Imagine you saw a lovely leather shoes that you’ve always wanted in a store, you put them on and walked around the store to be sure it was your right size, they seemed to fit perfectly so you bought them and took them home. But just few days after you bought them, you realized that they had expanded so much that your feet began to slip out of them a little when you walk. Would you return the shoes since you still have the receipt or do you love them so much that you wouldn’t mind to use a shoe pad to make them fit and comfortable?
Sometimes people change after marriage, and for their spouses, it can be quite a shock to think that they have one thing and then discover that it is what they had expected but with a little more surprises. We have heard stories of men saying their wife was so much fun and adventurous before they got married and then changed into a nagging monster after their wedding; some women have also said that their man was a romantic and understanding person but became prosaic and controlling after they got married. Sometimes the changes could even be as simple as a good habit or routine being broken!
These little surprises can also come in beautiful packages, for instance a man that was unmotivated and lazy before marriage could suddenly turn around to become more industrious and driven, or a woman that was selfish and carefree before marriage, stops and learns to share with others after the marriage.
Do these changes really happen just because they got married?
Sometimes the surprises could seem new but have actually been there all along. Courtship comes with so much excitement and it is possible to overlook some certain behavior or tendencies in the other person, because they were not looking closely enough at each other, or didn’t bother to probe further into some certain traits until they got married.
But most times people do change after marriage; not necessarily because something has gone wrong with their relationships, but because they are humans, and people change in response to new experiences. Just like some people would change when they become a boss, and some people will change when they become mothers or when they relocate to a new country, changes in personality and character can also spring up from the new experiences that marriage brings.
The greatest challenge is not in being able to give reasons to why people change, or to identify if it’s a pleasant or unpleasant change, as significant as these are, it is also important to know how to deal with these changes when they occur.
When things change or are a little different from what we have purposely chosen and gotten comfortable with, we often become distressed. Today, there are many people who cannot deal with their partner’s changes, and are not sure if they should learn to cope with the new changes or fight against the change at all costs.
The success of the marriage depends on the ability of the couple to assess the change selflessly and decide if it’s for the good of their marriage or not, and also on how they are able to adapt to the new experience brought by the marriage without being inconsiderate . For some it could be the the partner will have to learn to live with the new changes and for some it could mean that the changed partner will have to drop the new habits.
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