Real Women Real Issues

Help! My Parents Are Ripping Me Off!

   

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Today, a young woman share with us her dissatisfaction with her parents’ attitude towards her money.

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I grew up in a poor family, my mother has been a housewife since she got married (and I always wonder why she chose to be) and my father was a civil servant until he was retired some time ago.  I am the first of four children and we have never ever had enough to meet our basic needs.

I graduated from a polytechnic after years of struggling and doing odd jobs to finance myself, and after walking the streets of Lagos looking for job everywhere and anywhere I finally got a fairly decent one as an administrative assistant in an accounting firm. The salary is not anything to brag about, but it is at least better than nothing. I also sell cheap women underwear for some extra cash.

My problem is that since I got this job my parents have handed over their financial responsibilities to me, I pay the bills , I give them money for the family upkeep, I pay their debts and take care of my siblings, my salary doesn’t last a day!.

I love my siblings and hate to see them drop out of school or go astray. My immediate younger sister recently started going out with an old married but rich man to get money, because the financial burden is just too much. The funny thing is that my mother is closing her eyes to it; she says if my sister is able to marry one of the rich men, things will change for us.

My last boyfriend left me when my parents started making heavy financial demands on him too, despite the fact that he gave my mother money to start a small business twice. She spent the money and never started a business.

My life is practically on a hold, I can’t save to do any meaningful for myself, I can’t even afford to buy nice things for myself because my mother will say I am being selfish. My mother always manipulate  me emotionally by saying they have done their bit by raising me up that now it’s time for me to take care of them too.

Both of them are less than 55 years old, and sometimes I wonder why they haven’t worked hard enough to cater for us and for themselves. They are so laid back and not ready to go out and rough things out to make a living for the family, they prefer to go around borrowing and wait till their children make money to take care of them.

Some of my friends are also experiencing the same thing, even those with working parents, many parents think that once a child starts working the child has to repay them all they have done to raise him/her up it doesn’t matter if the child is still struggling or not.

Honestly I am so exhausted and tired of all these, I don’t know how to make things better.

 

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0 Comments

  1. tolu_cutie85@yahoo.com'

    abosede

    April 19, 2010 at 1:56 am

    hi , sis , this is so sad , seeing parents literally shirking their responsiblities to their kids , my advice to you is that you do your best and leave the rest . Dont overstretch yourself in satisfying them , at the same time remember that they are your parents whether good or bad , never fail to honour and respect , they are your life sources. God will change your situation around and make everything beautiful.

  2. modupeogundeji@yahoo.com'

    MODUPE OGUNDEJI

    April 19, 2010 at 10:05 am

    I know how she feels. Heck, I thank God for my own parents, as what can I say, my dad paid for my Schooling and Masters degree! My mum has been financially there for me and dad too even as I am married.

    My advise to my dear here is for her to set the records straight, tell them they are harming you and dragging you down with them!

    If there are no changes, call a family meeting or get a pastor! Praying for you o!!

    • adeola@yahoo.co.uk'

      Adeola

      March 16, 2011 at 1:01 pm

      Sweets, u have no business commenting as u definitely do not understand this kind of challenge or ‘know how she feels’…

      • damixsx@hotmail.com'

        dami o

        April 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm

        lol lol instead she is bragging about how her parent paid for her degree and masters etc thank God for that but not every one parent are like yours

  3. nneky_sifo@yahoo.com'

    Nneka

    April 19, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    This is mega-sad. Honestly I’ll have to agree with the commentator that suggested you set the record straight with your family. Also I think you might have seen some of the traits in them from how they treated or talked about their ‘richer’ relatives that couldn’t share. Not to blame you or any such thing though.

    I also suggested that IMMEDIATELY you get your salary, deposit a percentage in a savings account that is UNTOUCHABLE! I mean you have to act (even to yourself) like that account does not exist. If you don’t start saving amidst the issues you currently face, you might just end up like your parents and bug the crap put of your younger ones when they get jobs too!

    Such a grave misunderstading of the difference between Priviledge and Right. I’m all for caring for your folks and all that gooood stuff but in your case, draw the line fast!

  4. ebonyoma4eva@yahoo.com'

    omada

    April 19, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    you have to take charge! set the record straight, let them know dat they are slowly killing you financially. bt u have to be wise about it, so as not to offend them.bt like u indicated above, they may not see reason with u…
    so like the writer above said, hide part of your salary, even from urself,cos at the end of the day, if u have nothin to show for all ur hardwork, the same people you spent it on will insult you.

    another tip: next time u get a raise or salary increment, don’t inform dem, cos trust me, the demands will increase.

  5. pateuropa@hotmail.com'

    Patrick Agbedejobi

    April 20, 2010 at 2:13 am

    Well, there is nothing bad in helping parents, but some parents do not really understand what it is like ,i think the issue of parents laying back and depending totally on their independent kids is more or less one of the archaic beliefs and practice in the yoruba culture as is the practice of beating up kids.I also went through that, the point is , you can not allow your younger ones to go stranded in that situation.So you would definitely help, but the lesson from this is to have less kids you can care for, if you want to be less responsible in your 50’s.

