Real Women Real Issues

My Dilemma As A Step Mother To A Teenage Girl

mama

By Jenny

I am a step-mother to a pretty thirteen year old but if I am given a second chance, I will never choose to marry a man with a child again.

My husband’s first marriage ended when their daughter was about eight, so she was a bit aware of the anger and bitterness her mother suffered because of the divorce.  Many things went wrong with the marriage, they both had their faults and though my husband could have stayed and make it work he opted out for reasons he thought was best for them.

I married him one year ago and it has been hell living with his daughter. I try so hard to be good to her but always scared of disciplining or correcting her because she always exaggerates it and make it look like I am maltreating her because I am not her mother.

There have been so many conflicts in our home because of that, my husband  thinks I don’t care to correct her because she is not my child, but when I do  he thinks I am maltreating her because she is not my child.  Her mother and her family know every single thing happening in our home and I am really not comfortable with that at all.

She has told me to my face that she hates me for taking her mother’s place and she will do anything to bring her parents back together.

Living with us gives her a whole lot of opportunities that she will never have if she is living with her mother, and I think she deserves to have good opportunities in life. But right now I want a happy marriage too and I am seriously thinking about insisting that she leaves our house to live with her mother.

I feel selfish and guilty for thinking that way, but I am about to have my own child now and I am afraid that things will get worse if she stays.

 

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3 Comments

3 Comments

  1. solade03@ymail.com'

    ben

    August 22, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    This is a sensitive topic and has to be dealth with csrefully, “he who wears the shoe knows where ir hurts”. .Each situation is specific and peculiar. for a teenage girl, it could be worse. anything you do can be classed as negative because people have different take on every situation, But its your home now and you need to be happy. Treat the girl as u will want yours to be treated no matter what anyone says. But you need to protect your home, marriage and ur unborn child. If u are selfish while doing so, then so be it,,,,,,,,,

  2. rosyranks@yahoo.com'

    nma

    August 25, 2012 at 7:23 am

    step mother cases
    are always sensitive. i myself i am one. till dis day i still regret the decision to have married a single parent. ma hubby had a son when he was 17yrs old and 17yrs later we met. thou all through our dating he never told me about the boy but wen it was imminent that our relationship was going towards marriage he opened up to me. i said no 2 him @1st but after ma family pressure cos no f=girl in d family was married yet i succumbed. it has bin one prob or another.we got married last yr and we have a 9months old baby now . it has not bin an easy journey. his son is 20yrs old now but has loads of unruly behavior.i had 2 ask ma hubby 2 send him away because no day passes wit ma hubby and i quarreling because of him. in fact as at April i considered divorce.every woman needs 2 b happy in her home

  3. adeyemisiheg@yahoo.com'

    Jessica Nwanguma

    December 3, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    Being married to a man who has been previously married or had a child outside wedlock is tough. Firstly you have to know the reason behind their separation so that u don’t end up being a rebound girl and what we Nigerians call a learner, secondly ur husband has to learn to balance d 3 (ie u, his ex and children).It is very challenging and even frustrating as most men make it clear that their kids are much more important . The new wife ends up being a piece of furniture that fills a particular position in d house. Proper communication and understanding b4 and after the wedding is important and if u as a man u think she is no position to handle ur kids then u should stick to their mum even in her grave. that’s if she’s dead and not wreck a woman’s happiness

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