Real Women Real Issues

Sexting With A Married Man – Is it a Big Deal?


We are excited to bring back our popular Real Women, Real Issues Feature! Every WEDNESDAY we will publish a post from a reader sharing with us about issues that have affected their lives and that they seek solutions to.

Do you or do you know somebody that has a question or an issue that you will like to have other women’s opinion on? please send it to for our Real Women, Real Issues Column. (Identity will not be revealed)

This week a young women share with us her experience sexting with a married man and wonders what the harm is.



I have been exchanging sex texts with my neighbour’s husband for a while. It started from casual text messages to check on each other once in a while, but has developed into sexting where we exchange erotic messages, pictures  and videos of each other on our phones. He says its harmless as long as we don’t have any physical sexual activities. Can this be called an affair or is it just a  means of having fun without any harm to his relationship with his wife?

(Sexting is the act of exchanging sexually explicit messages, photographs, and videos via mobile phones)






    February 9, 2011 at 8:54 am

    hen! ask yourself how would you feel if you see naked pictures of your neighbour on your bf or hub’s phone…yeah exact reaction! what you know whats right



    February 9, 2011 at 9:00 am

    lol…let me put it in the words of carrie bradshaw of SATC….you have “played with fire”…and when someone plays with fire they get burned. EOS.



    February 9, 2011 at 11:47 am

    I beleive we all know right from wrong and the lady in question knows that she wont find it funny with her hubby or BF if he does the same with a female neighbour.



    February 9, 2011 at 11:53 am

    its a No-No! flirting is sweet i must confess, but with a married man??? are you kidding moi?? FYI hugging a married man for more than 5 seconds is a SIN(lolz)okay just kidding.

    stop it completely! delete his pin and never add him again, cos what youre doing is called ”emotional relationship’that he has not touched you doesnt mean he doesnt want to, he is only waiting for his perfect chance.



    February 9, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    wetin no good,no good o! please STOP it, ur life will never remain dsame if u get close talkless sexting my husbi! ofcos i need to catch u 1st….



    February 9, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Hmmn dats bad n very wrong, u can’t do dat wit a neighbor’s boyfrnd not evn 2 talk of husband. B4 u do anything put urself in d shoes of all stakeholders involved. M sure if it was ur boyfrnd, u wud kill d woman involved wit him



    February 9, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    The rule says dnt give what u cnt take.just put urself in the wife’s position, hw wld u feel? He wld soon wanna touch n feel d real thing n by then what wld u do.we, women r very emotional one way or the other if he holas u might respond so flee from d devil when u can.



    February 9, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Hmm… lady there is ayoruba adage that says that even if we are crying.. we should see the front of us. You know! that what you are doing is wrong and you are already emotionally attached to this your neighbour…Like someone has said… remove his pain and stop communicating with him.

    Trust me if the table turns to you.. you no go find am funny oo!!!… abeg stop am you hear me!… Thanks!



    February 9, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    FIRE!!!! :O you know what is right miss, just do it before you fall in love with a him


    Dr Mo

    February 9, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    im sure u know its wrong but the thrill of it all is hard to resist, Trust me u wont like the outcome in the long run.
    Besides whatt if u were his wife how would u feel? And I’m very sure he is just grooming u for a full blown physical affair. I have just one word for u sister ‘RUN!!!’



    February 9, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    Seriousily is this a question? not only are you exchanging smses, you are exchanging sexual videos??? May the wrath of God and his wife not fall on you o.

    STOP now or get burnt. What goes around comes around.



      February 9, 2011 at 10:09 pm

      How did you know what I wanted to say!
      Like seriously is this really a question?
      I know your emotions are attached now…but you need to cut it off and count your loss now or face something worse later.
      I’m hoping you’ll choose the lesser one which is now.
      all the best and I hope you gain enough strength to do what is right.


    victoria ade

    February 9, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    u dont need a prophet to tell u that it is WRONG. put urself in the shoes of his wife, what would u tink? again, u will corrupt the man’s thoughts and divert his attention from his wife. do to others what u want them to do to u.



