Body & Health

This Waist Matter Is A Serious Matter!



By Seun Akinlosotu

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last two to three years, you must have heard of waist training by now. Just in case, waist training is when a woman wears a corset or girdle for at least four hours a day. Some people wear it when they work out while some wear it under clothes as part of their routine. The whole idea behind it is to shrink your waist size by a few inches.

Now you could probably just hit the gym and get your svelte mid-section but then ain’t nobody got time for all that. Besides, some ladies especially those who have had babies can testify that there can be that stubborn part of your belly that just refuses to go away.

 I decided to join the band wagon of waist trainers. I paid considerable good amount for a brand that Kim K & co use, and was super excited to start using it. Soon as it came in the mail I hugged it, kissed it, and gave it a name – jigbishapala (because it would do shapala to the jigbi jigbi around my waist), did my running man, and then set it down on my dresser. For the next 3 days I walked by and starred right at it in slow motion, did the moon walk, roundabout and finally those sherubawon hand gestures; sort of like I was waiting for it to ripen or something – please don’t ask me what the heck I mean by a waist trainer ripening up. It is clearly a mental thing at this point.

On the 4th day, jigbishapala was ready to go to work. I walked to my bathroom mirror and after sucking myself in I was able to strap it on super easy. I quickly took selfies and sent it to Mr. Q, explaining my latest attempt to shrink – and of course since he lets me do and say all the crazy I have in me, he just said “ku ishe”. Loll….

I wore the waist trainer for about 5 hours the first day, and then 7 hours the next day. I looked kinda funny in it though. I immediately decided this was not a gadget I was comfortable wearing in public, so when you see me outside I will not have it on. It just looks so weird underneath my outfit, plus the fact that I don’t need any hindrance to my eating game when I am in public.

Then one day I was at home on a Saturday and wore jigbishapala as I cleaned the house. Soon after cleaning I sat on my bed and fell asleep with jigbishapala still on, and then I had the dream.

Yes, I had a dream in broad daylight. In the dream I was in the midst of people and I suddenly couldn’t breathe, like I was struggling for air; and there was an air meter nearby showing me how much air I had left. I was almost down to my last breath and I started gesturing to people that I was wearing a waist trainer and that’s why I couldn’t breathe and needed help. No one understood my gesture and they were looking at me funny, so I quickly started undoing the hooks myself, racing against my air meter. It was like a bomb was about to go off.

I succeeded in taking the hooks off as the last air meter reached its last air. I was about to breathe a sigh of relief and then I saw there was another set of hooks to undo.

I shouted in exasperation AH AHNNNNNN………..
And I woke up.

Let’s just say I haven’t gone near the waist trainer since then. I don’t know who sent me work…


Seun Akinlosotu is a Tech Analyst by day and an aspiring Writer by midnight. She’s a self proclaimed Romanticist who likes to write light heartedly. Her write ups are geared at a cross mix of audience, none of which will need an Oxford Dictionary to understand her. There’s more to read from her at & on IG @Chechecosmos

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