So last night I was talking to my friend *Deolu (name changed for privacy reasons) and we ended up talking for about 2.5 hours. I know right!! A whole 2.5hrs yarning on the phone!! My friends know there’s never a boring moment with me.
Deolu and I are old friends. Actually an old toaster who was introduced to me by one of my many non-biological aunties when we were having our “iwo omo yi, lo marry now ahn ahn… mo fe plan wedding o.” Translation “you this girl, go an marry now ahn..ahn..I want to plan a wedding”.
So aunty *Mopelola had tried to match make Deolu and I, and as usual once I saw a red flag the first couple of dates I ran 440 and friend zoned him sharp sharp.
Deolu and I haven’t spoken in months (that’s another story entirely…. my lips almost got raped & I had to slap some sense into him so he could regain his sanity because obviously he must have lost it- for him to think he can plant one on me without my permission or approval.
Anyhow, he has since apologized and promised not to step out of line till he’s 90 years old. I don’t trust that boy so I’ ain’t gonna be hanging with him alone. My lips are very precious to me thank you!
Okay, back to the story, so Deolu and I were catching up, he’s been calling since my birthday to catch up; that’s how we got talking about dating, marriage and what not. Deolu has always acted like committed relationships and marriage are like leprosy. He’s very anti-commitment.
Somewhere along the gist he said “Savannah, there’s a reason I’m the happiest among all my friends. Deolu and his clique of friends are very successful (career & business) men so I was a bit surprised to hear that this group of men not so happy. I asked why and he said because they are all married.
He couldn’t delve into the plethora of marital issues the boys were having but he said that his advice to all of them is “you should have remained single & just screw around like I do”. I was like but why would you give anyone such an advice? He says because it’s true.
This guy now goes on to tell me he has messed around with single girls, engaged girls, married girls and pregnant girls (No, not pregnant for him). At this point I had nearly fainted on my comfy couch. Say what now?? Pregnant women? Married women too? He said he has been chased by dogs and husbands…
I had to ask why the married women though and the pregnant women too? In all fairness he said none of the pregnant ones were naija (Sigh of relief…there is still hope for my country). He said the married ones were bored with their husbands and the whole marriage thing.
I also had to chide him for letting married women get into his pool of potential trysts but he was like “Savannah, I promise you every single one of these girls came after me on their own and they border line stalked him and since “NO” is not in his dictionary when it comes to the nitty gritty….”.
Gone are those days when married women just folded their arms and sulked while their husbands have a spree of girls outside.
By now you know I’m sitting up and enjoying this conversation.Deolu goes on to say he’s friends with all of these girls and they don’t want to leave the security blanket of their marriage but they get off some kind of high knowing they can play games behind their husband and he doesn’t suspect a thing, yet he thinks he’s the only one having a ball with all the girls outside.
Just the thrill of spending more time in the toilet texting him, meeting up at his house for an afternoon rendezvous in the sheets, and even sneaking off to a car when they meet at a party is enough to get the girls hooked. So now that he has been there done that with the married ones he’s even more convinced that there is no more sanctity in marriage and he wants no part of it.
He definitely said more but the little about married women got me thinking quite a bit because I have come across a situation where a babe married her husband a virgin but she has had many more partners after she got married because her husband was not exciting.
So my thoughts are thus: Is there anything that can be done to prevent a married woman from having a boyfriend or a lover? (I know we are now all about what’s good for the goose is good for the gander) but a part of me still finds it’s unnatural and unsettling to deem it okay.
Is it a woman’s responsibility to shake things up between the sheets and in her marriage in general, and what role should a man play in all this?
**** Names changed for privacy
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