This is the Fashion Patrol and we are on the prowl…. Come out with your garish lemon purses up and put your hot pink suede wedges down. You are under arrest for making those horrid fashion mistakes…. Every thing you wear will be noted and discussed!
We have all made those fashion mistakes before at some point in time… “I used to have this horrid velvet blouse….” but Fashion Patrol is here now to make sure you don’t get the fashion patrol arresting you again. Here are some tips, dos, don’ts and never nevers….
- If your hair is not red, your eyebrows have no business being red. And when I say red I am not referring to your weave, I am referring to your natural hair. So ditch your red eyebrow pencils – which I suspect are really lip liners, and go for dark brown. Get your eye brows trimmed to the natural line of your brow (that gives you a normal facial expression rather than a perpetually surprised look) and then fill them in with brown pencil as necessary – bushy eyebrows are not a crime… they are rather in, on the fashion scene now… as long as they are controlled.
- You can’t wear rings on all your fingers… no not even on four fingers! You only end up looking like a sad English pensioner or an “owambe gutter mama”… you are not either of those things, so leave most of your jewellery in your jewellery box. Never more than two ringed fingers per hand!
- Animal prints are lovely…. I know…. They are hawt and so cool… I know… but you can’t wear them from head to toe! In fact just like the colour red, try not to wear more than two pieces – your shoes and bag, or your shoes and blouse… you get? You can’t wear animal print shoes, bag, blouse and skirt… that is not accessorising that is a fashion nightmare!
- On the delicate issue of what to show, so you wanna be hawt and have the boys drooling? Don’t blame me for the outcome though – okay so you want to show flesh…. The rule is – “show one” you are either showing cleavage or legs… not both… that is “if your skirt is short, your blouse can’t be low. Otherwise you become “here comes the slut”. And if your blouse is low, then everything else is covered… capish?
- Get rid of that “weave” on your head. I know how expensive “Bobbys” and “Make me” are; they cost an arm and a leg. Even the corner hairdresser has woken up and charges good money. I know you spent hours in the salon getting it done all pretty…. I know. But… that’s no excuse to wear them for 3 months… apart from the fact that they stink to high heavens, you are ruining your hair and calling on the demons of dandruff to dwell with you. So take them off, give your hair a good wash and steaming and do something else to your hair…. Weaves day in day out are not right…. They are just not….and you shouldn’t wear them for more than 6 weeks… no matter how nice they still look!
- And then for the one that steals the spotlight – wear the right bra…. The number of women I see wearing the wrong bra just leaves me tired and in despair. Wearing the wrong bra size spoils the looks of your expensive clothes and destroys your whole look. Some people tell me their bra size and just looking at them I know they are wrong…. Seriously…
So to make your life and mine easier, I have inserted a link here to a reliable bra size calculator
http://www.bettyandbelle.co.uk/bra-size-calculator-14-w.asp or http://www.knowmysize.net/BraSizeCalculator.aspx
Get a tape rule, do the measurements, enter it here and voila you know your bra size – you can now ditch that bra that rides up your back and the ones that have you spilling over the top and give you four boobs instead of two.
Now don’t let me catch you breaking the rules…
Your Fashion Patrol
Ronke Eni Akinboye