SheSaidThis: Human Beings Have The Ability To Love Different People In Different Ways….


Hand In HandBy Mo

”Human beings have the ability to love different people in different ways, and sometimes even at the same time” – Chimamanda Adichie

Jon Snow interviewed  Chimamanda Adichie some weeks ago on Channel 4,  the discussion went from one interesting  topic to another,  but one of the things I find most interesting about the interview is the discussion about  the ability to love different people in different ways.

It reminded me of a post I read on a Facebook group. A woman who is married to a man she loves, is falling in love with another man, she was really confused and needed advice.

It was an interesting story so it attracted many comments, I clicked on the comments to read what other women thought about it and I was a little surprised that a large percentage of them believed that you can’t love two men at the same time. Many of the members believed that what she feels for her husband is the real love and what she feels for  the other man must be lust or infatuation.

I disagree with that school of thought but I wasn’t bold enough to drop a comment, it is a Facebook group for christian women so I was afraid of being an outcast.

Can you really love two men at the same time? I think so. I know it is possible to love two different people especially when they appeal to you in different ways.

Maybe the answers shouldn’t be about trying to prove that what she felt for the other man was lust because the truth is that being married or being in a committed relationship will not always stop you from being genuinely attracted to someone else and loving the person. Maybe it should have been about how  to stay committed to the man she has chosen to marry.






    May 9, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    I agree with ur view in the last paragraph. I think it’s possible to develop feelings for a man asides ur spouse, and it may not necessarily be bcos u have marital issues or bcos u think this new person is better than ur spouse.

    There must be factors that make u love ur spouse. Due to the uniqueness of every being, it’s possible to develop deep affections for someone else, and I will say it doesn’t have to be lust. And it won’t stop u from loving ur own spouse either.
    I believe the problem that arises out of this is when u allow this new found love (so to speak) to be ur refuge when u have issues with ur spouse. Then u begin to compare and wish this other person was ur man. Lust inevitably comes in. And that’s where ur last sentence comes in handy; how to make sure this feeling doesn’t affect ur marriage as it has the tendency to. This is where u remind ur self of ur commitment to ur own spouse and invariably, finding a way to deal with this love for another man.



    May 10, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    Excuse me ladies,
    The title says ‘Love different individuals’, I think we are confusing it with Love two men.
    they are completely different things with unique meanings.
    We can love the world, you can even love someone better than your spouse…. Its still loving different individuals.
    But babes, When it comes to Love, and I mean the Love we are talking about, Its one person @ a time.
    It doesnt mean it remains the same person forever…. nothing is static in life.
    But pls Love your man, even just for yourself.
    but when they become un-lovable, seek God and follow your heart



    May 13, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    i just watched the interview too, she was talking about the female character in her new book that had a man before she left for the USA but then fell in love with another man while there. I like her explanation, i also think it is possible to be drawn to two different men at the same time, especially if there have different characteristics that attract in different ways.

    human emotion is complex, but what really matters is the ability to tame your emotions and stay faithful to one man at a time.



    May 14, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    @bimpe you hit the nail right on the head. I’ve felt that way before, i won’t say its love maybe just attraction. The important thing is not to act on these feelings. But just thinking, if this was to happen to our spouse, would we be able to take it as it is? as just plainattraction or would we feel threatened?

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