Before And After

How To Know When Your Friend Is Not Really A Friend


Shocking Conversation

Read more interesting relationship articles by Seyi Obasi on her column on Woman.NGBefore & After

I love having them.

We all love having them.

They are fun to be with. They make the world go round. They help us up when we fall. Their shoulders are available when we want to cry. They are there to laugh with us. Indeed, they make life easier to live.

But…..I am talking about real friends. Those who are really friends.

Are there friends who are not really friends?

Oh yes!

Some friends are closer than siblings. Some are harmful influences from the very start. Still, some start out well but as time passes, their values start to change and their influence on you goes from positive to negative.

How do you know if a friendship has become harmful? There are varied ways to know. Let’s see some clues.

  • Your values have become worlds apart: I am referring here to deep seated values like spiritual values and beliefs. If they are critical of your values or are now so negative, maybe it’s time you stop being friends.
  • They start telling others your secrets: Because of your close friendship, you had shared secrets and pains with them. Now, everybody on your street knows of your struggles just because your friend has a big mouth. You have confronted them but they wouldn’t change. Believe me when I say that friendship needs to end.
  • They always encourage you to do the wrong thing even though they know you think those things are wrong. Things may not be wrong in themselves, but if you believe they are, then your friend should respect your opinion.
  • A friendship needs to end if that friend doesn’t get along with your best friend (your spouse).
  • Your friend is extremely critical and judgmental, even on mundane issues. You have tried to shield yourself from their critical attitude, but you find yourself becoming increasingly critical as well. They are influencing you negatively and you need to distance yourself from them.
  • Your friend is a parasite. He or she does not give back to the relationship and does not encourage any improvement in you.
  • Your friend is no longer friendly. Phone calls are abrupt, conversations are rude and interactions are unpleasant. You have made every effort to find out what the matter is and to make amends but to no avail
  • Your friend just would not forgive a wrong. They hold on to a wrong for so long and never stop talking about it. If you have prayed and spoken to them about it to no avail, maybe you need to move on.

What’s the big deal?

Friends are close to your heart. If they hurt you on a continuous basis rather than help you, that friend is not really a friend.

What do you think?


Writer – Seyi’s bestselling prayer book, praying and confessing the scriptures for your children, has helped many mothers pray and confess relevant scriptures about their children, and has changed the direction of a lot of children. Grab a copy of the EBook here.

Read more interesting relationship articles by Seyi Obasi on her column on Woman.NG – Before & After

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