Real Women Real Issues

I Saved My Life And Left My Child To Die


Mums and Babies

We are excited to bring back our popular Real Women, Real Issues Feature! Every WEDNESDAY we will publish a post from a reader sharing with us about issues that have affected their lives and that they seek solutions to.

Do you or do you know somebody that has a question or an issue that you will like to have other women’s opinion on? please send it to for our Real Women, Real Issues Column. (Identity will not be revealed)

This week a young women share with us her experience as a mother who lost a child.


I was in the kitchen trying to make a fast dinner after a long day when I heard gunshots at my door. I ran out through the back door , jumped over the low fence and ran for a while before I hid in the bush nearby.
I could still hear gunshots as I ran, clearly the robbers were in my house, I was trembling were I was and couldn’t think straight until I heard my three year old daughter screaming mummy from a distance. I had put her to bed before I went to the kitchen.
I heard more shouting from the robbers and then more gunshots and every thing went quiet. I can’t remember how long I was there for but after a while i found my way out to a  another street and connected back to my street.

The robbers had gone from one house to the other and people were  all over the street mourning and counting their losses. I ran to my house with my heart pounding and my body in shock, I didn’t know how bad my loss would be until I walked in through a bullet riddled door and stepped into my daughter”s pool of blood!

Neighbours and many relatives judged me for fleeing to save my life without thinking of my daughter, my mother in law has called me all sorts of names and keep asking me what i was thinking saving my own life and leaving my daughter behind. People say that my maternal insticts should be to go and get my daughter even if it means getting killed, but I did the contrary.

The truth is that I wasn’t thinking, I was scared and i just ran. The world has refused to forgive me for it and neither would i.






    January 19, 2011 at 9:00 am

    wow..this is a sad story, i would judge myself and hate myself for doing such thing but the question is, will God hate you for it? you should learn to forgive yourself first and let it go, you obviously love your child and other people will learn to forgive you too as time goes by…it is well



    January 19, 2011 at 9:04 am

    What a touching and heartbreaking story. It’s easy for us to judge but none of us were there that day, in your position, so really none of us can say what we would have done.



    January 19, 2011 at 9:26 am


    I’ll be back to leave a proper comment.



    January 19, 2011 at 9:32 am

    omg thats sad….it must be really hard on you,i cant begin to imagine what youre going tru…God will comfort you dear. please forgive yourself and let it go, you cant spend the rest of your life sulking in what you didnt do intentionally.



    January 19, 2011 at 9:46 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss, I cant begin to imagine what you are going through at the moment… You just have to accept the fact that she is dead as a result of the robbers gunshot, you cant keep blaming yourself, it wont help matters so Let go and Let God. May god strengthen you during this trying period



    January 19, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Ask God for forgiveness and Forgive yourself, no man can judge you. Live Hope and Love.



    January 19, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    She heard gunshots and fled.

    Logistics in terms of where the guns are being fired from, her location, child’s location will start taking place in her head from her hiding place. Completely understandable and expected.

    There are very few people (1 in a million maybe) in the world who would not run as a first reaction to imminent danger, and usually they are either very well trained (e.g military/paramilitary) or unbelievably superbly instinctively gifted to react with intellect rather than mere instinct.



      January 19, 2011 at 3:27 pm

      Gbam, my sentiments exactly. At that time, her legs/survival instinct reacted before her maternal instinct. However, what is her husband’s reaction?,



    January 19, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    **Tongue tied**


    Nike Akinlesi

    January 19, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    You pple are talking as if she made a mistake and need to forgive herself.
    She didn’t have the luxury of thinking when this happened. What happened wasn’t a mistake in descision it was a response to fear.
    My dear, what u need is to be healed of the guilt not forgiveness. Get counsel if u must.



      January 19, 2011 at 3:20 pm

      Gbam, my sentiments exactly.



    January 19, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Be still and know that God has a reason for all that happens, it’s only Him who can judge you. My prayer is that you may forgive uaself first that you may move on.



    January 19, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    this is very pathetic,accept my sympathy…but i tell u,the past is gone and unforgiveness is a sin….it could have been anyone advise is be close to God than ever before and i know He’ll make the holyspirit comfort you and make all those who are against u be ata peace with u..God bless u


    myne Whitman

    January 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    I really don’t know what to say but what you did is not so far fetched. I pray you come to find forgiveness, for yourself and from those around you. HUGS



    January 19, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    U didn’t kill her, they did….maybe if u were there both of u wud have been killed…just sayin…..Pls leave it behind and move on..God will comfort you



    January 19, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    I can only imagine what this feels like, but who are we to judge you? No human is above mistakes.I’m most certain God has’s now up to you to forgive yourself.Be strong.I see you coming out of this.



    January 19, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    nobody has thd right to judge you until they have been in your position and reacted differently. The first impulse reaction is to run for safety in the face of imminent danger. Try and forgive yourself and pray to God to give you peace



    January 19, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    Its so annoying that people are so quick to judge others especially in such traumatic situations. Cast the first stone if thou are sinless. Do accept my sympathy dear and may the lord brigthen your days and meet you at your point of need.



