Single & Happy! Kini Big Deal?


Okay, what’s the big deal? Do I need to have a man before I have true happiness?

Sometime last year, I listened to a radio talk show discussing whether being single and happy is a myth. I was on my way out when the show came on air, but I called in and I aired my view which is …………..

If I need a man to make me happy, then I am of all men most miserable! Yes, I totally agree that having a man is good and very wonderful but I tell you what, if there’s none in the horizon at the moment, does that mean doom and gloom for me..exactly I didn’t think so myself!. Now, don’t get me twisted, marriage is a beautiful thing (borrowing some of the words of our very own D’banj).

When I got back late at night to listen to the conclusion of the show online, I was a bit surprised to hear that some other contributors to the show had said, “saying I am single and happy is a big lie and if I really feel that way, it means I am hiding something deeper…”.

Well I am open to constructive criticism, so when I heard this I immediately did a quick soul search to check if I’m actually hiding behind a wall. The outcome is…I still say that I can be single and happy!

I don’t have it all together and I’m not saying I don’t have my down days but I made a decision ages ago not  to let my happiness be dependent on anybody, no not even my mum! Otherwise I’ll be crying all day!!!

So I ask again kinni big deal?

Don’t allow yourself to be labeled because you’re single, it is not a disease…it is a time to get to know you. I hear someone say: “what if I have gotten to know all of me and there’s still no man in the horizon”…hmmm now I know this can be annoying and very frustrating, especially for those of us that have chosen to WAIT!!!

I honestly don’t have a “panadol” kind of response (what I mean is I do not have a quick formula to get you out of singledom!) But I suggest you keep doing what makes you happy and don’t stop trusting your maker…

I love me right now, and I can boldly say it…

WriterNo Limit

Image – Sugarluxe

Click to comment




    March 20, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Good to know you’re happy. Happiness is a personal choice. What is good for the goose might not be good for the gander. Some will say marriage is good, while some will say single parenting is the best thing. It is all about what works for you. I’m happily married and wouldn’t trade it for any other option.



    March 20, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    To be honest, I always thought people who say “be single and happy” weren’t being real . . . mostly because I heard it often from married people. Easy for them to say! This was until I discovered my life and found what I wanted to pour myself into. I still love and admire marriage but I am grateful to be a happy single- and I’ll bet that has something to do with my resolve not to settle. I shouldn’t have to compromise/sacrifice who I am and what energizes me just to be with any man. I could go on, but you get my drift.



    March 20, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    wowH! this is it! thou its hard to keep up the look when ur girlfriends are hanging out with their man and youre all alone, but you just have to make the decision to be happy in whatever situation you find yourself, thanks ‘no limit’ nice one!



    March 20, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    i’m totally with you and i really wish someone would tell me that crap to my face that i’m unhappy being single…when i fall in love with the RIGHT man, i’m sure i will be happy, in the meantime i am happy with no man, especially if its the wrong man.


    Bomi Jolly -

    March 20, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    “I made a decision ages ago not to let my happiness be dependent on anybody, no not even my mum!”…. Very smart choice, and lol @”not even my mum”! I feel you!

    Very well said, being “single and happy” is certainly not a myth…I’m pretty sure of it.

    Nice post!



    March 20, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    Been dere done dat is one of d slangs we use.But the basic thing is that do not allow anyone to toy with your dignity!!! joy comes from within;happiness depends on how yu feel!!! whichever one yu are single or married always let ur joy flows from within.



    March 22, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    It’s all about being happy at the different stages of life we find ourselves. Even though many women want to be married at some point, they can be still be joyful while being single…until they find that person for them, that is.


    Myne Whitman

    March 22, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    You hit it right on the head No Limit. The secret is doing things that make you happy, single or not. Well written!



    March 23, 2010 at 8:23 am

    I feel you.. I belive it too!!



    March 23, 2010 at 8:25 am

    I feel you.. I believe it too!!



    March 23, 2010 at 8:40 am

    I love my singledom. I have no regrets and i feel no resentment. However, if i happen to meet a nice guy in future and we get to settle down, i would only see our union as part of the decisions i have taken. but in all honesty, i dont need a man to make me complete!



