Marriage

Lonely Married vs. Lonely Single

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Written by Ms. Anonymous

Who would have thought that two love birds who were head over heels with each other will one day grow stone cold and emotionally distant towards one another? By now I’m sure you know it’s a myth that married folks don’t get lonely. They hide behind the masks of a big house, kids and cash and make you feel all is well when it isn’t.

After the dust settles after a lavish wedding celebration, the masks gradually wears off, you begin to hate the real person you call your spouse and discover lots of things you don’t like about him that you overlooked while you were dating.

It’s a lonely world out there, who cares to listen to your stories.You wish you were single and not stuck in this rut.Many ladies desperate to get married are clueless about the years ahead when couples disconnect and struggle on to find the purpose of their marriage. A good number of women are enduring their marriages instead of enjoying it. Many are married but still lonely. After all we thought getting married would cure the loneliness but it hasn’t. Agreed, everyone gets lonely from time to time but I personally think the married ladies are struggling more than the single folks when you consider:

Friends: The singletons still have tons of friends to hang out with after work, over the weekend. It’s strange in our society, once you get married, you lose a lot of your friends. Those who aren’t married are either jealous or feel you’ve moved on so they break off. Your diamond ring even puts off regular guys who could have been just friends. So, you’re left with a shortlist of people with your spouse no longer on that list. Isn’t it a shock that you and your spouse share no more than a last name and a roof over your heads? You thought you got married to your best friend but you’re still searching for one. Unlike the married ladies who have so much expectation from one guy to keep up with, those who are single share this pressure among so many.

Time & Space: Single folks have no time commitments to spouse or kids. They can hop on and off the plane for a quick getaway anytime they want. Married ladies can’t easily travel and not so often without their families, maybe a few trips alone but maybe business trips. You thought you were finally married and your spouse would share your dreams of globetrotting but he’s either scared of flying or a prudent accountant that sees vacation as ostentatious. All you can do is go online and dream of all the trips or cruises that might never be. Even if your spouse was ok with a trip every now and then, you either cancelling and rescheduling so many times or having to take the kids out during term time to make it happen.

Emotional Disconnection – there’s so much noise about domestic violence these days and how to curb it. This is great but isn’t there a host of women who aren’t been attacked violently but have been emotionally abandoned. I don’t know which one is better but you don’t want to have to make this choice. When you constantly think of a divorce, it hurts more to continually think you feel stuck with this person who is emotionally disconnected with you but heading nowhere. You wait all day for a call or even a text asking about your welfare but your phone doesn’t ring and even when it does, you nolonger feel any sense of connection with him. When you’re still dating, it doesn’t hurt as much when you’re disconnected, you know he’s either not the one or you’ll get someone but when you’re married, what are your options?

Filling Up The Void: For many married women who no longer enjoy their marriage, they get lost with their kids or career. After all, ‘I’ve lost my spouse’, they say, then let me hold on to what’s left’. They spend hours working very late, take on very demanding schedules to run away from the hard fact that that’s all life means to them. Many ladies get married thinking their spouses will meet all their physical, spiritual and emotional needs but are quickly disappointed when they realize their spouses are unfortunately inadequate to fill that void. You wonder how you got into this mess and how much you have been deceived but can only hope for the best.

 

If you are married and still lonely, get professional therapy to help during these stormy times.

 

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