    February 9, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    pls try and disengage yourself from the woman before you wreck ur neigbhours home. we all pray to be happily married,remember d law of karma, which is still very much at work


    Lara Daniels

    February 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    You don’t have to physically have sex before you have Sex. Sex is a thing of the mind and you are already there. So stop it quickly because you know what they say: What goes around comes around and you’ll get yours…it’s only a matter of time. So please, get out of it immediately.


    Seyi Bex

    February 9, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    As far as am concern u re already having an affair wif da guy, yhe earlier u stop it the better for u!!! a word is enough for da wise



    February 9, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    this will lead to one thing and that is having sex with him so you “see”, you better stop now or get burnt later your choice.



    February 9, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    I ws found myself in similar shoes once with the ex-bf of a very close friends. A ‘lil harmless flirting’ that’s what I called it. . . well, it progressed to sex chats let’s just say in the long run, that cherries were popped and champagne was spilled. You may see it as harmless sexting but what you may not or have already realized but you are in denial on, is that you have formed an emotional bond with him. Such would have been good if he were single, then your EB would have stood a chance to develop to something more.
    Well, that’s my bit I would advise, that you love ‘YOU’ enough to end this, for as we say to toddlers when educating them on fire, “Girl, you are playing with jo-jo (burn-burn).



    February 9, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    let her enjoy her life jare, but just be careful, enjoy it while it lasts 😉


    olufunmbi olu-sanmabo

    February 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    i m sure d lady in question knows it is wrong if nt dis question wouldn’t have been asked.we all know wen we r doin sometin wrong bt more often than not we seek to justify our is a total NO,NO.pls stop it b4 it goes any is an affair be it physical or emotional.



    February 9, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    The Bible says to abstain from all appearance of evil, this one of such appearance that you need to flee from fast, fast!


    Adu Folasade

    February 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Do unto others as you would be done by. How would you feel if the man were to be your own husband. STOP IT,IT IS BAD AND IT IS A SIN.


    Adu Folasade

    February 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    It is bad and it is a sin.STOP IT.



    February 9, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Either it’s called sextexting or wateva,u r havin an affair.Pls stop asap so dat it won’t backfire…A yoruba adage says’if u wanna hit ur neighbor wt an object,use it on ursef first,then u’ll kw how it hurts’.Wish u all da best as u stop dis act.


    myne Whitman

    February 9, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    No be small real issue! My dear do what you know is right already.



    February 9, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    Abegi carry go my dear. Enjoy it while it lasts
    There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it joor!



    February 9, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    Babe the signs are clear on white and black now…will you take it from your husband and another girl? Is he sharing them with his wife even if its obscene and why you?FLEE!



    February 9, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    u are sitting on a keg of gun powder with naked light in ur hands……u going get burnt sis if you don’t stop this. It’s called fornication and it is ungodly. How would you feel if u checked ur bf/hubby fone and see naked pictures of his friend’s wife or a girl in the neighbourhood?


    Nike BUCKNOR

    February 9, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    Whatever a man soweth,he shall reap.pls stop sowin evil



    February 10, 2011 at 7:41 am

    my dear, what is wrong is wrong. What u have done/is doing is evil and God frowns at it. Pls for the love of God, stop it. If its no big deal, he shld be bold enough to let his wife in on it………..



    February 10, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Duh! Stupid question from a lady in pure, blissful denial.

    Just wanted to say a shout out to Femme Lounge, Sola and all. Love you guys! You rock!



    February 11, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    ‘Resist the devil & he will flee from you’!Why shd u even exchange txt wit a married neighbour?I gues u knew what u wanted from the onset.My sis, what is not good has no other but BAD!


    olukemi lawani

    February 12, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    total NO-NO. whether emotional or physical infidelity is infidelity, and one tends to progress to the other. the question to ask is – ‘is this who i want to be?’. life will offer all sorts of opportunities but we moust continue to choose the ones that align with our vision and reject the ones that try to wrongly re-define us.


    Hajia Bambino

    February 13, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Haba, my dear sister, I’m sure u know this is bad? Let’s turn d table….you are the wife, how would you take it? I advice that you FLEE! Frm d man!!!!