  6. atinuke_gbenro@yahoo.com'

    Tinu

    April 20, 2010 at 4:27 am

    My dear, I am also in that situation, only that since the beginning of this year, I have decided to start an unaccessible savings. Do you even give your tithes? Just remember the little salary God has entrusted into your hands is just a test of how you are going to handle the big salary. The Lord is your strength.

  7. kiirushiro@gmail.com'

    Sheeze

    April 20, 2010 at 4:58 am

    This is really sad and I must say I identify with you because at 25 I’m in the same position but the last born been catering for my parents same case retired civil servant father and my mom a house-wife,my elder sister got a baby whose now 1 1/2 years old and I’m catering for her too. I had to make a firm decision just last week to move out and get a life of my own, I often got into problems with my boyfriend because many at times I would dish out money to my family meant for us. So Angry Daughter have some time and get to talk to your parents and let them know you have a life of your own and they should hep you out in achieving your dreams rather than making it a problem. Praying for you.

  8. beautyay@yahoo.com'

    Beauty Fabulous.

    April 20, 2010 at 5:33 am

    This is really sad…am actually short of words.
    Why don’t you send like an older couple your parents respect or the pastor of your church to talk to them and let them know what they are doing isn’t in your best interest.
    I think you should try this or better still put your foot sown and really make a list of what you are capable of financing each month.

    Am going to be praying for you, meanwhile,
    Don’t despair, God will touch their hearts.
    Take good care and be of good cheer.

  9. ayinkebon@yahoo.com'

    Bolu

    April 20, 2010 at 8:30 am

    Sorry Dear, you are not alone in this situation, just have it at the back of your mind that this too will pass. Life is all in phrases; I always relate it as a clock that ticks, so surely, this phrase will tick away. God will bless you more than you can comprehend that their care will be a small thing to you. Also pray for a good man to come along, I’m riping from a good man, all the things I couldn’t afford before I can now for example, I remember my undergraduate days, I couldn’t afford to buy gold jewellery at all but now Gold is too cheap for me. I’ll rather collect diamonds.

  10. unyimek2007@yahoo.com'

    Unyime-Ivy King

    April 20, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    I couldn’t help but comment on this one because this seems to be the lot of most African Children. You are faced with a difficult situation i must say, but you really do need to draw the line and not allow yourself to be blackmailed emotionally/psychology. Much as the Bible advocates that we honour our parents/take care of them, it also says that a good father leaves an iheritance for his children/children’s children-u can draw your own inference from this. I suggest that you respectably, and gently, in a tone of love, let your parents know what you can afford to do per month and what you can’t. If you are not strong, you cannot help someone else.Without any disrespect meant, i think your parents are not showing responsibility and consideration. Draw a firm line and do not cross it, nor allow anyone else to.

  11. titilayo714@yahoo.com'

    Olajumoke Opemuti

    April 21, 2010 at 5:02 am

    Hello dear,in as much as you want to set the records straight,do it as gently as possible,kindly tell them the strain this putting on you and it is actually affecting you,you can be wise and tell them that your office is cutting peeps and if this is out there is no other way to it,or you just tell them that you can afford to pay your siblings school fees and that is the best you can do.You are to honour your parents and not disrespect them.However, bfore you go to them,just pray and tell God to help you soften their hearts and to yield to your suggestions.God will definitely make a turn around.

  12. larrahromire@hotmail.com'

    Lara

    April 21, 2010 at 7:40 am

    This is sad and hard, you have to pray to God to soften their heart and see reasons with you when you discuss the issue with them. Do not be disrespectful when discussing with them, honour them and hope they see reasons with you

  13. yomi_adu@yahoo.com'

    Yomi

    April 21, 2010 at 8:39 am

    this is so sad, and im so short of words, like everyone has said, dont be discouraged, i pray the story will change soon, but in the meantime u can maybe talk to someone that could help u relate the message to them in a matured way, it is well

  14. phunmbi@yahoo.com'

    olu-sanmabo olufunmbi

    April 21, 2010 at 9:27 am

    sad but true-dats d reality 4 some in Africa.like so many v said previously,u need 2 b wise n act fast.draw a line n don’t ever let any1 cross it.make sure u save a % of ur salary each mth,no matter how small.u may talk it over with ur parents-but no matter their reaction do not let it get 2 u.do ur bit in d house n 2 ur siblings.talk with ur siblings 2,to see if they can b more industious.wish d best

  15. turpz4life@yahoo.com'

    temitope

    April 21, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Dearie i feel for you, i really do, you need to stand firm and make your parents know you need to get a life. Agree with them on what you will be doing for them every month, draw out a budget, 10% is your tithe, 20% for your savings, 30% for your upkeep and the remaining 40% for your parents and siblings, prayerfully present this to God and tell Him to take control of your life before presenting it to your parents. God will help you!

