Relationships

Sex-y On Hold

   

black-couple-happy

 As a single woman, I appreciate certain qualities in men. I have a clear picture of the kind of man I want to be with. It would be a plus if he looks like Mr. Taye Diggs but more importantly, he must be godly, honest, focused (on the good stuff), hardworking, have great sense of humour (I enjoy a good laugh any day), respectful, down to earth, etc. etc. I noticed however that although men say they also want these qualities that I desire, they are most interested in our looks. Men are very physical and what they see goes a long way. For instance, I see an intelligent person but he sees luscious lips, then I see a hardworking person while he sees big boobs, and I see a man with a great personality and he sees ‘a figure to die for’!

The scary thing is, some men don’t just see what they like, they want to touch it… deeply. Now, this is where I draw the line. I draw the line even though everything thing around me says I shouldn’t – even T.V. commercials preach SEX–Y! I say single women must put SEX–Y on hold but unfortunately, many don’t because they want to ‘please the guy’. They are fooled into thinking that ‘IT’ would keep him around… ‘As long as I please him, he’ll stay’… big mistake! This is hardly ever applicable.

Many single women cook, clean, and do every other so called ‘wifely duty’ to please their boyfriends… and of course, do not hold off on SEX-Y. When this happens the man has EVERYTHING already… for free without having to say the BIG I DO. No wonder he backs out of the relationship because there is nothing more to look forward to. All has already been said and done. Nothing excites him anymore.

Funny, when a woman brings SEX-Y into a relationship, she is happy to sustain it with that one man forever and ever however, the minute the man experiences SEX-Y with this one woman, before he is done, he is already exploring the possibilities of being SEX-Y with another woman… MEN!

Single woman, minimise (or should I say cut off) the cooking, the cleaning, the SEX–Y, till you both say the BIG I DO. Aside from its spiritual connotations, you might be spending FOREVER with this man and there should be A LOT to look forward to. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a strict interpretation… I know relationships that have been ruled by SEX–Y from Day 1 and now, they are married, with kids (and a dog 🙂 and living happily ever after. However, I bet it’s even more exciting if you make him wait for IT, make him long for IT and when he finally gets IT, he’ll cherish IT.

A friend once told me that she must ‘test the goods before buying’. This makes me laugh even now. ‘Test the goods’? Whatever that means?

We must exercise self control, self restraint, self respect, self worth, and self confidence. We must love ourselves more. If he loves you, SEX–Y or not, he’ll stick around.

Writer – Ejire

Photo Credit: Michael Rowe



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0 Comments

  1. adoraister@gmail.com'

    Curious case

    July 10, 2010 at 10:48 am

    my dear, you are very correct or should i simply say i agree with you. i was just playing with an article in my head. the reality is that for every standard you want to uphold there is a girl out there who is willing and ready to drop it by 2 notches. and pls let no one be deceived. marriage is not the end goal. because you end up marrying the man you didn’t wait till your married to sleep with does not mean that the marriage is happy. there must be a reason why you have chosen the path of abstinence, hence you must believe it’s the right thing to do. I think not holding off will only work for people who do not fear God ( yu can know God without fearing God) I honestly do not think it does work for any Christian. because as Christians we should hurt whenever we displease God.

    Let’s be focussed. getting married is not the prize. with marriage can come infidelity. if you both can’t keep off now what prevents you from keeping off when you are married. it’s the same bahaviour or self control that is required.

    • totsiesenora@yahoo.com'

      claire

      July 19, 2010 at 8:05 am

      well said curious case well said ..

  2. tolu_cutie85@yahoo.com'

    abosede

    July 12, 2010 at 9:22 am

    i love this , sex is not meant for singles .PERIOD. there is no two way about it and the sad case is that we women are always at the receiving side , the whole baggage all falls on us . If the guy can’t wait , let him go , he is not worth you at all, God is preparing a man that will treasure you as a real jewel you are. thank you ejire , for reminding us this in this sex crazy world we live in now.

