It’s puzzling how quick my answers were the first time my father asked me this question.
“What kind of man do you hope to get married to when you come off age?”
I didn’t need a dictionary to tell me what I already had in mind so, I gave my answer. “He has to be tall have a beautiful body, speak well…a foreign accent, not too Nigerian, have a foreign education, I’d love a half-caste, I want him to have a fleet of cars, own a huge company and be very rich.”
For a long time, I didn’t understand the look my father gave me after I had given him my answer or the fact that he kept quiet and continued the watching the 9 o’clock news as though I had never spoken.
Now I understand. Do such men exist? I know that as ladies we conjure images in our heads as to what we hope our dream husbands will look like or be like but is that really possible? Can we get it all? Growing through the challenges of every phase of life including encountering men who match the physical qualities you seek yet hold no torch to the inner qualities you need or vice versa, I realize that we actually need to be prepared for disappointment.
Don’t take it personal! When I say disappointment, I mean ‘accepting whoever we love just the way they are’ besides we are not perfect. For every individual, there is a hidden quality that makes the person different from the other and this is what sets us apart from everyone else, hence I urge every woman to look for that in the search for a soul mate.
The questions you should ask yourself are:
- Do I see myself next to him in the next twenty years?
- Are we compatible?
- What are his best qualities?
- How much do I love him?
- Does he love me enough to do anything for me and can I do the same for him?
- Does he love God as much as I do?
The sixth question is the most important as many ladies run from that question. I’m not going to delve into spiritual talk but the truth is, when a man loves God, there’s this completeness or wholesomeness that exists in your relationship with him. And because God, is a God of love, it’s easier to understand the concept of love through God’s eyes hence, your partner’s love for you grows deeper by the day.
In conclusion, I guess I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way. Most times, we do not choose who to love, they choose us and then, it’s PERFECT.
Writer – Adaeze Ibechukwu is a lady with a passion for God and life. She’s a script-writer, novelist, talker and a creative journalist. She enjoys spinning stories and has a blog-site where she writes stories series, she’s also interviewed some A-list Nigerian celebrities.