Real Women Real Issues

Am I Chasing Him Away With My ‘Dumbness’?



I have been dating this guy for four months. He is two years older than I am and I met him at a friend’s party. He is smarter and more intelligent than any other guy I have ever dated and I really like that about him. But that comes with a downside too; I am always struggling to keep up with him because apart from girly stuff here and there I have no deep knowledge about any other topic. (I didn’t even know the difference between the democrats and republicans or which party Obama belongs to until I met him).

In fairness to him he tries to come down to my level when we are alone, but when we are hanging out with his friends and their girlfriends he enjoys their company a lot because they are all smart like him, even their girlfriends. Most times I feel like an alien in the room, struggling to grasp what they are saying and when I contribute, I see the reaction in their faces even though they try to be polite about it, I would know I just made a dumb statement.

There is hardly any topic they can’t discuss and argue about with ease and with so much in-depth knowledge, from fashion to sports, politics, music, arts, current happenings around the world, just name it. I am a 23year old university graduate but I feel like an illiterate around him.

I have never discussed it with him because I think he knows too. I love him a lot and he is the kind of man I want to marry but I wonder if my ‘dumbness’ will not chase him away at the end of the day.

I am starting to read more and learn new things now, but its so overwhelming there are so many things i don’t know.

– Sad Girl





    May 30, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Babe, I can imagine how you feel. Keep improving yourelf and don’t try to jump into the deep end of discussions.



    May 30, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Awwwhhh…..I think its great that you’re reading up and learning new things. I feel like since he has not made an issue out of it, then don’t magnify it in his eyes.
    Be glad that he loves you the way you are but keep working to become better…..and before long you’ll also be able to communicate on “that” level.



    May 30, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Er…there’s a personal development programme I can recommend that you can actively commit to and in 3 months, you can objectively and honestly measure the results. Also, it’s important you have a heart to heart talk with your bf about this issue so he can be your personal coach. But (and this is the big but), if you’re really not the intellectual type, leave now. Things will get worse as he progresses and the gap widens. A man’s most profound thoughts and moments should be enjoyed with his babe. You will never become his confidant and best friend if he can’t bounce core ideas off you. You will also become personally frustrated as the sphere of his requirements from you become limited to home maker and ego booster:(

    I truly believe that 2 very people can make it as a couple but only if 2 things are in place: similar ideologies and a love for deep conversation. Unfortunately, these 2 things are the very items that are at peril in your relationship


    Joram Njihia

    June 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Hi,Miss Madam, the best way to solve this,will only be to learn widely on all topics,not just because of that guy alone but to improve yourself. The moment you do that your dude will realy realise your effort and will infact love you more. Do not at any one point believe yourself as dump. My views are if you become strong inwardly the strength will project externally and you will have nothing to fear or loose. All the best.



    April 14, 2013 at 11:23 pm

    Babe,to be frank with u, it is crystal clear dat ur man is knowledgeable, yes every day we learn new tin, keep it up as u desired to learn, all u need to do is watch football, music,current affaires,fashion show and political news u are not dumb, u will see that u will fit into their crue immidiately, also disclose with them ur observation from the above mentioned and they will concretize it for clearer assimiliation, by so doing u will find ur self confortable in their mist.



    April 15, 2013 at 5:55 pm

    Don’t worry abt it ok. Jux build your self esteem and listen more whenever they are gistin cos if ur dumbness is being noted the freds will start 2 make jest of u. Bt keep reaadin n ask questions always.



    October 8, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    Girl, take a deep breath. If it’s God’s will, and he loves you and wants you as his wife, it WILL happen soon. If you must, and you have the resources, go back and further your education, it will favor you both in the long run.
    Sometimes, your interests may differ from his, I just started getting politically conscious coz of my fiance, don’t worry, it’s normal. In due time, the things that really matter will surface and you will both enjoy each other, regardless of brain-power, interests, e.t.c.

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