So what gist do I have going on here? This is something that happened about four months ago.
I really don’t understand what’s going on these days honestly. Maybe I’m so old school and I don’t know what the trend is about asking a woman out. In short sha, this man boy’s mother and older sister toasted me on behalf of this grown ass man child.
I’ve said this a million times that I’m always minding my business when people bring ish to me. I was in an African store, buying my naija groceries when I noticed one yellow pawpaw boy eyeing me. I had to look over my shoulder a couple of times to be sure he wasn’t starring at someone behind me; sure enough he was starring right at me. Now I’m a very correct girl so I don’t knock an admirer’s glances, they can look all they want. My job is to smile politely and thank God that he made me easy on the eye.
As I maneuvered through the aisle in the store, this boy kept following me up and down smiling one kind smile. At this point I was like abi diarrhea n worry eleyi ni?
So I got to the checkout counter and standing in a far corner was yellow pawpaw grinning from ear to ear. Standing right to my side though were two women (older like 60’s and mid 40’s) who were checking me out, whispering to each other and nodding and then repeating the process. At this point I was like okay I need to gerrourahere fast and go look in a mirror because something ain’t right if two women are checking me out.
I finished paying for my items and proceeded to exit the store when the older of the women said please I want to talk to you, don’t go okay. So I smiled and said okay ma, but continued to walk towards the door. She followed me outside o. By the time I turned around I saw the two women and yellow paw paw standing behind me. It was at that point that I realized they must all be together. He stood there smiling sheepishly; the following conversation ensued:
Younger woman: Hello my dear, what’s your name?
Older woman: You are beautiful o
Me: Ahh! Thank you ma
Older woman: Where are you from?
Me: I’m Yoruba (I could see they were Igbo)
Mama: Yoruba? Ehn ehn…. Issokay. Are you married?
Mama: You get man?
Me: Ahh!…. *Chuckling* No answer.
Mama: No need to answer sef, because e no matter as long as you never marry. You are now ours. This is my son (points to son) Ebube, and he showed you to us in the store and said he likes you. And as my daughter and I were looking at you inside we liked what we saw.
Me: Trying so hard not to laugh like a hyena at what I was hearing.
Younger woman: Where do you work?
Me: So so….company
Younger woman: What do you do there?
Younger woman: Ohh okay….. So, that means you went to school.
Me: Nods in the affirmative
Mama: Ahh, that’s good, that’s good. We must marry you. In fact as I’m seeing you now I cannot let you go. My son must marry you. Will you marry him?
Me: *Still chucking like an idiot there*
Mama: It’s true. He really likes you ehn…you are a fine girl. Oya what is your number so we can call you….
Yellow pawpaw who has been quiet this whole time steps forward with his phone in his hand with that darn primary 5 grin on his face.
I call out my number to him and he immediately dials it saying “I want to test to make sure the number is real”.
They reiterate they will be calling me. Me, I save the number as: YELLOW PAWPAW, DO NOT PICK UP.
Within the next 24hrs Yellow calls me at least 10 times and leave a barrage of voice mails, none of which I listened to. Delete…Delete….Delete. More calls over the next few days, all ignored.
If your mum and sister have to come do the talking on your behalf, you best keep stepping to your diaper change because ain’t nobody got time for little boys. Let the real men step up please! Gaddem it!
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