Dear Coach Ada,
My boyfriend cheated on me two years ago with one of his co-workers. I found out from one of my close friends who also works in the same office and said the girl was bragging about it. When I confronted my boyfriend he denied it but then later on admitted that he did cheat and said he was sorry. He cried and promised that he would never do it again. A few weeks after, he proposed. I said yes because I really love him and he takes care of me well. The problem is that I have absolutely no trust for him now. Every time I hear his phone ring or see that a text has come in on his phone I get agitated thinking that it might be another woman. I’ve also been very angry and distant towards him. I’m constantly thinking about the girl he cheated with and I’m really having a hard time letting it to. He keeps reminding me that he’ll never do it again but I don’t know if I should still marry him. Do I stay and try to work it out or do I just go?
Girl That’s Been Cheated On
Dear Girl That’s Been Cheated On,
You’re not in an easy situation. The fact that your boyfriend has cheated before makes it understandable that you might think he’s cheating again and get upset. To me, the first thing you need to address goes beyond the cheating situation. My question to you is what is the purpose of your relationship? You said, “he takes care of me well”; are you talking financially?
Are you mainly with him because of his financial status? Are you mainly with him because it feels nice to have someone to cuddle up with? Are you mainly with him because you’re afraid of being alone? Love, all relationships should be purposeful – spiritually purposeful. You should be with someone that you intend on building and developing a godly relationship (marriage) with that will have a PRIMARY focus on God with a mutual goal to strengthen, encourage, and love one another as you both grow.
All the other stuff like money and looks and a “cuddle buddy” are great perks but if you make them the center of the relationship, it won’t last and the likelihood of cheating scandals will remain high. I suggest you figure out if this relationship is more helpful or harmful to your spiritual growth as a person. If your answer is yes, you must decide to fully forgive him for his indiscretion (as much as it hurts, situations like these provide an opportunity to exercise forgiveness and empathy; he is still a human and capable of error) and “let it go”. If your answer is no, then I really think you should pack your bags and exit the relationship now before you find yourself 5 years down the line bitter and broken. – Coach Ada
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Adaeze Diana Obiako is a personal vision coach helping young women, battling depression/hopelessness, discover their God-given purpose and start experiencing joy each and every day. She’s the founder and editor of www.deserveyourgreatlife.com which you can visit for spiritual insights on living and loving greatly. Check out a popular post, 25 Things Every Woman Should Know By 25, from the blog. Now it’s your turn to get some answers.