What Do I Want In A Man? – Part 1


As I put down my fingers on my laptop to begin to write this  midnight  , all that I could hear is the voice of someone very familiar  to me , the voice that I have heard for twenty five years of my life ,  the voice of my mother chiding me to have always a to-do list ,  ‘’tolulope, always have a plan , and for heavens’ sake , be tidy ‘’ ,  she will  go ahead and rebuke me in her exasperated voice ‘’ how are you  coping in this room , can’t  you just tidy it up and have a plan on how  to keep it clean ‘’.

‘’Plan’’ , did I hear just remember that, this is a word that am not genetically oriented to like and then as a teenager I was always lost  because to me ‘list’ sounds like a Latin word , my Dad love to use to  intimidate his friends who are not smart enough to remember it from  their Latin classes.  I can’t count the number of times I was forced to  have this ‘list’ conversation with my mum, heaven knows that then I  love to tidy up my room , but I just can’t keep it clean because i am  always in a hurry to pick things up and never return to where I met it ,  so my room was always untidy.

As I grew up and started to mature into a young lady , people that I  met attributed my lack of organisation to my temperament , they  introduced me to Tim Lahaye and his bestselling book ‘Why You Act the  Way You Do’.  A feeling of exhilaration ran  through my spine  after i read the book, as I couldn’t wait to tell my folks of why I can’t  keep my room tidy and why I can’t just have a list. Trust my dad to  always have a wise answer to every of my ‘’weird discovery’’ , he told  me in Yoruba ‘’ tii idi baje , tii onidi ni o ma da’’ , meaning ‘’ if  one’s life turns out to be bad , it’s the business of the owner , not  anyone’’.

When I started working in corporate organisations , I discovered  something called ‘STICK-ONS’, it’s a piece of paper that one can write  on and stick it to the table  to remind us of what we need to do , and  again, I failed with this new technology , not only do this stick-ons  come in hard copy , they are there on my system waiting for me to write  my list on it , so that I may have a better output. I tried to for days  to write down my plans , aspirations , people to call, people to send  texts to , books to read , time to wake up at night to pray , devoted  time to study the Word e.t.c. The truth is that I really tried in following this plan , I prayed to  God to give me the discipline to structure my life  after this list of  mine , but I kept on  failing , however overtime I just gave up on the  ‘List’ issue and began to live my life on impulse which is the wrongest  thing anyone can do.

Last afternoon , I was chatting with my senior  friend ,Buky, and she said ‘’ tolulope , you should have a list of  what you want in a man, how you want him to look, his desires if they  match yours, if I wanted to be a stay home mum, if I want to have  plenty kids and so on’’. Immediately Buky mentioned ‘list’ , I knew I was in trouble , because  she was correct in telling me to have a list of what I want in man, and  really I have never sat to compile a list about this most critical  aspect of my life . She mentioned ‘List’ and I discovered how scattered  and disillusioned have being on this ‘Love life’ of mine. I am 25 , and  it is highly pathetic that  I don’t have a list , not even a make shift  one , as she casually advised , I knew that I was obviously not ready  for the aisle because in the list she tried putting up for me , I was  lost.
After the chat , while working in the newsroom ,surrounded by quiet  humming’s of the split air conditioners and the frequent promptings of  the Chief Editor , I asked myself  this question ‘ I asked myself  this question ‘’WHAT DO I WANT IN A MAN?

Writer: Tolulope Odeyemi blogs at

Click to comment




    March 28, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    my dear, you better make up that list o. eve if you are scared of other lists, you have to face this one except you are going to the convent or……….



    April 1, 2011 at 11:04 am

    I agree with d list thing cos it gives u a standard …but it must be a good list not based on day dreams nd it must be piroritized


    ola kaffy

    April 23, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    my darln,i have the same problems too, i refused to make a list of what i want in a man and now its affecting me cos i took a wrong step cos i tot i knew what i wanted n didnt make a list. so dnt make such mistake too.


    ola kaffy

    May 2, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    it’s a good thing to know what you want in life, a good choice gives a good life. having what you desire in a man keeps u fulfilled.


    Percy Williams

    May 19, 2011 at 7:46 am

    LOL, iFeel you on this one Ma’am. I know too well how ‘organized’ people try to mould everyone into their ‘boring’ form… but the high side is that having a BLUEPRINT helps you to recognize what you want/desire when you eventually see/meet it! ~ and this is called PLANNING. Marriage is challenging enough even for those who planned, so I can imagine the woes of those who left everything to chance! Nature gives us different temperaments, but we can aspire to be better people by adopting the good traits we see in other people.
    We spend several years in school studying and writing exams to build a career, but most of us just stumble into love and marriage. Since Marriage is a LIFETIME Commitment, I always refer people to – PREPARATION is Key!!! And a list (mental or written) is just a starting point. Write the vision and make it plain so that the one who reads it may run with it…

    God help us all



    May 19, 2011 at 9:39 am

    and what do you do if the man matches every thing on your ‘list’ and you find out you’re not as attacted to him as you thought you would be?



    May 31, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    thinking about creating one myself



    November 17, 2011 at 3:47 am

    Tolu dear, I agree with Bukky, but its not about making the LIST and having an Hradcopy of this handy, but its all about having a remebrance of this in your spirit, soul and body, what I simply mean is that working towards self development of becoming that “”perfect”” person that would fit the list of that man in question, keeping it on your mind not just on your office desk and praying to God about it, In essence inclucating and digesting the LIST of what You want in a man!
    When I was younger, I used to have a LIST, but as time went by I got used to my LIST by following the above said parameters, when I see a man, I know right away that this is a NO NO!, or when I see a guy, then I know, okay, I can give this man a second thought!, so as Bukky said, girlfriend! HAVE plenty listS not just one list,and GET USED TO THE LISTs. Best of Luck, and dont forget to send me an I.V when the D- DAY as being picked with the Mr RIGHT,and also I will be sitting on the High seat on that day, as per Miss Adviser……LOOOL

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