Sade had just had an afternoon on the town with her girlfriends. She loved them to bits but somehow she just couldn’t get past the feelings of discontent every time she met up with them. She tried to analyze these feelings as she drove home.
What irked her? Okay, her friends were either married or engaged to be. Well, they also had great jobs that came with all the perks. But she wasn’t jealous, was she? Nah, that couldn’t be it. She’d known these ladies for forever; she could never be jealous of them. Why then? Why did she feel the need to measure up, to say something important too when they talked about all that was going on in their lives? She couldn’t fool herself, it wasn’t because she just wanted to share in the banter; too much preparation went into her gists for it to be mindless chatter. It had to be that she didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb. Yes, she struggled with the slow pace at which her life was going and she had started to feel like she was losing out.
To make matters much worse, she was now caught up in the ‘someday’ routine. Someday soon, she’ll get that plum job she’d been eye-ing; someday soon, Frank will take their relationship to the next level; someday soon, she’ll marry and have her own cute kids, then she will been able to join in the gist without having to think of what to say, or the exaggerations to dredge up… How did things become this bad?
She sighed as she parked her car in front of the bungalow she still shared with her mother. Something had to give, she just didn’t know what.
A lot of us have been in Sade’s shoes at some point in our lives. We want to belong, to raise our head high amongst our peers and feel needed. That’s not bad at all but the problems show up when it is obvious we have attached our worth to things and statuses. We’re only confident enough to attend reunions when we’re married and supposedly doing well. We console ourselves that we will be able to talk and be important like others when we attain some level of social acceptance. It’s so sad because good as they are we do not need these things to prove anything to anyone. Those are just the fringe benefits of being alive and working hard. To truly be alive we need to connect with ourselves and be proud of who we are as women. We’re special, unique and priceless just the way we are. We do not need jobs, relationships, men, marriage or even children to complete us. These will come but we must not place them in spaces they cannot occupy lest we pressure them, and drain the life out of them with our need for constant validation.
Celebrate yourself young woman; celebrate your life, however slow you may think you’re going. Be the jewel that you are!
Writer: Remi-Roy Oyeyemi is a writer, managing editor, blogger and author. Check out her blog – www.royremi.blogspot.com
Image credit: Moca B
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