Yesterday, when I took my kids out for some pizza and ice-cream, I bumped into a friend’s husband. He was having a meal (not just any meal, a dish) all by himself and I asked him why he was ‘enjoying’ all by himself! He replied that he gives himself a treat once in a while. And I told him how I thought that was selfish of him considering the fact he was married. I asked if he ever thought of including his wife once in a while in this his ‘enjoyment’. And he said No. In all my many years of marriage, I have never actually thought of taking myself out until I noticed my very own ‘oga’ didn’t have issues giving himself a treat. And so I said to myself, “Why should I now be the one to slack?”
The conversation did not end there O! After I told him that his behaviour was very selfish and unromantic, he started ‘vexing’ and ‘vomiting’ that I sounded just like his wife! I said you see, so it’s not like I am just opening my mouth to talk. I asked him if he had ventured inviting his wife for this his ‘enjoyment’ and he said if he had asked her, she would have said she was busy! “Did you ask?” is the issue here…but No! I then asked him when last he did something romantic for his dear wife and that was when my friend’s husband decided to give me an ‘inaugural lecture on the difference between ROMANCE and AFFECTION!
Listen up wives, but in this case, look up and read well…Nigerian women do not need romance but affection. Women should stop asking for romance like teenagers, that what we really need is affection. Romance does not mean love but affection portrays it. That we should stop asking for ‘things’ that will not be beneficial to us and the rest of the family!I then asked him to differentiate between romance and affection.
This is what he had to say…Romance is just a temporary thing and sometimes a one-off excitement that cannot relieve his wife of stress. But in affection, he is able to cater to the needs of his wife, domestically and otherwise. Expressions of affection and not romance, are loving actions. The more of it, the better. He said he would rather offer a helping hand in domestic crisis when she calls for assistance, praise her when he feels she is doing well in her ‘department’ and keep her company if need be but as for showing romance…it’s a “No No!” Only teenagers do that!*Can you imagine?!*
I don’t see anything wrong in having both AFFECTION AND ROMANCE in the marriage. Having a spark once in a while is not a bad thing and being at my beck and call…doubly fantastic!
After all said and done, my dear friend’s husband got up and said he was off to watch a movie…all by himself! And in my bewildered state, I replied, “I hope you don’t enjoy the movie!”
Writer: Chidimma Ajayi blogs at http://naijahousewife.blogspot.com/, the blog is dedicated to all the Nigerian women out there and will be used as a medium to highlight some, most or if not all of the challenges they go through in their homes as well as their lives. Follow her on twitter @
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