We are all a product of our past and our upbringing but we have a choice to be inspired and not be haunted by it. Even if your parents weren’t the best of role models, there’s at least one good thing they did well that you can emulate and pass on to your own family. Don’t judge your spouse, they think their background or values were the best till that ‘light bulb moment’ when they realize there’s a better option.
Many conflicts in marriage would be avoided only if we paused to understand where our spouses are coming from. The men in our lives need to be willing to change and embrace new standards to be and do better than what they received but in the meantime, let’s be patient while we work the issues. During the dating period you’re clueless what type of husband you’ve got till a year or two down the road.
There’s no perfect husband, no one husband does all these things. You want a marriage that’s got each of these in the right proportions not a skewed marriage. You hear some ladies say they enjoy the guy’s passion and commitment but wish he could earn more and spend it on them, another lady whose hubby splashes cash on them wishes she had your not-so-rich hubby that comes home early to take her out on Friday evenings. The greener pasture doesn’t exist, work around your issues and get the best out of it.
There are husbands who will give you lots of their:
Time – While most ladies are complaining their husbands are either workaholics or spending considerable time away from the family to pursue their hobbies, a few women enjoy lots of quality time with their spouses. A guy who sets out each year not only to do the minimum by paying bills but challenges himself to plan special family memories is worthy of applaud. Some women live through the yearly humdrum of nothing planned for another birthday or wedding anniversary, others wake up to the surprise of what their husbands have planned months in advance. Many men struggle with competition and the need for recognition at work and so give their time away at all cost to get and sustain these.
There are still a few men who would leave work early because they play tennis with their wives each evening. They are high flyers at work, they’ve got the deadlines and crazy schedules we all struggle to keep up with but they continuously make an effort to spend time with their wives and kids. Unfortunately, not many dads attend their kids’ school events but these guys who give of their time go the extra mile to be there for their kids to cheer them at every event. Do you expect a guy whose father never went swimming with him or even read a bedtime story to him do so to his kids easily?
Money – It’s possible to have wealth and not have an issue spending it. Some men are very stingy, they’ve got the cash but refuse to spend this on the woman they claim to love, they prefer to know they’ve got so much in the bank but complain each time when they have to spend it. They talk about how things are tough but they remain content to invest so much on their personal gadgets or other women than take care of their immediate family. Most men show their love by giving, they give you cash, gifts, trips etc.
Many women have also come to believe that if a man really loves them, they should spend their hard-earned cash on them but this isn’t always true. Most women long for quality time with the man in their lives. Even if your hubby gave you all the cash this world has to offer, you’d become lonely at some point as this cash bundles can’t give you a cuddle or a kiss on a lonely cold night. I’m sure you know many ladies who have everything they need or want but live a very lonely life. Their spouses think they are doing their best to give them their credit cards and that’s it but are clueless their wives wish they could spend time together.
Sex – women who really enjoy sex must have a strong drive as well, many enjoy everything about getting prepared for sex, the chase and the excitement of looking forward to it. Years after you’ve had kids and the challenges in your relationship begin to take a toll on you both, sex is almost non-existent. It’s easy to be deceived that a guy who spends lots of time with you in bed loves you. There are marriages where the guy is emotionally disconnected with his wife but makes up by giving her lots of cash to spend, this is quite the opposite when the guy doesn’t have much cash to spend but makes their room a warm haven to return to each night. Neither scenario is ideal but a right balance is what most women crave for. A guy who ensures his wife is satisfied in bed but fails to provide adequately for her physically and financially might think he’s doing his best.
Sex, like quality time and money are vital ingredients in any marriage but it shouldn’t be offered at the expense of the others. Besides, with the hectic schedules most couples in the city keep up with, regular quality time in bed is almost never possible. Some men don’t have much cash to splash or the time commitment that most marriages deserve but they make up by being very romantic, lots of affection, making you feel very cherished and special. Some are even wordsmiths, their wives wake up to a daily dose of romantic poetry that gives her a spring in her steps.
Passion – there’s nothing like having a companion that shares your core values and cheers you on to achieving all your dreams and ambitions. Some men are content to watch their spouses devalue in talent and skill as they add no value to them year in and out. Some spouses set goals for their wives especially if they aren’t self-driven. They constantly looking for opportunities for improvement, challenging the status quo and striving for excellence. There are husbands who would take their spouses out for an early morning walk within their estate conscientiously than watch them pile up pounds eating bags of crisps while catching up on their favorite TV channels. Some men are blessed with the gift of organization and would often plan quick getaways with their spouses, draw up a year plan and stick to it.
As a wife, you’ll find it easier to submit to a guy who’s not self-centered or selfish and who refuses to let you get comfortable with mediocrity. I’m sure you’ll prefer a guy who goes jogging with you every morning than one who complains you’ve put on so much weight since the baby came. A guy who will reschedule his late work commitments to keep his word to take his wife out to see a movie is passionate about investing in his marriage. He may not have so much money but he’s keen about going the extra mile for his spouse and family. Most guy are disconnected from the details of running their home and leave the overwhelming task to their wives. A guy who would ask his wife to lie in on a Saturday so he can fix the meals, empty the garbage and even babysit so his wife can go out with her girlfriends has got lots of passion. Some men are hands-on, others aren’t.
Now you know what type of hubby you’ve got. Every marriage lacks something the other one has. Do all you can to remain happy and thankful for yours, trust me the grass isn’t greener