  16. nikioby@yahoo.com'

    nik

    April 21, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    this is a sad situation, got a friend facing the same thing and it ain’t funny cos he does not get to save day in day out… well my dear your tithe is the most important thing u know, do that and u will c u will never lack.if you can move out of the house… better

  17. tnasiru2002@yahoo.com'

    miss nas

    April 23, 2010 at 4:48 am

    I can imagine what u r going through, poor u.
    sorry but talking to ur parents about this might create more problems than solving it as they’d think u r ungrateful and proud, trust me, they will think so.
    henceforth, as earlier suggested, set apart a little part of ur salary that CANNOT be touched, might be hard but try.
    let them know u cant cater for everyone’s needs. start planning on how u can live ur life – alone, it doesnt mean u’re gonna be out of touch and reach, just on ur own.
    good thing u r the first child, encourage and harrass ur younger ones if need be to start making cash, they must be able to take their lives more responsibly, if its doing laundry or anything, they must do it. be in the driver’s seat of ur life, will be hard but doable.

    wish u the very best dear, God help u.

  18. steven60@yahoo.com'

    Steven

    April 25, 2010 at 1:55 am

    I can imagine what u r going through, poor u.
    sorry but talking to ur parents about this might create more problems than solving it as they’d think u r ungrateful and proud, trust me, they will think so.
    henceforth, as earlier suggested, set apart a little part of ur salary that CANNOT be touched, might be hard but try.
    let them know u cant cater for everyone’s needs. start planning on how u can live ur life – alone, it doesnt mean u’re gonna be out of touch and reach, just on ur own.
    good thing u r the first child, encourage and harrass ur younger ones if need be to start making cash, they must be able to take their lives more responsibly, if its doing laundry or anything, they must do it. be in the driver’s seat of ur life, will be hard but doable.

    wish u the very best dear, God help u.

  19. chiliz722@yahoo.ca'

    Liz

    May 7, 2010 at 5:39 am

    Believe me, I feel your pain & frustration. Talking to your parents in a mild but firm manner after laying it out to God in prayer is a good idea. But don’t expect them to be understanding. In fact from your description of them, they’ll be highly offended.
    Darling, do not let their reaction downhearten you. In the crisis you are going through, you need to be strong & take drastic measures.
    As already suggested, save a regular amount in an account. Plan on leaving home, perhaps a friend & you can double-up. In unambiguous terms, make it known to your parents that they are still young enough to care for themselves & to your siblings to learn to be financially indepent early in life – not by being promiscuous though -. The latter do not need to go to university at your expense.

  20. arewa81@yahoo.com'

    omo'ba adeteju atanda-ajimotokan

    March 16, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    I feel you big time, everyone has said it all.
    I would simply suggest you pray about this issue to know what step exactly to take.
    All I wish you is greater heights work and financially so that all ur responsibilities will be met.
    But try to take the bull by the horn.
    IT IS WELL!!!

  21. reachher2001@yahoo.com'

    Mariam Opanuga

    March 17, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Need i say more after all that has been said, check out all the suggestions that had been given carefully and prayerfully select what would best fit the situation and address it. It is well with u.

  22. leolizzy2001@yahoo.com'

    Yomi

    March 17, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    it is better you take away pretence from this and let them know your stand, do the little you can but your life is more important and your destiny is in your hand.

  23. kcool4ever2003@yahoo.com'

    kay

    May 20, 2011 at 1:58 am

    err well i think confronting your parents is not the way to go, just let them be believe m , i know the kinds of parents you have, they can go to the extent of cursing you calling u all sort i suggest you drift away stylishly gradually and slowly( i know they cant allow u move out of the house) try getting a job in another state maybe

  24. wandy4wheels@gmail.com'

    tolu

    March 16, 2012 at 1:29 am

    my own opinion is that you should try to stay away from your parents reach/contact for a while.
    if you still stay with them, maybe you should stay/split rent with a friend at her place.
    dont contact them in a while but let them know u re going away so that they wount start searching.
    help your younger1z in anyway you can.
    and contact your parent maybe after 3 months, by then u shld have saved some money to give them, some for yourself, some for your younger1z nd u might still be able to spend on yourself.

    staying away from your parents for 3 months isnt a bad idea as secondary school boarding house students do it all the time and im sure they can do without u for a while.

    yes, this is your cross to bear but you dont have to bear it alone, you have to apply wisdom and Jesus.
    pls you only live once and life is too short to be unhappy all the time.
    God bless.

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One of our favourite quotes at Woman.NG is a line from Emeli Sande’s Read All About It; “If you’ve got the heart of a lion, why let your voice be tamed?” This has inspired us to publish Nigerian women’s take on about everything. From conceiving a child to burying an old loved one and every life experience in between them - Nigerian women’s stories, opinions, issues, debates, advice, news etc. Read More >>

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