Marriage

I Found Another Woman’s Panties in My House

I wish this weren’t true, but unfortunately, it is. Today I was looking for a bag in my closet and noticed a folded black bag stuck in my shelves where I keep my purses that I didn’t immediately recognize.

This didn’t throw me too much, I collect a lot of odd bags and sometimes save ones for years- sometimes I give them away or use them for a picnic lunch or something. My sister is a magazine publisher and she gets free goody bags and often gives it away, etc., etc…

SO! I unfolded the bag and now I really didn’t recognize it. It had the names of chi chi International cities on one side and 5 star world hotels on the other.

bag-001

Still no clue. So I look inside…

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AHHHHH! A pair of long pink rubber gloves and a pair of dirty panties that are not mine!

Yes, I took out the panties and looked at them. Not my brand, not mine, I’m sure of it. I don’t have any Maidenform.

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I am about to post  a picture of the panties, so DO NOT CLICK if you don’t want to see the grossness I saw!

bag-007

Wait for it…

bag-008

AHHHHHHH!!!! MY EYES!!! They were stained, and had some black stuff on them! Could it be…mold?! NASTY!!!

Divorces have happened over much less. I haven’t had any female friends stay over lately who could’ve left a bag. We don’t have a maid. My husband said “remember when the landlady brought over an architect last week?” Well, I left the house, I wasn’t here, but my husband said the architect had a female assistant who was measuring things for him.

Well, I imagine she’s pretty good at measuring things, hmmmm?

I believe my husband, I just don’t think he’s cheating on me what with all the nookie he’s getting at home. It’s not his character at all. The only other thing in the bag was a man’s business card, but I won’t print his name and number here- ha. Not sure if the dude is married and don’t want to ruin his life if he is.

Now what do we do, call our landlady to get the girl’s number and return her moldy panties? Awkward!

 

First published on Girl to Mom

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