    March 23, 2010 at 8:40 am

    I kinda agree with you… singleness is not a disease..maximize your single life…



    March 23, 2010 at 10:38 am

    I think people go after the “man in your life” issue so badly. It is unfortunate our society values only couples,to be single and happy is a choice so ladies please join the happy wagon by choice and I can assure you those around will love the new you and who knows Mr man may suddenly have visions but even if he doesn’t be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! marriage is not always what it is cut out to be


    Good Naija Girl

    March 23, 2010 at 10:44 am

    I agree. I would like to be married one day but I definitely intend to be as happy as I can be every day. I am not waiting for anyone to come into my life before I will be happy or fulfilled.



    March 23, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    That just about said it all! every status is to be enjoyed while it lasts. . . It’s a better choice than getting all worked up and developing unnecessary wrinkles that will cause single guys to do a rethink just to be sure they aren’t about to date their aunty’s age mate!
    Kudos Femme Lounge, keep it up!



    March 23, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    yes o! loving this…we should enjoy every stage of our journey in life. and when it is time to come and “gbe-gele”, when mr right turns up, we shall be there to rejoice with you by God’s grace



    March 23, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    “Kosi big deal”…………
    You do not need a man to be happy I agree, but you will sure need a male company down the road and later in life. Not having a man now is not a disease, but be open to men, you never know what you can find deep down in a man you have totally written off.



    March 24, 2010 at 4:19 am

    There is a big deal!!!. Get to 50 years old and still be a single lady?. Be pretty as Hell and dont have a legit partner and u say no big deal. Please i beg u all in the name of God. Find a man for your selves and let us stop deceiving ourselves inwardly. Cheers



    March 24, 2010 at 7:46 am

    Well said girlfriend!
    I know what it means to not have yet what society expects you to and that you personally want to have but i do agree and totally know that whatever stage you are in life, you can choose to be joyful!
    Joy is a choice, you can choose not to let that one thing control your’s the reason we have our will.
    @ Prince Charming, i know 50 year olds who though would have wanted to get married or still want to, are not and are living their lives, some things are beyond your control and your life isn’t over if you don’t have those things. And i am married! You can even be in a marriage and not be happy, not because your spouse is not a good person but because something is fundamentally wrong with you. Whatever stage one is in life, you can choose to have joy!
    Trust me, i know what i’m talking about!



    March 24, 2010 at 8:38 am

    I believe one can be single and definatley happy…i am



    March 24, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    hmmmmn,nice dscussn here bt b sensitive enuf evn wen d ryt person comes ooooo,cos tis possible 2think u are too pretty happy 2b involved in anoda person ‘s world! d truth is we’r wired differently bt we nyd 2b realistic in our dealings GOD wu mks evrythn beautiful in his tym &wrk on bein a ryt+focused lady.
    2heads are better dan 1



    March 25, 2010 at 3:47 am

    u are my girl!God bless you.



    March 25, 2010 at 5:55 am

    i believe you can be single and be very happy…marriage is a beautiful thing but if its not on the way yet i think you should just enjoy your single life and be happy…..



    March 26, 2010 at 7:16 am

    Ow weel i dunno 4 anybodi bt Im so happy right now and i duno bt i doubt i wud hv bin this happy if i had a man breathing dwn on me..i mean iv got my own life i make my own rules..jeez,i cudnt ask 4 more..Dnt get me wrong.being married is d ish,i personally cant wait to walk dwn d isle with sm1 i cud call my i love my life right nw n i wudnt trade it for anor. wen its tym,i ll get married bt nw…! mmn,u kno d rest of it.


    rolake falana

    March 27, 2010 at 3:33 am

    Am glad u are single and happy. Its not easy. Let’s face facts, most single ladies are hiding some really deep stuff. Pls dont get me wrong,dont think u need a man to define u. Infact, u can be with a good guy and still be thoroughly SAD. Most women are. Whatever works for u really! cheers!



    March 28, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    Ladies, life is really what u make of it. It is possible to be single and happy, but what happens in the long run. Marriage was ordained by God for companionship. If u get it right, u won’t regret it….. Pls keep an open mind!! Cheers!!



