The Reality of an Unfaithful Partner

Starting sometime in the nineteen fifties, television sitcoms started milking what has now become a pretty standard plot. It is the one where one spouse thinks the other is out fooling around but in the end it turns out to be nothing more than a series of misunderstandings. “You saw me with that woman because she is a mink coat wholesaler.” Eventually all is forgiven. The jealous spouse apologizes for jumping to conclusions and for not trusting their partner. True love triumphs and all is right with the world. Fade to commercial.

But the real world does not work like that. In the U.S. alone half of all marriages end in divorce. While there are a myriad of reasons why, a significant chunk of the blame can be placed squarely on the shoulders of a spouse who is actually cheating. This is not just confined to marriage; many dating relationships have been destroyed when one or both persons have been caught tomcatting around.

There are two options when it comes to dealing with a cheating partner.

The first is to ignore it. You know what is happening but for whatever reason you cannot deal with confronting the other person. There is always the hope that things will work themselves out and that your partner will stop cheating after they realize that true love is where you are.That may happen every now and then but in the overwhelming majority of cases that is the equivalent of playing roulette with the odds stacked heavily against you. If one partner is cheating on another and feels they can get away with it anytime they want, it will probably take divine intervention or some traumatic event to change their thinking. In the meantime while pretending to be a tower of strength you are slowly dying inside.

The other option is to confront your partner with the evidence and have it out. You do not know what the future will bring but right now let the chips fall where they may. If you have to end the relationship immediately so be it, no one is going to make a fool out of you. Understand that there could be a lot of harsh words exchanged. Everything that each of you considered a trivial problem at one time may explode to the surface. No matter what happens refrain from the physical. What’s done is done so be ready to move on.

Do not base your decision on what your friend, family or neighbors might say. If you have children avoid using them as a crutch to make your decision. “I’m doing this for the kids” will not make you any happier. Also stay away from putting all the blame on you. No relationship is faultless and taking one hundred percent of the blame for another person’s infidelity is just plain wrong. Be careful that the person cheating does not try to pull that one on you either. They would not cheat if only you had done x, y or z is a major copout and a clever way to put the ball back in your court while absolving themselves from all blame.

There are of course no good options when dealing with a cheating spouse or partner. Seeing a professional counselor maybe able to help a great deal with the situation but in the final analysis of course the choice is yours. Just understand your main loyalty belongs to you.

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