Sometimes, loneliness seems almost too awful to bear. The idea of never getting out of bed again might even seem preferable to facing another day without a loved one close by. Most people wonder how life can possibly go on. However, when the time of mourning is over, it is important to ask; What am I going to do, instead of being lonely?
In truth, one reason for being lonely is no more justified than another. When people lose someone, for whatever reason, the pain is very real and devastating. However, losing an important relationship is mostly due to, Death, Divorce or Distance.
Death : Death is the undisputed leader in causing people to question the value of continuing to put on foot in front of the other. After all, it is so final. All opportunity to love and be love by this person is gone. Chances to say something important are only contrived in dreams.
The loneliness is like a black, heavy weight from which there is absolutely no escape. The person with the ability to cheer, even in the darkest hour, is no longer around. But, instead of letting the darkness win, ask two very important questions: would my love want me to sink into the folds of loneliness and depression forever? What am I going to do, in order to get on with my life?
Of course, a loved one will not want you to stay in a state of mourning for the balance of life. In cases of long illness, spouses generally elicit a promise to move forward and be happy after a time.
Divorce/Separation: People who have lost a loved one to divorce often have a different kind of loneliness. The person who promised to love, honor, and cherish for a lifetime is still alive. But, allegiances have changed; promises are broken; and in many cases, a wish for your future happiness is never going to happen.
Memories of the good times are tainted by the loss of love. Oftentimes, pain is continually inflicted as parents have to deal with one another for the sake of children. It is often more difficult to move forward, because segments of the past life are constantly pulling you back.But life after divorce can be happy. In fact, a time may come when you will thank a former spouse for propelling you forward onto a different path in life.
Distance: Sometimes, the separation of distance can be very devasting. Consider the families who have loved ones serving in the armed services. With time and distance, it may begin to seem like another lifetime. The loneliness is so profound because it is compounded by not being able to see or touch a loved one, and the concern for safety.
However, life cannot stop until a loved one can return home. In some situations, the distance is a permanent move of a friend or a loved one. Either way, it is important to have a plan and move forward. When opportunity allows, make the plan together.
Thanks to the wonders of technology, distance is not as final as in the days of crossing the ocean to settle in a new country. A phone call, e-mail, or messaging can bring that individual close, if even for a few minutes.
In short, regardless of the reason for separation from a loved one, it is not healthy to simply stop living and staying stuck in one spot in life. It is necessary to move forward and make a different plan. Constantly asking how one will exist without that person is counterproductive and emotionally deadly. Instead, honor that persons memory or the love that was lost, and vow to build a good life and strive to be positive.
Writer: Paul Sutherland was a Business Coach now turned personal coach. A significant challenge that came up in his own life has inspired a new book on dealing with loneliness and all of the related problems www.overcomelonelinessnow.com