It Happened To Me

The Man Who Raped Me Died Yesterday And This Is How I Feel


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Some aged parents have lost their star son, a wife has lost her husband, two daughters have lost their father, they are sad and inconsolable, but I am not.

I was only 13 when I was brutally raped by my 22-year-old neighbour, I was home alone when he knocked on our door, he said he had just returned from his University and his family wasn’t at home, they were not expecting him so they didn’t drop the key. I opened the door and let him in, he sat down, put on the TV and brought out a bottle of Fanta, he asked if I wanted, I dashed to the kitchen to grab a cup, I took a sip and that was the last thing I remembered until I woke up to my mother’s wailing and shouting.

He denied ever seeing me that day, he said he was in school and never came home. His family believed him, they never saw him that day, and nobody saw him apart from me.

My parents were too ashamed to fight for me, they didn’t want more people knowing about what happened, I bled and couldn’t walk straight, and they massage me with hot water. They were afraid what neighbours, church members, relative and everybody else would think of them if they knew their first daughter had been raped.

Our Pastor said I had the spirit of lust inside me and that is what made me a victim of rape, they did deliverance for me and prayed against the marine spirits they believed lured the man that raped me.

I didn’t return to school for almost one year, and for that one year, I did not take a step outside our compound. My parents lied to people I had gone to stay with my aunt in Lagos.

I repeated classes before I could graduate from secondary school, it took me a long time to get admission into a polytechnic. I couldn’t talk about the trauma or how much it had affected my mental health. I talked in a low voice and walked with my head down, I was damaged inside and outside.

The man who raped me walked around freely, they celebrated his graduation, they celebrated his wedding and his children naming ceremonies, I saw him every Christmas when he would come to his parents’ house with his family. I heard stories of his many successes.

Two years ago he sent me a text, “I just got your number from your cousin now, can we let bygone be bygone? please”, I never replied.

Yesterday, he died. He was attacked by armed robbers, powerless and helpless he begged for his life but they shot him in the head. I am not happy or sad, I feel nothing.

– Phebe









    July 15, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Karma always has a way of hunting down evil doers. He should have come to beg for your forgiveness….he still had the effrontery to send a text causally saying let by gones be by gones…



    July 17, 2015 at 3:20 am

    Yee… I don’t know what I would have felt too. Oh dear…



    July 17, 2015 at 3:40 am

    My first response would not have been helpful. Having had time to think. It is time to move on. I can imagine the emptiness the experience must have created and the annoyance the flippant apology must have evoked. Though the experience may have caused some delays and a lot of pain, it really is time to let go… And don’t undestimate the power of prayers. Not your fault and you are not guilty. You are not less than any woman.



    August 6, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Dear it hurt a lot, but you’ve to let go and start a fresh. let the genuine spirit of total forgiveness flow in you, ask God for help. Lack of forgiveness bring about set- back in once life. also you can see a counselor ( cos you need to speak to someone).



    September 30, 2015 at 7:20 am

    It’s high time you let go like you said dey celebrated his success it’s high time your parent see you in a new let them celebrate you too light not our daughter that was raped but our daughter that made something good for herself despite what she went through you are strong raise your head high don’t let your tiara fall cos you are a queen #girl power



    November 22, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    Hi. I’m a guy, I don’t know if I should be here. I just want to recommend a book. It changed my life. ” Attitude is Everything ” by Keith Harrell.
    Take care.



    November 23, 2015 at 9:19 am

    It’s so sad that he never came to ask for forgiveness. No one can understand what you are going through. May you find total healing and don’t blame yourself for what ever had happened. I pray that God forgives him and that his sin is not visited on the family he left behind. It took you years to say it out and I salute your courage; a lot never say it out. It’s time for us to speak out

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