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Am I Too Close For Comfort?

   

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‘Never be too close, never be too distant’ is a saying I have held on to for a long time in my adult life, but in spite of how close this school of thought has been to me , I still have not succeeded in drawing a line between the word ‘too close’ and ‘too distant’ in my relationships with people.

When I get close, I get accused of ‘meddling’ and when I try to mind my business as many have advised; I get crucified for being cold and heartless. Where exactly is the boundary between ‘close and distant’ because if there is, I desperately want to know. How does one know when to back out of other people’s affairs?

Over a year ago, I took up a job in an organization, one of the vows I made was to mind my business no matter what happens, I didn’t want to get too close to people beyond our work acquaintanceship, but here I am now minding other people’s businesses except mine and making it my duty to notice every little detail of my colleagues’ lives.

I can’t in my life ignore the tear streaked face of the front desk officer as I walk through to my desk every morning,

I find it hard to divorce myself from my unwavering habit of dishing out counsel to my colleague, whenever he goes on his usual mood swings.

My eyes can’t help running to and fro the office looking for an ‘unhappy single female ‘to pair with my weary bachelor friend.

My embarrassing display of exuberance when it’s time for a colleague’s birthday is one thing of the things I really hate about this disease!

Many times, my friends have subtly dropped hints to check this flaw of ‘over excitement’ in me, but sadly they have been unsuccessful in their different attempts.

From office to home to church, every day, every minute I uninhibitedly want to be involved in the lives of my friends, siblings, to-be boyfriends, never-be boyfriends and even my haters (people that beef me unnecessarily).

In the case of never-be boyfriends, after turning down their proposals in different ways and at different times, I eventually become more than a girlfriend to them.  Though I am not their girlfriend but I become their closest confidant , they see in me a voice that soothes during crisis, a shoulder to cry on when girlfriends disobey ,  a efficient financial analyst when forex and stocks crash , and a female buddy they can  talk with without being crucified as a bad boy .

Now I just got accused by one of my male friends that I led him on , when this missile landed on my desk , I must confess I was very unprepared for it , I had no shock absorbers to resist this missile.

In his words “tolulope, why are you breaking my heart, are you not supposed to be my girlfriend’ the only word that could come out of my rose colored lips was’ haaaaaaaaaaa! I quickly reiterated to him that he must have made things up in his mind, and then he started calling me names that I know you wouldn’t love to hear.

For my untiring ears, my eloquent words of wisdom, and my unarguable show of support, all I get is be labeled a ‘heartbreaker’!.

Sadly, now as I sit to remember the different names that people have called me in my 24 years of existence, ‘Heartbreaker and Amebo (poke noser) ’ comfortably sit side by side in the middle grinning sheepishly. How sad can that be for a supposedly good girl?

Image – gettyimages

Writer – Tolulope

 

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30 Comments

30 Comments

  1. Pingback: Help! Am I Too Close For Comfort? | Femme Lounge Terms

  2. tolu_cutie85@yahoo.com'

    abosede

    April 7, 2010 at 3:50 am

    i love this , aren’t we all guilty of this.

  3. langadiva@yahoo.co.uk'

    ShonaVixen

    April 7, 2010 at 9:06 am

    Yeah sometimes being friendly can be misconstrued as leading some-one on!! Guess you just need to keep them at bay and keep it all clear that though you’re being friendly you’re not crossing the friendship barriers..some folks need it all spelt out for them.

  4. alifbaby@yahoo.com'

    Orifie

    April 7, 2010 at 11:15 am

    sweetie, its a growing up thing, after you spend a fwe more years at the workplace you’ll probably chill out. But then agsin, maybe not. The world probably needs a few of your type around:)

    @ abosede… no.

  5. aaa@yahoo.com'

    aaa

    April 7, 2010 at 11:21 am

    people will always give you signs to let you know if they are not comfortable with your closeness, i would say watch out for those signs and dont ignore them.

  6. chizob21@hotmail.com'

    Ync

    April 7, 2010 at 11:23 am

    I am guilty myself, can’t lie but it’s best to avoid hooking people up together because if the relationship go bad, you will be the bad one in the end, I had to learn the hard way.lol

  7. bisione@yahoo.com'

    Bisi

    April 7, 2010 at 11:25 am

    sometimes, too much becomes bad. you might have genuine interest in the lives of these people but you also have to learn to set boundaries so that your good intentions will not be misinterpreted. cheers!

  8. mulan.mine@gmail.com'

    Myne Whitman

    April 7, 2010 at 11:53 am

    You just have to find the middle ground. As for guys who ask you out and then you become friends, I don’t know oo.

  9. sayfrench@yahoo.com'

    saybuns

    April 7, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    i can relate,girl.just be urself and stay happy.

  10. shakespeareolu@yahoo.com'

    Seeke

    April 7, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Hmmn… delicate one here… Usually, people would let out signals that you’re getting too close, some subtle, others not so subtle;You have to be sensitive to distinguish between who’s ok with it n who’s not, n back off gently, once there’s a hint of restraint on their part. Let people come to you of their own accord,n I guess everyone’ll be better off for it.