    March 29, 2010 at 3:21 am

    I am single and not too happy. But I am definitely much happier than I was when I was married. I am not too happy at the moment because everything I ever worked for went into the marriage and I now have to rebuild from scratch.



    March 30, 2010 at 8:19 am

    Well, for people like me who has been in and out of relationships i kinda like when i’m without a guy hanging all around me. Gal its good to do things ur own way and when u want it. If marriage comes later on, watever…carry on the happiness



    April 1, 2010 at 1:58 am

    nice piece , i beleive that if i fail to find happiness alone , i will never find with someone cos happiness is of the inside , it spreads from within not without. Being single is not a curse the last i checked, so single ladies , get the groove on.



    April 1, 2010 at 8:29 am

    iam loving this piece big time.tis so apt.i used to have blues becos all my friends were getting married and engaged and having kids.the annoying part is when they call or chat online with you and ask how far?it used to irritate got to a point i stopped going to church and wanted to live life on my own(wrong move).however God’s love found and reached out to i am in a season of learning to love and appreciate myself even in my single state.marriage does not guarantee happiness 100% (i have living cases at hand).if i have unresolved issues as a single person and expect some hubby to solve it marriage,yawa go gas o.



    April 6, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    I love this site! Kudos to the Femme lounge team. Having said that, i’ll have to take time out to read every single post on here.



    April 12, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    I have read some posts and i dont think they get my happy confident sister here. She is not saying she wants to be a single parent or she wants to be single for life. She is at a place right now and she is happy with where she is. I am sure when she gets married she will still be a happy person.
    Ride on, we need to be happy no matter where we find ourselves, our happiness should not depend on anyone. Find and know who you are and make the best out of every situation cos we will need it at every stage of our lives whether single, married or whatever…


    Le Dynamique Professeur

    April 13, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    Hmmm… Kinni big deal? I am sure ladies would love this for sure. Anyway sha, true talk 🙂



    April 25, 2010 at 3:07 am

    Hmmm… Kinni big deal? I am sure ladies would love this for sure. Anyway sha, true talk 🙂



    April 25, 2010 at 4:35 am

    What to do?… You had better be happy, if you choose not to be, then you can go hit your head in the middle of the road and see if it make s a difference…



    April 25, 2010 at 8:10 am

    Am glad u are single and happy. Its not easy. Let’s face facts, most single ladies are hiding some really deep stuff. Pls dont get me wrong,dont think u need a man to define u. Infact, u can be with a good guy and still be thoroughly SAD. Most women are. Whatever works for u really! cheers!



    April 25, 2010 at 9:32 am

    What to do?… You had better be happy, if you choose not to be, then you can go hit your head in the middle of the road and see if it make s a difference…



    April 26, 2010 at 8:31 am

    Being happy is an individual choice regardless whether you are single or in a relationship.



    April 30, 2010 at 6:13 am

    Good 1 girl.being singk=le is definitely not a curse o but there is no crime with keeping the spheres open.Happiness is a thing of the mind so i guess if u cant be happy on ur own u can never be happy again.People can only supplement ur happiness.cheers



    May 7, 2010 at 4:45 am

    If you’re single & not happy, do you think marriage is gonna change that miraculously? Why do African woman, the nigerian ones in particular have that complex of “only being Mrs … can give me fulfilment in life”?
    Look around you. Are your married friends really happier than you?
    Granted, marriage is a divine institution, brought about to fill the natural need to love & be loved. However, most marriages today are a far cry from what its originator intended.
    The bible says that two are better than one, at the same time it also says that those who marry will have tribulation in their flesh.
    My sisters, let us have a realistic view of marriage – it isn’t an ultimate end.


    Buky Oj

    June 29, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Single or Married are both great. They both have their advantages and disadvantages. Be happy whatever stage you are. Sisters, our happiness does not depend on another person, but on God.

    Check this out –

  42. Pingback: White Gown Fever! | Femme Lounge ::: Online Women Magazine Sharing Real Stories From Real Women

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