    January 19, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    this story is so shocking… i can’t even think straight



    January 19, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    i must say this,death is a sad thing,God knows why he controlled you that way,a mother can bear another child but a child can’t bear a mother,if you had died that child lived she probably would have been miserable and maltreated by those same inlaw judging you.the good thing is you can have more kids that can console and comfort you but that child will never have had you a mother to console and love her.God lets certain things happen for reasons and he sure had a reason here



    January 20, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    There comes a time in life when we just can’t explain why some things have to happen to us. Please don’t blame yourself for anything and no one has any right to blame you, or say you should have done this or that. He who wears the shoe knows where it hurts most. I feel your pain and I know time will heal this wound. Be Strong.



    January 21, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    This is so sad, and I’m sorry for your loss. I think you should concentrate on mourning the loss of your child. You didn’t kill her. Those evil people who would forever languish in agony unless they seek God’s forgiveness did. I know its extremely difficult, but please let go of your guilt and mourn your daughter. God will give you the strength and replace all you lost 10 fold. As for all the “holier than thou’s” you can not change their veiws and its not your duty to. Someday, they will find the wisdom they so badly require and shut their judgemental mouths!!



    January 22, 2011 at 9:37 am

    it was so unfortunate, but d evil has been done. there is nothing u can do to bring her back but you can WIN FOR HER. don’t let d devil hold u guilty for life, forgive yourself, see urself d way God sees u and walk in love toward urself. don’t condem urself it wasn’t ur fault.



    January 23, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    disi took the words out of my mouth. the good lord will definitely give you other children and the holy spirit will comfort you.



    January 23, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    i quite agree with what disi said. i pray that the lord will give you other children and the the holy spirit comfort you. it i well.


    omo'ba adeteju atanda-ajimotokan

    January 25, 2011 at 11:28 am

    i am so sorry for your loss
    simply forgive urself and forge ahead


    Fairy Godsister

    January 26, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Disi took the words outta my mouth. Lean on God, and trust Him to comfort you in this time. Shut your heart and mind to all the negative talk (will be hard but try). What matters most is you and your husband staying strong and together through all this. God bless you dear



    January 27, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    What’s this ask God for forgiveness ish y’all are saying? She didn’t do jack!
    Please my dear forgive yourself and ask God for strength to carry on. I know it will be hard on you right now but you must not let people’s judgement condemn you… They are not God…God did not condemn you so please don’t give people who will do the same if they were in your shoes the power to condemn you.
    Sorry for your loss…and I pray for divine fortitude to bear the loss.



    January 29, 2011 at 8:30 am

    My dear God will comfort you. Do not be harsh on yourself. I have been in a situation like this and I ran for safety first. Left a loved one behind, fortuntely she was not killed. Don’t let mean comments get u down. If they were there they would have fled without thinking. How sad for u to have heard ur chiild calling for help and you could do nothing. God will streghthen you. Amen



    February 9, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    When things like dis appen u dont think of anything other than survival. The best thing to do now is to find peace within urself through christ and u will be filled with joy. What if u had gone back and it was both of you? If they had a heart to kill a child’ what more an adult,



    February 14, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    My eyes were filled with tears as I read your story. As sad and as painful as this must have been for you, I want you to know. I am not going to judge you neither should you judge yourself or be too hard on yourself. The Bible says, the heart of man is wicked. This is why we as Christians need to surrender our hearts to Jesus on a daily basis, dying to our flesh and letting Him be the Lord of our lives. Please make that choice to forgive yourself because once you have confessed what has happend to Christ with a repented heart in faith, you are forgiven. The feeling of guilt and condemnation is not from Christ but rather from the devil. He uses our mistakes and sins to hold us to ramson. The Bibles says in Romans 8:1, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:39, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

    I want to encourage you today, to make the choice to receive your healing and the choice to forgive yourself for the death of your innocent daughter because seriously God has forgiven long ago and doesn’t hold it against you. Neigther should you! This is a tragedy, a sad and an unfortunate. I will be praying with you. Spend time meditating on God’s word and spend quality time with Him just talking to Him and getting to know Him by building that intimacy that nothing can separate you from.

    Sister in Christ,



    February 16, 2011 at 9:34 am

    i think u should forgive yourself cos God has already forgiven u.



    February 18, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Shock, alarm, panic, sudden fear, overpowering terror! If you’ve never experience it do not judge one who has & acted instinctively!
    Darling, try to put the past behind. Some say God has already forgiven you. I ask, does God need to forgive you for what you did not do, for making use of a gift He endowed us with -instinctive reaction-?
    Please, try to move on. Life is too short & uncertain to dwell on the past. And thank you for sharing your experience.
    Whenever I read stories like yours, I ask myself not what would I do in your situation but rather what would I do & say were I a friend, neigbour or parent of yours.



    June 3, 2014 at 9:24 am

    I am mother to a 17 month old boy and have had cause to wonder what my instinctive reaction would be in the face of danger. I wonder if I would do the ‘expected’ and seek to save my son before myself or remember him halfway to safety. I have never felt confident about how I would act and hope I never have to face a situation like you have faced.
    I pray the Lord heals you of your hurt and gives you the strength to get reasonably past it.
    Will the people judging you ever forgive you? Maybe not. But that doesn’t make them better people or fit to judge. They would never know why you acted the way you did until they find themselves in your shoes (not a wish or prayer). So seek your peace from God, yourself and your husband. You may want to consider relocating for a fresh start.
    All the Best!

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