Motherhood

Loving The Unexpected Child

   

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Three of the major industries that cater for today’s woman are beauty and fashion, assisted conception and contraception. Every year women the world over continue to invest billions in these industries as the demand is always on the increase. With so many cover pages of glossy magazines churning out how today’s woman should look like, you are either left with no option than to consider and commit to a newly advertised product in a class of its own promising ageless beauty.If you’ve got the cash, why wait forever to conceive naturally when assisted conception is only a gynecologist away.

That’s the tone of this generation, everything can be got and bought with a click and having babies isn’t going to be an exception. After you’re done with having babies, the big question is what to do to avoid another baby at all cost. For some who are really ‘done’, they tie their tubes. Others who don’t want to tamper with their bodies insert a coil or use a patch.  A few who have got regular periods just stick with their charts while a handful do nothing.

After all you’ve done to avoid sleepless night nursing another newborn, an extra mouth to feed or more school fees to bother with, you’ve missed your period and the test isn’t negative. Isn’t it such an irony that while millions of women on one side of the globe desperately waiting to have their own babies are saving up to pay for an IVF, others in another hemisphere are doing all they can to ensure no eggs get fertilized.

Imagine after waiting for so many years to have a child, then you decide to have an IVF, you finally are delivered of twins and just before they turn two you get pregnant naturally. You’ve been through a lot during the IVF cycle already, then carrying the twins to term was a bit and nursing them for a year has been a real burden even with all the support you have. What do you do?

You’ve got four demanding kids and you’ve done all you could to make sure that was it but the last few weeks you’ve been feeling unusually unwell and the doctor confirms there’s bun in the oven. What do you do? Your kids have just finished their A-level exams and all hands are on deck to raise funds to send them off to the university, you’re looking forward to when they’ll be done and even been dreaming of when they’ll get married and have their own kids but you just found out you’re expecting another baby at 44! What do you do?

No doubt the birth of this child will not only bring sadness at the moment but don’t regret as you blame yourself for making this happen. You can’t let depression take over. If this baby had no complications during pregnancy, went through intense labor and survived it, don’t you think it will take more than your effort to keep that baby for a lifetime? As long as you continue complaining about the sleepless nights, not having any time for yourself or even how your personal plans have been delayed, you will never see this baby as a blessing.

When this child grows up and becomes a gifted child, getting all the prizes and accolades, then we want to identify with this child. It’s tough now but who knows for that special reason the child was born?

Stop Telling People You Weren’t Expecting Him – After your first two kids, people are quick to ask if you’re ‘done’. Depending on your response they could tell if this child wasn’t expected. It’s a lot of discipline to be quiet about it because the more you talk about all you did that didn’t work then you’ll begin to get angry at child and yourself.

Give Each Child Equal Opportunity – It’s tough to give your best to a child you didn’t plan for. Some parents go to all lengths to have their kids overseas, they follow all the rules to the letter while they are pregnant but when it’s an unexpected child, they even skip their antenatal visits, medications, use second-hand clothes as well as being quiet about this baby on social media.

Thank God For Him – It’s very easy to be grateful to receive what you have always longed for. How do you really thank God for an unexpected child? Just do it. Don’t think about it, don’t justify it, just say thanks each time you’re not happy about the baby. We never know all the answers, we don’t know why the contraceptives failed or how much blessing he will be in the future.

Don’t Abandon Her – You might think because she’s your child under your roof, you can’t abandon her. You know when you give her just the basics or the minimum, then you have abandoned her. If you tucked your other kids in a bed with a bedtime story and a kiss but you’re too busy to do that for her now, then you’ve abandoned her. It’s tough to keep up but it’s only for a while.

Don’t Blame Yourself – Many mums live with tons of regrets. You say to yourself’ ‘I wish I had replaced my coil earlier’ or ‘I wish I didn’t take the risk’. Over the years, blaming oneself hasn’t solved any issue as regrets don’t reverse events, it has only resulted in people getting depressed and getting stuck at that point. Move past this event, it’s a change in plan for now but your life still goes on.

– Anonymous Reader

 

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