  11. beautyay@yahoo.com'

    Beauty Fabulous.

    April 8, 2010 at 4:15 am

    Hm mm, I have gotten my candle burnt over this same issue many times, and believe me when I say that the feeling of self anger is very bad
    Right now, I am taking it as it comes.

    Am not quick to give advice nor speak.
    Now I listen more and speak less and guess what, the same people who have termed me over zealous and all knowing are the ones seeking my advice , counsel or opinion on issues.

    How? I guess I allowed the Spirit of God direct my path.

    So girlfriend, I think you should allow the Holy Spirit direct you, you won’t miss it, trust me on this!

    ~smile~

  12. chased@yea.com'

    forex robot

    April 8, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

  13. koralkekai@gmail.com'

    Korals K

    April 9, 2010 at 6:30 am

    Hmm…i was in a similar situation some time ago, but when i got labeld “over-sabi” i had to step back a bit and ask myself why.
    Thing is, no matter what u do, there’s always gonna be someone who wuldnt approve (and trust me, i have tried alot…from frndly to kool headed to gd listener…u name it) So, just be urself, be who u’re comfortable “being” and the people who are worth u are gonna love u for it. U cant please every1, so start from pleasing urself and God, and it’ll work like clockwork

  14. bukola_oleah@yahoo.com'

    Buki

    April 9, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    I must say that i have always been very conscious of this and i would prefer rather to be called cold and insensitive instead of ‘ameebo’. I simply don’t get in other people’s business, i did it when i was much younger thinking i was helping out but it backfired several times and at times, things got very ugly. As of now, i’m one heck of a listener

  15. Enimofedan@yahoo.com'

    Jewmee

    April 15, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    U’re right 1 can be accused yet u need to follow ur heart when u help n be careful also

  16. ybabe29@gmail.com'

    Yetty

    April 20, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    I can totally relate to this article and like others have said, it is just better to listen more and be diplomatic in the kind of advice you give and the words you use while giving such advice.

  17. turpz4life@yahoo.com'

    temitope

    April 21, 2010 at 6:14 am

    hmmmn….ain’t we all guilty of this? tolu dear, what i have learnt overtime is to talk less, listen more and learn to encourage people that needs it (believe me not everybody does, especially guys!) most guys see encouragement as a come on, above all like beauty said, let the Holy Spirit guide you…ALWAYS!

  18. martin78@hotmail.com'

    Martin

    April 24, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    I can totally relate to this article and like others have said, it is just better to listen more and be diplomatic in the kind of advice you give and the words you use while giving such advice.

  19. jeff74@gmail.com'

    Jeff

    April 24, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    I can totally relate to this article and like others have said, it is just better to listen more and be diplomatic in the kind of advice you give and the words you use while giving such advice.

  20. adam69@gmail.com'

    Adam

    April 24, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    Hmmn… delicate one here… Usually, people would let out signals that you’re getting too close, some subtle, others not so subtle;You have to be sensitive to distinguish between who’s ok with it n who’s not, n back off gently, once there’s a hint of restraint on their part. Let people come to you of their own accord,n I guess everyone’ll be better off for it.

  21. robin74@gmail.com'

    Robin

    April 24, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    i can relate,girl.just be urself and stay happy.

  22. brad76@yahoo.com'

    Brad

    April 25, 2010 at 12:42 am

    I can totally relate to this article and like others have said, it is just better to listen more and be diplomatic in the kind of advice you give and the words you use while giving such advice.

  23. steve65@gmail.com'

    Steve

    April 25, 2010 at 5:36 am

    I can totally relate to this article and like others have said, it is just better to listen more and be diplomatic in the kind of advice you give and the words you use while giving such advice.

  24. oadegbite@yahoo.com'

    sean

    April 30, 2010 at 5:59 am

    Good write-up.keep it up.I feel there is a different when you are concern to help out than when u r just after hearing out without giving a solution but rather scold.We are all guilty of this but all we can do is to be careful in the ways we get close to people and their affairs.

  25. oadegbite@yahoo.com'

    sean

    April 30, 2010 at 6:15 am

    Good write-up.keep it up.I feel there is a difference when you are concern to help out and when u r just after hearing out without giving a solution but rather scold.We are all guilty of this but all we can do is to be careful in the ways we get close to people and their affairs.

  26. dithaholic@yahoo.com'

    Dith

    April 30, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    I love this!!

  27. re_thots@yahoo.com'

    rethots

    May 4, 2010 at 4:06 am

    I hereby give your full license to ‘mind’ my business, i shan’t mis-interpret.

    Be that as it may, we never can really know in black and white when we cross the thin line between ‘too close’ and ‘too distance or aloof’. All we can do is continue to be ‘us’, when a mis-fire comes by, we take it (though, it hurts most times) and MOVE ON…..

  28. chiliz722@yahoo.ca'

    Liz

    May 11, 2010 at 11:10 am

    We are convinced by it; But we always forget it.
    It is: You can’t please evryone.

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    December 27, 2014 at 10:20 pm

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