Real Women Real Issues

Ask Ada: I Feel Unfairly Judged By Everyone Around Me


ada (1)Dear Coach Ada,

I used to party and drink a lot and hang around a really negative group of girls. I started becoming a mean girl and would say really horrible things about people. I got really sick of being this way a few months ago and started changing the negativity around me. I started listening to positive audio books and reciting positive mantras each day. It has been working because I have been feeling much happier and treating other people much better. I don’t hang out much with my friends and I haven’t been drunk in a long time. The problem is that my friends keep telling people that I’m acting fake and that I think I’m better than them. I swear I’m not! I just don’t want to be like I was before and I know that hanging with them will make me feel pressure to go back to my old ways. I feel unfairly judged by everyone around me and I don’t know what to do. How do I get them to stop judging me?

Signed, Keri


Dear Keri,

I can relate to this fear of judgment; I definitely don’t like feeling judged. Judgment can be disheartening, especially when you are being judged based on past choices and specific character flaws that you are dedicating time and energy to improve on. What helped me, and still helps me when I feel troubled about anyone’s judgment of me, was acknowledging a simple truth that I will share with you now: YOU WILL ALWAYS BE JUDGED. You, me, and the rest of the world will always receive judgment about something from someone. As annoying or saddening as it might be, it is part of the packaged deal that is called ‘LIFE’. No one escapes it.

The key is for you to remove your focus from other people’s judgment of you and place it on your personal and spiritual growth. Also, remember that despite the harshness of someone’s judgment of you, we are forever in need of spiritual development so look for what might be a valid point within their judgment and do your best to keep improving in that area.   – Coach Ada

Email us your questions to for Coach Ada now and be sure to include “Ask Coach Ada” in the subject line.


Adaeze Diana Obiako is a personal vision coach helping young women, battling depression/hopelessness, discover their God-given purpose and start experiencing joy each and every day. She’s the founder and editor of which you can visit for spiritual insights on living and loving greatly. Check out a popular post, 25 Things Every Woman Should Know By 25, from the blog. Now it’s your turn to get some answers.


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