    February 13, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    U have only one life to live. U are obviously interested in losing it.
    Just know that even if u’ve got nothing to live for, u still need to get something good to die for



    February 13, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    I cannot believe it happens pls stop it just put yourself in the position of the wife



    February 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    no need to comment! its all said.



    February 15, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Hmmmmm, it is like having a fire on your roof, will it burn . I think you know the answer to this question you asked, right in your heart, if you don’t , Holy Spirit will convict you. As you break away from this , you are helped of the Lord.



    February 16, 2011 at 12:34 am

    Well, think of it this way. If a woman was doing stuff like that with YOUR husband, would you like it? Not one to judge, but that’s wrong.



    February 17, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Women! calm down, once you allow the sparkle to leave or depart from ur marriage,u indirectly leave room for a new woman or fantasy to appear or develop. so far they are just heating each up, if the brakes are not applied now they go touch! FIRE! LOL



    February 18, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    young lady stop wasting our time u know whatever u have with ur neighbour’s husband is wrong…spare us.

    @sade, so does d departure of sparkle from the marriage make it right for a spouse and the neighbour to go sexting?
    and do watever….



    February 19, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Obviously it’s not the right thing to do on any level. Whether as a form of humour or in looking for some real feelings from this man. Men can take what they want when ever they want and for you to put it up here, it’s obviously becoming an issue you can’t easily resolve on your own.
    Drop the bad habit babes, it can’t be good for you or your image to be known as a sexter with someone other than your partner and worse still, a neighbour’s husbi. It’s too close to home and the stigma won’t leave you @ all. Much luv and support as you diséngage from this act.



    February 28, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It is not so much about how we feel when we are doing certain things.. you have to think about how you would feel if someone did it to you.

    Why cant he be sexting with his wifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???

    Everything is a slow fade my dear! So wake uppppp! and delete his no. ASAP… what nonsenses!



    February 28, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Is that really a question? for everything you do in life, always put yourself in the other persons shoes.
    just imagine being married to the love of your life, and he starts to sext “harmlessly” with another chick. will that be okay with you??



    March 7, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    shaking my head for you……



    March 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    I found out that a married tramp from my husbands work has been sending naked pictures of herself and another girl and sexting, emailing, calling, who knows what else with my husband. You should stop! Go find your own man. Sure it’s exciting and flattering. But to us wives, it hurts like hell! Sometimes marriages go through rough patches. Unfortunately, men’s eyes wander to other scanks. Our 16yr old daughter tried to kill herself and was suicidal. I was busy taking her to Dr’s and hospitals and was not paying my husband as much attention. I found out about the tramp and immediately started working on my marriage. I fought with deciding to forgive and rebuild or kick him to the curb. So far we’re rebuilding. But I live with wondering if he’s ended it with the tramp, or if its still going on. He doesn’t show signs of continuing it with her. One of the questions she asked him, when we do that during sex, I have to hide my tears because I think of the scanks. She’s caused so much pain. I’m sure she doesnt care. I’ve never told my husband everything I’ve seen and know. He would leave me because of his anger of getting caught and disappointed in himself that he fell to her temptation. I love him and we’ve been married for almost 23 years. I believe in love through good times and bad. This was the worst. If I find out it’s still going on or happens again, I will leave him. The only reason I haven’t confronted her, is my children. I need to be here for them and not getting in trouble with the law. Thank you for letting me have a voice. It’s been difficult keeping it all bottled up and keeping control of my emotions around him. Between my suicidal daughter and cheating husband, I am on blood pressure medicine due to my 180/120 blood pressure. I hope and pray I have shed light on the other side of the story and it will help some of you to stop being involved with a married man or keep you from doing it. Marriage is of God. There is plenty of good single men out there. You put your love and care into them and they will be great men. Let’s go back to the beliefs of yester-year and not cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed.