  3. bolajuwon2002@yahoo.com'

    ayobola

    July 12, 2010 at 11:25 am

    dis pictur sef can cause 1 2 comit (just 4 laughs). anyway, dis topic is so dynamic. i like the 1st person’s coment which says u suld kno d reason u chose abstinence. u kno i had 2 ask my mum hu kips telin we ladies not 2 visit durin courtship or wat u want 2 call it n den i asked hw come her generation had so many of us b4 dey got married. but den she can xplain: the knowledge was not dis wide. but wat scares me in al of dis is som of us ladies hu want 2 abstain now after washin away in d past n d poor guy hu acepts u does kno u can no longer bear children (bcos u wil not tel him so he dosnt run away). but wat hapens wit som of our mother inlaws hu says u must get pregnant b4 u mary our son? n den d testers hu say hw do we kno he/she can perform? do u kno som wuld even hide under dis umbrella of abstinence 2 hide hu dey truly are? just like a sister n broda whose church dose not permit courtship visits n didnt kno until after mariage dat d guy uses fake teeth and the lady is bald bcos she will always cover her hair. n som men wil say dey cant get maried 2 virgins. der is a rib 4 everyman n woman if u kno wat i mean n dis includes the abused. recently i found out most men wer abused by elder ones wen dey wer litl(just 4 d records). n der r stil som virgin men.
    D choice is rily ours bcos u cant point out a man hu has his mind made up on u n vice n versa. but i must tel u, i dont care wat peopl say or tink, der is a lot 2 look 4wad 2 in abstinence!!!!!!!

  4. fadenyke277@yahoo.com'

    nikky

    July 12, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    yh,tell dem. Ladies stp presentin ursef cheaply 2 guys.

  5. beautyay@yahoo.com'

    Beauty Fabulous.

    July 12, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    🙂

  6. ogo.okonji@gmail.com'

    Ogochukwu

    July 14, 2010 at 10:09 am

    I just had a similar conversation with a someone and here I am reading this…some people think its not possible to wait anymore…even us women. we feel that if we give it to him, it’ll show him how much in love we are and that’ll make him stay. Hell, NO!!! If a man loves and respects you, he’ll stay. Simple!! If you try too hard to make him stay and give him sex to “prove” your love, then what happens when you’re married and he’s tired of the routine?

  7. lamikayty@yahoo.com'

    toyin

    July 16, 2010 at 10:09 am

    True true true…I waited and I’m happy. He waited and is happy…
    We waited and we are happy!!!

  8. bomav5@yahoo.com'

    bomav

    July 16, 2010 at 10:26 am

    all i know is that for a lady having sex with her partner doesnt mean the guy will leave her or not.every guy has an intention b4 gettin invoved in a relationship.so,watsoever ur intention is,thats wat will rule ur ambition in the relationship wen u finally get in to it.cheers

  9. toks@punkinpatch.co.uk'

    Toks Aruoture

    July 16, 2010 at 10:27 am

    I concur, great article. Men are well within their rights to desire the benefits of having a wife, after all it’s a free country (in most places anyway) They just need to put a ring on her finger and voila!

  10. funtozbox@yahoo.co.uk'

    Funto

    July 16, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    There is joy in waiting… the suspense, the relief, the exhilaration,the fulfillment, the ‘count-down’… It’s well worth the wait only if you know why you are waiting. I know why I have waited this long… My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and God lives in here. I present my body a living sacrifice, holy (undefiled) and acceptable to God, my source and my reason for living. I can go on and on but I want you look up and think up the reason for your decision… is it the TV (a picture is actually worth more than a thousand words) or …

  11. Bukie_32@yahoo.com'

    Bukie

    July 16, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Yeah,you are right.Sadly,most ladies don’t believe so.Even secondary girls now see sex as a must have.I believe it should be marriage before sex.This article will help inform people about sex.Its a good one,well done.

  12. modupeogundeji@yahoo.com'

    MODUPSIE

    July 16, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    I hail you! Pity young ladies of nowadays fall into this trap all the time!! I pray they list SEX-Y is a NO-NO!! Simply put. Wait for the marriage bed, it WILL be much better and IT WILL BE BLISS!!

