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Ask Ada: They Keep Treating Me Like I Am Suffering Because I Am Single

   

ada

 

 

Adaeze Diana Obiako is a personal vision coach helping young women, battling depression/hopelessness, discover their God-given purpose and start experiencing joy each and every day.

She’s the founder & editor of www.deserveyourgreatlife.com which you can visit for spiritual insights on living and loving greatly. Check out a popular post, 25 Things Every Woman Should Know By 25, from the blog. Now it’s your turn to get some answers.

 

 

Dear Coach Ada,

I’m having a hard time dealing with my friends. In the last year, most of them have gotten married or had kids and I’ve been a bridesmaid twice. I’m 26 and single with no boyfriend. The problem is whenever I hang around my friends it feels like they’re always bragging about a promotion their husband just got or showing off how smart their kids are. I try to be happy for them, I really do, but they keep treating me like I’m suffering because I’m still single and it’s pissing me off! I feel like they treat me differently now that they’ve gotten married and I’m not comfortable being around them. Am I just overreacting or is there really something wrong with their behavior?

Signed, Hurt and Offended

 

Dear Hurt and Offended,

It sounds like you’re dealing with a bit of ol’ fashioned jealousy. As a single woman in my twenties I know how frustrating it can feel when it seems like “everyone” in your peer group is off getting married and having kids. Not to mention the unsolicited pity-comments from friends, family, and community members. It’s like you’re walking around with a stamp on your forehead that says, “Single and Suffering” which can definitely start kicking jealousy into gear.

The truth is there is nothing wrong with being single unless you make it a problem. You have the choice to either embrace your singleness or view it with shame. If you choose to embrace it, this is the time you need to dedicate to your personal and spiritual development. This is the time you need to focus on strengthening your relationship with God and determining your God-given purpose, if you haven’t already.

I would also suggest that since you are feeling uncomfortable & unfairly judged by your friends, you begin to spend less time with them. The more time you spend with them as they flaunt their lives, the more likely you are to feel insecure about your single status & possibly develop your feelings of jealousy towards them.

Now I am not saying you should cast your friends out of your life. But, I do believe it will be beneficial for you to spend some more productive alone-time as well as find new single friends that have similar interests to you.

– Coach Ada

Email us your questions for Coach Ada to info@femmelounge.org and be sure to include “Ask Coach Ada” in the subject line.

 

 

 

 

4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. Pingback: Single Friends Of Married Peeps. | TOP NAIJA LINKS

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    Anthony Ogundipe

    August 18, 2014 at 6:34 am

    This is a very nice and truthful article. And yes, married people always want to show off about their spouses when they are with their friends (sometimes even as an attempt to mask their sadness, because some married people are worse off than some singles).

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    WILLIAM

    August 19, 2014 at 7:14 am

    interesting article and Ada i love your reply, women should stop all these subliminal dependency on men after all that’s part of the MDGs (millennium developmental goals). whether married or not live a productive life, put your footprints in the sands of time and have fun, that’s when you will get a husband. Hint: men never take women who are too conscious of marriage serious.

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    Hildegerd

    August 19, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    There is nothing more sadder than a woman that haven’t achieved anything else than a marriage in her life. She is not her husbands queen, she is just his wifey.

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