    March 21, 2011 at 2:38 am

    Stupid question really. Dont you know that the images and texts are never deleted from your phone even when you think they are? Neither did my wife. She struck up a sexting affair with her personal trainer that by the way I was paying for. Until the day I saw all of the texts on the phone account to this one number and asked her the question, who is this person? A lie followed as she quickly left home in a hurry. So I rang the number. The phone answered but silence on the other end. I rang back quickly and got his messagebank, i now knew who it was. I changed my number to private and called it again, this time he answered. Well I gave it to him on the phone. At this stage i had no idea there was anything more than 20 odd texts but i was soon to dig into the account and find over 700 texts from my wifes phone. I immediately asked her to leave. I had a feeling something was going on with this guy. She left that day. I have three children at home. We have been married 18 years. The instructor is 18 years younger than me. While she was gone I noticed there were pictures being sent as well late at night when I was away for a week. I fronted her about this and she wouldnt tell me what was in the photos. It was 6 weeks until she returned home, I wanted her back to try and sort this mess out. No contact was made that I know of with this guy again. I sent off for a device that would bring back the texts from the iphone, images etc. Everyone said not to look but i did. At a few anyway. I wish i didnt now but I did. I was fuming. Once she knew I had read them she hit a big downer and at times apparently contemplated suicide. I found out more, that there was video being sent, both of them jacking off. If i knew this earlier i would have never had her back. All through this she would comment ‘it was only texting, nothing happened’, I was ‘blowing it out of proportion’ and that he was just a ‘good friend’. I also was told ‘I had to move on’ etc. Well i knew i had to move on my councillor told me that, just which way am i to move. Our friends know about this now, my kids are upset by it but dont know the full story, my parents, her parents and siblings are all affected. And I feel abused, hurt, deceived, embarrassed and empty. I was overweight and understand now that I wasnt the most attractive man but by the time she returned I had lost 50 pounds and replaced the fat with muscle. I can understand her looking around and admiring other physiques if I was overweight, even text flirting I could handle but sending and receiving xxx pics and vids is hard to come to terms with. She has never doine this sort of thing before and as far as I know has always been loyal and faithful. Do I love her or am I just too used to having her around. She is a beautiful woman that could have anyone she wants, but she still wants me. Now I have remodeled myself I have the chance to move on without her knowing that I wont be alone for long. The hard thing to fathom is that admitted she lusted him too and lost her values and morals in the process. It was always said it wouldnt develop into a physical affair but I tell you it was heading that way. Seems woman just love guys who show just enuf interest and keep them at a distance they can manipulate. When I asked her, what was she thinking she replied with I didnt know I would get caught or deleted records could be undeleted. She feels she hasnt broken her vows or committed an affair. Yes she is in denial, it has been 6 months since i found out and Im still not sure if i want to be with her even though I still love her i Think. But my love for her is different now. I know she is sorry but what has happened is a mistake but our relationship has now changed. I did approach the instructor and had my moment with him. Ive since been asked to leave the gym that, by the way, I also attended. He is now doing this with other women I have since learned from another womans husband who is reading their texts. Too much hurt and pain. It is an affair. Its an emotional and sexual affair and these darn iphones are making this technology the new form of cheating and deception. @ann Im sorry to hear your situation. Monitor his activities, there is software that you can download onto his phone that will email you when he or she texts or calls. He would never know its on there. This is available to you and if you’re not going to front him about what you know, then you need to be sure about the type of person that is sharing your bed, family and life with you. Just google ‘undeleting texts from mobile phones’ and you will find what you are looking for. As for the Lounge lady who is wondering is this wrong, you obviously haven’t much to lose, you have no values or morals and I hope that if you continue this affair, that when its over, and it will be over, all your masterbation pictures and videos you thought were safe could easily find their way onto the internet or circulate through friends phones, as usually happens when a sexting affair ends, and then you can ask yourself again whether there was anything wrong with doing this in the first place. It only takes him to Brag to a friend and forward the MMS. Karma baby, Karma. Lets see how you struggle with that. One thing is for sure, you will deserve it.

  47. Pingback: Uwanma Odefa Weighs The Pros And Cons Of Making A Sex Tape With Your Partner Using Her Experiences As Examples – Woman.NG

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