  13. myne@mynewhitman.com'

    Myne Whitman

    July 16, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    Good article,but let us realise that marriage is not the end game. If it is than the man will still revert to whatever once he get the sex-y after marriage. Build your relationship as a couple, it may or may not involve sex as agreed by both of you but if well nurtured will mature to love and will lead to marriage and remain strong beyond the wedding.

  14. ronniea04@yahoo.com'

    Ronnie

    July 16, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    I love this! Continue to spread the gospel.

  15. sakinnola@yahoo.com'

    daisy

    July 16, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    This is the info we need to ring into the ears of the upcoming generation, Christians and non- christian alike. Sex is no longer sacred.
    I totally agree with Toyin “I waited and I’m happy” (I’m a living testimony). You earn respect when you wait and the reward on the long run cannot be over-emphasized.
    Please try as much as you can to ‘Hold bodi’ it pays.
    All the best!
    To the unmarried, remain grounded.

  16. tayular@yahoo.co.uk'

    tayo

    July 16, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Thanx for this message. A lot of women need this piece

  17. bolanle_oso@yahoo.com'

    bibi

    July 16, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    This is cool stuff. it just answered some nagging questions begging answers on my mind. It just put me back in perspective, thanks for sharing it.

  18. ebonyoma4eva@yahoo.com'

    omada

    July 16, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    thanks Ejire! exactly my point of view!!!
    sex sex sex! dats all we hear! @ the end of the day, no matter what anyone says or thinks, premarital sex does more harm than good…

  19. laviz_05@hotmail.com'

    annadandy

    July 17, 2010 at 4:42 am

    I do agree with you as you are totally on point. Not too long ago, i was having a discussion on this topic with friends. And i made it clear to them that women should not be playing “wifey” role for men when they have not officially taken on the role. Well i was told that i was being too “non-African”. To this day, i do not understand what culture has got to do with it. If anything i think that our culture as African pushes us to play this role before time because it is the only way the man can tell if you are going to be a good wife or not. Total nonsense!!
    Yes i do agree with above comments.Christian or no Christian,women need to understand that sex is not the strong hold that will make a man stay to marry you nor is it going to make him faithful after you marry him. there is so much more than sex before and after marriage. But if you are a Christian, you know that sex was created by God and should occur only in the union of MARRIAGE.
    So when you are holding off from engaging in sexual activities before marriage, it should not only be about the man appreciating you more. But keep in mind that it is an act of obedience to God and it will be the opposite if you choose to go head to do it to please(KEEP) that man.
    At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, who is more important?
    P:S- you are right, if that man loves God and knows how God wants him to treat you, sex-y or no sex-y, he will WAIT.
    good article…keep it coming

  20. laviz_05@hotmail.com'

    ANN

    July 17, 2010 at 4:46 am

    I do agree with you as you are totally on point. Not too long ago, i was having a discussion on this topic with friends. And i made it clear to them that women should not be playing wife role for men when they have not officially taken on the role. Well i was told that i was being too “non-African”. To this day, i do not understand what culture has got to do with it. If anything i think that our culture as African pushes us to play this role before time because it is the only way the man can tell if you are going to be a good wife or not. Total nonsense!!
    Yes i do agree with above comments.Women need to understand that sex is not the strong hold that will make a man stay to marry you nor is it going to make him faithful after you marry him. there is so much more than sex before and after marriage. But if you are a Christian, you know that sex was created by God and should occur only in the union of MARRIAGE.
    So when you are holding off from engaging in sexual activities before marriage, it should not only be about the man appreciating you more. But keep in mind that it is an act of obedience to God and it will be the opposite if you choose to go head to do it to please(KEEP) that man.
    At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, who is more important?
    P:S- you are right, if that man loves God and knows how God wants him to treat you, sex or no sex, he will WAIT till its right
    good article…keep it coming

  21. tayoadenubi@yahoo.com'

    tboy

    July 17, 2010 at 8:17 am

    How many ladies actually practice abstinence in their relationships, the sad truth is very few do. Every guy knows what he wants even before he approaches a lady….Ladies pls be guided!!!

