Sarah Symonds, former mistress and author of the controversial Having an Affair? A Handbook for the Other Woman says the signs that you’re dating a married man are always obvious. When you see any of these signs, don’t turn a blind eye!
His ring finger is two-toned
If you meet him in a nightclub setting for instance, it’ll be difficult to see that untanned ring on his finger where his wedding band usually sits. But if you’re fortunate enough to meet him in broad daylight, stretch out your hand to indicate how pleased you are to meet him, then grab this chance to look for any evidence of a ring tan mark. Doing this before you look at his shoes or belt, to check if he’s your type, will save you from heartbreak down the line.
He never answers certain calls in front of you
He doesn’t know you well enough to ascertain whether or not you have psychotic tendencies, so he’ll never risk losing his family by speaking to his wife in front of you. The same goes for replying to your texts and WhatsApps. He’ll read them, but will only respond hours or even days later! Just to prevent you nagging, he may even deactivate the blue ticks in his WhatsApp settings (the option that tells you when someone has read your messages).
He only ever calls during the day, while at the garage filling his car or on his way somewhere, but never after he’s just woken up
Ever heard of the six-to-six rule? Your new man will never call you before 6am or after 6pm, and in doing so, he’s also teaching you that he’s not available outside of those times. If he’s a traveling businessman, you may find that when he’s out of town, all of a sudden he’s generous with evening calls.
His date requests are always unplanned and very rushed
You could go days without hearing from this guy and then suddenly he’ll call on a Monday afternoon and ask you to meet him at a restaurant on the outskirts of town. I mean what are the chances that you’ll bump into someone he knows there? That’s another red flag. He always decides on the venue and it’s usually somewhere where you won’t find crowds or a lot of activity, like a five-star hotel bar. Also, his weekends are out of bounds because that time is set aside for his first lady and the children.
He has multiple cellphone numbers
And this is not to say that you should be highly suspicious of any guy who has three numbers or two phones, but you should be if he refuses to give you his other numbers or if the number that you have is constantly off. Furthermore, his text messages to you are always professional and bear no sign of a romantic relationship. This is his way of covering his back should he ever get caught!
He discusses current affairs more than his personal life
Does your partner play his cards close to his chest, never giving away too much about his friends, his family or what he does for a living? This is merely to protect himself in case you know some of the people in his life or go digging into his past.
He avoids talking about your future together
This is only because he doesn’t want to be insensitive, or honest and tell you there isn’t one.
He’s never invited you to his place
There’s a good reason why he won’t ever invite you to his home, and it’s not because it’s untidy as he keeps telling you! He always insists on carrying out your romantic escapades at your place. “It’s more convenient because your linen is always so crisp and clean,” he says. And he never wants to spend the night and cuddle, because he’d rather face your anger than infuriate his wife and raise her suspicions by missing ‘curfew’. Besides, you knowing where he lives would be a dangerous move in case you showed up at his house unannounced on those many occasions when he’s mysteriously not answering your calls or messages.
His social media accounts are very discreet
How many times have you met someone you thought could be a potential boyfriend and then went straight to Facebook to cyberstalk him? A cheating married man knows that an active social media account is as good as going on a radio station to talk about his life. Firstly, you will expect the two of you to be friends or even follow each other on these social media platforms. Worst of all, you may even want to tag him in your pictures and show the world he’s yours, when these are the very things he’s trying to avoid. Even if he has a social media account, it probably doesn’t even have a profile picture and his status was last updated three years ago.
He told you he was in the process of finalizing his divorce
This right here, is the most popular lie spread by married men who want to con women into falling for them. Anyone who is in the process of finalising a divorce should have no trouble letting you in on what’s happening in his life, right? If he continues doing all of the above, even after this confession, know that his wife is still very much his Mrs.
There’s never any celebration of special occasions in your relationship . . . Because he’d rather be caught dead than pose for pictures with you. If he won’t even tell you when his birthday is, perhaps it’s time you moved on to someone who will willingly erect a billboard on the freeway proclaiming his love for you.