Adaeze Diana Obiako is a personal vision coach helping young women, battling depression/hopelessness, discover their God-given purpose and start experiencing joy each and every day.
She’s the founder & editor of www.deserveyourgreatlife.com which you can visit for spiritual insights on living and loving greatly. Check out a popular post, 25 Things Every Woman Should Know By 25, from the blog. Now it’s your turn to get some answers.
Dear Coach Ada,
I’m having a hard time dealing with my friends. In the last year, most of them have gotten married or had kids and I’ve been a bridesmaid twice. I’m 26 and single with no boyfriend. The problem is whenever I hang around my friends it feels like they’re always bragging about a promotion their husband just got or showing off how smart their kids are. I try to be happy for them, I really do, but they keep treating me like I’m suffering because I’m still single and it’s pissing me off! I feel like they treat me differently now that they’ve gotten married and I’m not comfortable being around them. Am I just overreacting or is there really something wrong with their behavior?
Signed, Hurt and Offended
Dear Hurt and Offended,
It sounds like you’re dealing with a bit of ol’ fashioned jealousy. As a single woman in my twenties I know how frustrating it can feel when it seems like “everyone” in your peer group is off getting married and having kids. Not to mention the unsolicited pity-comments from friends, family, and community members. It’s like you’re walking around with a stamp on your forehead that says, “Single and Suffering” which can definitely start kicking jealousy into gear.
The truth is there is nothing wrong with being single unless you make it a problem. You have the choice to either embrace your singleness or view it with shame. If you choose to embrace it, this is the time you need to dedicate to your personal and spiritual development. This is the time you need to focus on strengthening your relationship with God and determining your God-given purpose, if you haven’t already.
I would also suggest that since you are feeling uncomfortable & unfairly judged by your friends, you begin to spend less time with them. The more time you spend with them as they flaunt their lives, the more likely you are to feel insecure about your single status & possibly develop your feelings of jealousy towards them.
Now I am not saying you should cast your friends out of your life. But, I do believe it will be beneficial for you to spend some more productive alone-time as well as find new single friends that have similar interests to you.
– Coach Ada
Email us your questions for Coach Ada to firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to include “Ask Coach Ada” in the subject line.