  22. ibanimi.moses@yahoo.com'

    Stacy

    July 17, 2010 at 10:12 am

    SEX is definitely worth waiting for anyday. I have a lot of male friends and they all say the same thing “Sex is not and can never be equal to love”. Every responsible guy will respect a lady who respects herself, if he treathens to walk away-let him. Beleive me u have nothing to lose. My mother used to say this when i was a teenager “Its the way u present ur goods that people will bargain for it”.

  23. teetee111@hotmail.com'

    Titi Owoade

    July 17, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Well said! I wish many sisters will get this ingrained in their brains and not succumb to the peer pressure.

  24. graccy4doc@yahoo.com'

    Gracious

    July 18, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    God bless you the more Ejire. And thanks for speaking ‘our’ mind. Truly, there is joy in waiting and no harm is done. Though it’s not easy but its worth it… Pleasing the Lord only and not ‘man’. Because ‘our’ body is the temple of the Holy ghost. And when sin enters in, God can not stay. He is a jealous God and He can never share is place.
    Thanks for the write up once again…

  25. bj4shortus@yahoo.com'

    Oguntimehin bolaji

    July 19, 2010 at 8:29 am

    nice one there!!wish ladies can listen

  26. fananikyetor@yahoo.com'

    Fanan

    July 19, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Very interesting reading and I happen to be of the opinion that if u a guy can get the milk for free, why buy the cow? We all know men think mostly with their groin b4 anything else and they like to have their cake and eat it too but we all know dieting is good. make him wait and want it sooo bad that he will be willing to do right by u to get it. Giving him all that won’t make him stick to u. U’ve been had and without him putting a ring on it too.

  27. anu2077@yahoo.com'

    Funmi

    July 19, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    Our society has changed. Sex b4 marriage is the rule rather than the exception.We need to hear the truth more so we don’t completely lose ourselves in modernity. Women need to stop cheapening themselves and start protecting themselves from stereotypes. We r worth loving and appreciating and should be treated like the queens we r. we only get that treatment when we see ourselves so. nice write up. keep it up.

  28. yomi_adu@yahoo.com'

    yomi

    July 20, 2010 at 6:57 am

    true talk 🙂

  29. engygodman@yahoo.com'

    Ngy

    July 20, 2010 at 9:05 am

    This is just the true definition of what many females won’t appreciate, but the truth they say is bitter. Good One! I ve series of true stories-Experience is the best teacher.Only if we will learn our lessons and put them to practice, we will certainly see the HUGE SUCCESSES emanating from that sincere relationship.

    Kudos!

  30. koralkekai@gmail.com'

    KoralK

    July 20, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Well written Ejire…I am gonna send this link to all my girlfriends

  31. rite2ty@yahoo.com'

    Tayo

    July 20, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    A male friend once told me that the only thing he gets from his girlfriend is SEX and that he can get it anywhere, so i say again and again ladies SEX is worth waiting for.

  32. wanda@talk21.com'

    Chidiebube

    July 20, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    WOW! Very well said! We have to understand that OUR FOUNDATION IS IMPORTANT in any marriage. If it’s important to u to have God’s backing and faithful covenant, u should wait, the gains far outweighs the (near no) pain. Plus it’s attendant spiritual problems, given the devil a strong foothold in ur marriage.Besides, we’ll get to understand the hype behind sex b4 marriage is not necessary cos after marriage it becomes more of a duty/an obligation. And it’s definitely going to last a lifetime so why the haste, then nothing more to look forward to? Best way is to make ur stand known from day one, if he leaves then he’s not worth ur high value

  33. bisiyede@yahoo.com'

    Beeci

    October 4, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    I totally agree with you!
    What’s the rush?…it is better to keep it on lock down!!!
    No ringy no dingy!

  34. daniel830@hotmail.com'

    daniel

    May 9, 2014 at 5:39 am

    If you like reading a blog, what kind of interesting things that make you like that blog? Give me your favorite blog links too..

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