Real Women Real Issues

Looking For My Birth Parents After 30 Years Of Being Adopted.


We are excited to bring back our popular Real Women, Real Issues Feature! Every WEDNESDAY we will publish a post from a reader sharing with us about issues that have affected their lives and that they seek solutions to.

Do you or do you know somebody that has a question or an issue that you will like to have other women’s opinion on? please send it to for our Real Women, Real Issues Column. (Identity will not be revealed)

This week a young women share with us her experience as an adopted child looking for her birth parents.


I am 30 years old and was adopted. I was always aware from a very early age that I had been adopted at only 7 days old and it was arranged before I was born.  I always wished I NEVER knew, that I’d never been told… I grew up feeling different from everybody else, I have struggled for many years with this and did not realize how important it is for one to be secure with your adoption, as I was not. Now I am a professional but this remains a void in my life.

My adoptive parents may have over compensated for this….I wanted for nothing materially,educationally or emotionally, I do feel I would have been happier as a child and now an adult had I never known.

However I have for a long time wondered about my birth parents…especially recently that i am about to start my own family.The question I ask; is it wise to look for birth parents and should I?

Secondly should I tell my adoptive mother who spent everyday of my childhood telling me how much she loved me and that I was her special child , that i’m considering looking for my parents?

– Adopted One

Photocredit – Comstock

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    Bolaji oguntimehin

    December 23, 2010 at 11:32 am

    I believe u should find out about ur real parents without hurting ur adopted parents,no matter Hw much u try to ignore the fact that u are adopted, it would always be at the back of your mind, so satisfy urself, find out every thing u need to know and u may even appreciate ur adopted parents more.


    olukemi lawani

    December 24, 2010 at 10:50 pm

    a note of caution- finding your birth parents may not bring you the satisfaction you wish it will. the important thing is who you have become, and all the love that has been invested in you by different people in different ways. perhaps giving you up for adoption was an act of tough love by your parents. celebrate the victories, the beauty of life- and all the best.



    January 15, 2011 at 8:59 am

    I believe you should if you want to, its a matter of choice and if it is your choice then go ahead. But do we have PIs in Lagos?? I mean Private detectives to help you with this? Assuming you live in Lagos or Nigeria for that matter!!



    February 7, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    it’s not a bad idea to look for them but where do you want to start? are you bearing your real name? and the only reason i will advise you tell your adopted mum is if she knew about your parents especially if they are the ones who told you you were adopted. give it a try, you can never tell.



    April 18, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    I am 27 and also adopted. here’s my thoughts on looking for “real” parents. My real parents are in fact my adoptive parents. I accepted the fact that i am adopted at around 20 years old, and although it was hard, i found it in my heart to forgive and understand that my biological parents might have had good reasons to give me away that just worked fine for them at the moment. If i were ever to meet them they would be strangers to me and it also doesn’t even matter whether they want to find me or not, actually i hope that never happens. Am i afraid? no. Simply put: i have a family already. it is the family that took me in and cared for me and loved me for 27 years. they people that gave everything for me. that’s my real family. blood might be thicker than water but that really doesn’t mean anything. After all this years i love my family more than anyone and my loyalty stays always with them, my love, my care and everything that i am and stand for. I am a person because of them and the love they gave me. they are my real, one and only family. if you can accept that love is thicker than blood and that looking for “real” parents is gonna hurt those who love you, not to mention the fact that your “real” parents gave you away because it was their choice then i believe the best thing to do, is to forgive, forget, and keep your loyalty and love where it belongs with the ones that gave you everything, the ones that truly love you. My family is reduced to only one person now, my mom. I will mary and keep my last name. I am a part of my family just as if i had been born in it and i can tell you that i wouldnt change that for anything in the world because as long as i have their love i have everything that i need. I accepted things the way they were, forgave them, stoped blaming myself, moved on, learned to appreciate my family, and ultimately i FORGOT. i still remember every now and then about beign adopted, but it is something that barely ever crosses my mind, when it does there’s no more pain or resentment. just peace and love for my REAL family.



    September 13, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    I am not going to tell you a long story,however just do what ever is in your heart.and ask God to guide you.

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