Funke Egbemode is a writer and Editor at Sun Newspaper, in a recent article titled ‘I’m Worried About Our Sons’, she addressed critical issues Nigerian women need to face in raising sons and preparing them for life as a husband and father.
Here is an excerpt from the article;
Today, I am worried about our sons, today’s young men. I am truly worried and every mother should pause, take a closer look at her sons and daughters and answer this question: are you empowering your son for the journey ahead of him? Answer truthfully, after all you are alone and you don’t have to let anybody hear you.
I think Nigerian mothers have not done well raising future husbands and fathers. Let’s admit it, we have not scored above average that is if we achieved average at all.
Take a closer look at your beautiful daughter and your handsome six-footer son. Who is better prepared for the task ahead? I know some of us had realised this and have done better than others but most Nigerian mothers need to buckle up. Our sons are not what they should be and we cannot have the society, the country we desire when we put unprepared men and overgrown boys in positions of authority. I’ll explain myself.
In too many homes, the wives are the bread winners. Too many women are paying the rent and picking bills that make a man the man. We do not need figures from the Office of Statistics because I know every woman in this country knows at least one family where the man is not truly the head. He is just a figure head. And every man who is a figure head is a sad commentary on his mother. Every young husband who waits for his wife to draw her monthly check before the monthly shopping can be done is a figure head, a proceed of a failed mother. That is harsh, right? Yeah, I know there is a place for God in what man becomes in life. It is from Him all blessings flow and only He gives power to make wealth. But did you, madam, even teach your son that simple fact or are you too busy preparing your daughter for marriage in addition to her getting the added advantage of attending the same Ivy League schools like his brothers? A son attends Babcock University in Nigeria or Imperial College in United Kingdom with a daughter but the daughter is trained to cook, pamper a man, be nice to in-laws and bring up children, all while she’s getting a degree. The son learns how to play basket ball and wash a car. The daughter learns how to bake and how to make hair and do make-up. Girls with Masters degrees see nothing wrong in going to learn dress making . Boys dust their CVs and write glowing stuff about themselves and send out thousands of job applications.
After two or three years of fruitless search for non-existent jobs, don’t our boys start ‘processing visas’ to travel to even the most ridiculous places, countries with no pastures, least of all green ones? Meanwhile, the girls set up make-up studios, start ‘mixing cream’ making hats and dresses and everything that makes money. The boys wait for the big time to arrive in one day. It doesn’t, rarely does. So the girls begin to grow in age and in bank balance. Ripe for marriage but no man is plucking because they are still waiting. See why girls are marrying late? They acquire degrees and cars, some even properties while waiting for Mr Right to come along. By the time he eventually comes along, the girl is already doing well in business, entrepreneurial skills honed. For a while, love covers the gap but men are not wired to be anything but the head. That is why most men quote how Sarah calls Abraham ‘Lord’ in the Bible. But Abraham was stupendously rich by Bible accounts. He also spoilt Mama Sarah silly. In other words, every Sarah needs an Abraham.
Inadequate, angry and frustrated, a man whose wife picks the bill soon finds avenues to vent his ire. Violence is one of those avenues. Shamelessly philandering to belittle his ‘richer’ wife is another, like impregnating the maid or a restaurant assistant. Are you linking the rate of failed marriages to what mothers have failed to do? There is a limit to a woman’s endurance and our millennium daughters have no threshold for suffering. In any case, a woman who bought herself a car is not the one her husband can threaten with ‘if you touch any of my cars…’ A woman who picks heavy bills in the home is not the one who will notice that her husband is not bringing his income home. These girls are liable to walk out of marriages too easily, too quickly.