This is a no-holds-barred discourse for young women waiting for the man of their dreams.
1) Define yourself; determine what you will or will not take, what standards and values you will not compromise on. I can tell a whole lot what you think about yourself by the kind of man you choose to be with. A girl who has low self confidence will give herself to any man at a huge discount. You must stand up for yourself, appreciate your strengths, downplay your weakness and decide the level of life you want to play at.
2) Don’t be with someone at any level lower than where you are at, socially, educationally or economically except you are convinced of his potentials and you are sure without a doubt that he is bigger than the place where he currently is.
3) He must bring more to the table than you do; he mustn’t be dependent on you in any way. He must have a place to stay, drive his own car and pay his own bills, the day you start to prop him up that day you have in your hands a liability. Don’t get me wrong here he doesn’t have to own a house or drive a car, however he shouldn’t be living in your apartment and driving the car you bought while you use public transport. After you are married, of course he should be able to use your things, perhaps life deals him a hard blow and he needs time to recuperate, that’s fine. But before the marriage, before you say I do, make sure he is not using you as a crutch.
4) He must buy you gifts; this is a sure sign that he is seriously with you. Do not take the lack of money as an excuse. The thought of giving you a gift no matter how inexpensive it is, is what is most important. He must get you a gift on your birthday at least. Note that if he forgot your birthday it’s not a crime, some people are bad with dates so that’s fine. He can make it a belated birthday gift.
5) You must be proud to show him off to your family and friends, he could be short and fat and ugly but if you love him, you will be fine with his looks.
6) Don’t manage him ever; if you don’t really know if you love him and are just cordial to him, you are probably with him because you feel you are getting old. Well wine gets finer with age so who cares, (flips weave). It’s better to be 40 and have peace than be 30 and unhappy with broken ribs.
7) Let him be the one to impress you not the other way round; before you are married to him, you shouldn’t be the one trying to impress him, you are the queen, the princess, it is on you that the choice ultimately rests. Now I am not saying that you should be high handed and rude. I am just saying be sure you are not doing for him, what he is supposed to do for you.
8) The people that matter most in your life should at least be comfortable with him, your parents and siblings and close friends.
9) Remember that he will not change – the story of the princess kissing a frog and turning him into a prince is a fairytale. If he beats you, gets drunk, flirts around, is irresponsible before you get married, he will be exactly the same man after the marriage.
10) There are good men around; don’t think the good men have finished and stick to one who treats you badly. If he is treating you the way you do not want to be treated, don’t for once think that that is the way all men are. Be sure that he doesn’t have issues to deal with. If he was molested as a child, or came from a background of domestic violence the truth is that he will have issues to deal with. Be sure that you don’t want to live with the consequence of another person’s actions because you are special and you deserve the best.
So why settle for less…?
Writer: Chinenye Nnoli is a Mum, spoken word poet and blogger at www.metrowomanng.wordpress.com
Image credit – Munaluchi Bridal
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