What Do I Want In A Man? – Part 1


As I put down my fingers on my laptop to begin to write this  midnight  , all that I could hear is the voice of someone very familiar  to me , the voice that I have heard for twenty five years of my life ,  the voice of my mother chiding me to have always a to-do list ,  ‘’tolulope, always have a plan , and for heavens’ sake , be tidy ‘’ ,  she will  go ahead and rebuke me in her exasperated voice ‘’ how are you  coping in this room , can’t  you just tidy it up and have a plan on how  to keep it clean ‘’.

‘’Plan’’ , did I hear just remember that, this is a word that am not genetically oriented to like and then as a teenager I was always lost  because to me ‘list’ sounds like a Latin word , my Dad love to use to  intimidate his friends who are not smart enough to remember it from  their Latin classes.  I can’t count the number of times I was forced to  have this ‘list’ conversation with my mum, heaven knows that then I  love to tidy up my room , but I just can’t keep it clean because i am  always in a hurry to pick things up and never return to where I met it ,  so my room was always untidy.

As I grew up and started to mature into a young lady , people that I  met attributed my lack of organisation to my temperament , they  introduced me to Tim Lahaye and his bestselling book ‘Why You Act the  Way You Do’.  A feeling of exhilaration ran  through my spine  after i read the book, as I couldn’t wait to tell my folks of why I can’t  keep my room tidy and why I can’t just have a list. Trust my dad to  always have a wise answer to every of my ‘’weird discovery’’ , he told  me in Yoruba ‘’ tii idi baje , tii onidi ni o ma da’’ , meaning ‘’ if  one’s life turns out to be bad , it’s the business of the owner , not  anyone’’.

When I started working in corporate organisations , I discovered  something called ‘STICK-ONS’, it’s a piece of paper that one can write  on and stick it to the table  to remind us of what we need to do , and  again, I failed with this new technology , not only do this stick-ons  come in hard copy , they are there on my system waiting for me to write  my list on it , so that I may have a better output. I tried to for days  to write down my plans , aspirations , people to call, people to send  texts to , books to read , time to wake up at night to pray , devoted  time to study the Word e.t.c. The truth is that I really tried in following this plan , I prayed to  God to give me the discipline to structure my life  after this list of  mine , but I kept on  failing , however overtime I just gave up on the  ‘List’ issue and began to live my life on impulse which is the wrongest  thing anyone can do.

Last afternoon , I was chatting with my senior  friend ,Buky, and she said ‘’ tolulope , you should have a list of  what you want in a man, how you want him to look, his desires if they  match yours, if I wanted to be a stay home mum, if I want to have  plenty kids and so on’’. Immediately Buky mentioned ‘list’ , I knew I was in trouble , because  she was correct in telling me to have a list of what I want in man, and  really I have never sat to compile a list about this most critical  aspect of my life . She mentioned ‘List’ and I discovered how scattered  and disillusioned have being on this ‘Love life’ of mine. I am 25 , and  it is highly pathetic that  I don’t have a list , not even a make shift  one , as she casually advised , I knew that I was obviously not ready  for the aisle because in the list she tried putting up for me , I was  lost.
After the chat , while working in the newsroom ,surrounded by quiet  humming’s of the split air conditioners and the frequent promptings of  the Chief Editor , I asked myself  this question ‘ I asked myself  this question ‘’WHAT DO I WANT IN A MAN?

Writer: Tolulope Odeyemi blogs at

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