It Happened To Me

My Affair With A Guy From Political Twitter



One evening, after an unsuccessful boyfriend hunt, I was having a Twitter conversation with a follower while snippets of other conversations were popping up on my timeline.

Someone re-tweeted this good looking guy and I when I enlarged his avatar, I became hypnotised. An hour later, I was still on his timeline trying to deduce his personality from his tweets. He happens to be a staunch member of political/intellectual twitter.

I needed him to follow me without me having to roll on the expressway from Mile2 to Badagry, pleading for a follow back. I was not ready to fill Twitter Form 01 either.

Luckily, there was a heavy criticism of one of Jonathan’s numerous policies on twitter that day, with the help of my current affairs handbook, I virtually tweeted on everything that had PDP in its sentence.

When I was done, I followed him immediately and replied one of his political tweets with “That awkward moment GEJ takes off his hat and we behold a coconut! “See what I did? Don’t forget you need to present a certificate of disapproval for GEJ before you are inducted into political twitter.

At this point, I’d like to give my friend a name. Let’s call him Obasanjo.

I re-tweeted several of his tweets and then proceeded to post “If Nigeria ever needs a commoner as president. A perspicacious person like @Obasanjo fits the bill.”

Did you see how I sounded stupid in a clever way?

Next thing –  a follow back from Obasanjo.

Hoho! I went crazy

Who cares about politics? My ultimate plan was to go on a date with Obasanjo, the political tweeter. An overlord.

In order not to be termed ‘desperate’,  I waited for 48 hours, one of the longest 48 hours of my life before sending him a DM.
Yes ladies, it’s okay to DM a guy first, the content of your DM is what matters.

If I can remember vividly, this is how it began…

Me: Hi Obasanjo?
Me: I’m writing a paper and I’d appreciate your well versed knowledge on Nigeria’s political scene.
Obj: Hit
Me: Do you think the house of reps are guilty of parliamentary dictatorship?
*Long Pause*

May God forgive me for being such a crook.

Obj: erm…that’s a tough one. 140 characters are not suffice for an answer.
Me: You are so handsome…

I can swear I didn’t know when my fingers typed that. Hell hath no fury like a desperate single woman ‘in like’.

There was no reply for ten minutes and I had to keep refreshing his timeline to be certain he was not ignoring me.
Next thing, a re-tweet from one of those useless relationship accounts popped on his TL.
These were not the exact words but the message was;

‘Any man that does have a crush on Nicki Minaj is gay.’

Knowing I don’t bear any semblance to Nicki Minaj, I quickly sent another DM.

Me: *No homo*☹
Obj: What else do you do you do apart from being smart and funny? Let’s hear how you sound on phone.

The weeks that followed after that convo, I became less active on twitter except during my DM sessions with Obasanjo because I could no longer post my razz tweets.
I had exhausted my current affairs leaflet, I had listed ChannelsTV, Nigerianewsdesk & Sahara Reporters, and I spent my nights studying Elrufai’s tweets. At a point, all I did was low key steal Omojuwa’s tweets to remain relevant on political twitter.

Take it from me guys, being a struggling member of political twitter isn’t easy.

Two months after, my twitter hustle paid off. I was on my way to a 5 star restaurant to have dinner with Obasanjo.
“You better order pancakes and coffee.” My friend teased me.

I stepped into the restaurant…

Yes, this is one of my boyfriend hunting adventures that comes with an almost happy ending. Obasanjo liked me a whole lot but hey, he was (is) engaged. So, I had to let him slide back to the follower zone.

If you are ‘trying’ to join political twitter or there’s a guy you are probably crushing on from political twitter, you can follow my strategy. Hopefully, yours doesn’t turn out wearing an engagement band.

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