It Happened To Me

“Sisi, My Son Likes You O!” – When A Mother Toasts A Woman On Behalf Of His Son

   

son-mama

By Seun Akinlosotu

So what gist do I have going on here? This is something that happened about four months ago.

I really don’t understand what’s going on these days honestly. Maybe I’m so old school and I don’t know what the trend is about asking a woman out. In short sha, this man boy’s mother and older sister toasted me on behalf of this grown ass man child.

I’ve said this a million times that I’m always minding my business when people bring ish to me. I was in an African store, buying my naija groceries when I noticed one yellow pawpaw boy eyeing me. I had to look over my shoulder a couple of times to be sure he wasn’t starring at someone behind me; sure enough he was starring right at me. Now I’m a very correct girl so I don’t knock an admirer’s glances, they can look all they want. My job is to smile politely and thank God that he made me easy on the eye.

As I maneuvered through the aisle in the store, this boy kept following me up and down smiling one kind smile. At this point I was like abi diarrhea n worry eleyi ni?

So I got to the checkout counter and standing in a far corner was yellow pawpaw grinning from ear to ear. Standing right to my side though were two women (older like 60’s and mid 40’s) who were checking me out, whispering to each other and nodding and then repeating the process. At this point I was like okay I need to gerrourahere fast and go look in a mirror because something ain’t right if two women are checking me out.

I finished paying for my items and proceeded to exit the store when the older of the women said  please I want to talk to you, don’t go okay. So I smiled and said okay ma, but continued to walk towards the door. She followed me outside o. By the time I turned around I saw the two women and yellow paw paw standing behind me. It was at that point that I realized they must all be together. He stood there smiling sheepishly; the following conversation ensued:

Younger woman: Hello my dear, what’s your name?

Me: Sav

Older woman: You are beautiful o

Me: Ahh! Thank you ma

Older woman: Where are you from?

Me: I’m Yoruba (I could see they were Igbo)

Mama: Yoruba? Ehn ehn…. Issokay. Are you married?

Me: No

Mama: You get man?

Me: Ahh!…. *Chuckling* No answer.

Mama: No need to answer sef, because e no matter as long as you never marry. You are now ours. This is my son (points to son) Ebube, and he showed you to us in the store and said he likes you. And as my daughter and I were looking at you inside we liked what we saw.

Me: Trying so hard not to laugh like a hyena at what I was hearing.

Younger woman: Where do you work?

Me: So so….company

Younger woman: What do you do there?

Me: …..so…so…so

Younger woman: Ohh okay….. So, that means you went to school.

Me: Nods in the affirmative

Mama: Ahh, that’s good, that’s good. We must marry you. In fact as I’m seeing you now I cannot let you go. My son must marry you. Will you marry him?

Me: *Still chucking like an idiot there*

Mama: It’s true. He really likes you ehn…you are a fine girl. Oya what is your number so we can call you….

Yellow pawpaw who has been quiet this whole time steps forward with his phone in his hand with that darn primary 5 grin on his face.

I call out my number to him and he immediately dials it saying “I want to test to make sure the number is real”.

They reiterate they will be calling me. Me, I save the number as: YELLOW PAWPAW, DO NOT PICK UP.

Within the next 24hrs Yellow calls me at least 10 times and leave a barrage of voice mails, none of which I listened to. Delete…Delete….Delete. More calls over the next few days, all ignored.

If your mum and sister have to come do the talking on your behalf, you best keep stepping to your diaper change because ain’t nobody got time for little boys. Let the real men step up please! Gaddem it!

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Seun Akinlosotu is a Tech Analyst by day and an aspiring Writer by midnight. She’s a self proclaimed Romanticist who likes to write light heartedly. Her write ups are geared at a cross mix of audience, none of which will need an Oxford Dictionary to understand her. There’s more to read from her at www.lovedeyshackme.blogspot.com. & on IG @Chechecosmos

 

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. enitanawoga@yahoo.com'

    Eny

    November 3, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    Eeya. Pele *wiping tears from my eyes on your behalf* Honestly, if yellow paw paw, do not pick up, had not said he wanted to “test” your number, I would have concluded he was probably dumb. Very distateful!

  2. des234@gmail.com'

    Dammy

    November 3, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    ????????????

    My chest have burst o! You waited all through this and responded to every!

    You are what my mum had in mind when she said to be patient in life.

    • cherishekaye@gmail.com'

      cheche

      November 3, 2015 at 8:53 pm

      Lol…..u guys better step up…..lol

  3. larrahromire@hotmail.com'

    Lara

    November 11, 2015 at 5:54 pm

    This is just ridiculous…Yellow pawpaw is just a no no

  4. Tiebet1958@gmail.com'

    Tiebet Joshua

    November 16, 2015 at 7:23 am

    Nay nah. You are so hard on yellow paw paw. Some men love to be led and I’m surprised to see a woman refusing to be the Lord of the house.

  5. nikilicious_me@yahoo.com'

    Me

    November 18, 2015 at 1:37 am

    Great story. Made my night. Put a very big smile on my face. I think you would make a great author.

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