I have been pondering over this topic for a little while now, and I think it all started after I read a blog reader’s comment about how women constantly are barraged with articles on how to keep their man.
I’m legit tired of hearing step 1 to 10 on how to land a man, keep him, keep on keeping him, keep keeping to keep on keeping him content and happy. Ain’t nobody got time for all that! I have to work, I have to build or run a business, I have to attend to the kids-if any. I serve in multiple units in Church, Got to pretend to be doing Shaun T’s Insanity work out DVD- where in actual reality I’m balanced in front of my TV with my sugar popcorn saying to myself “Seun, just do the exercise mentally, it’s all the same. I have to make sure my weave is on point, cannot be smelling anyhow; got to make sure my posh accent is flowing at the right time.
Got to read Forbes, Business Week, NY Times so I know what’s going on in the business world; then read Vogue magazine and Cosmopolitan so I’m in tune with the latest fashion, and ways to satisfy le boo when we get to it. On top of that, I have to caution my culinary skills to not be limited to Indomie & pepper chicken daily! Ahnn my daily social media intake in there too o, from LoveDeyShackMe, to Bella Naija SDK, to Linda, to IG, to FB, I mean, I am a very busy woman darn it! In addition, let’s not forget the koko- which is I have to remain prayed up!
So on top of my important schedule as listed above I now have to be worrying about step 1 to 10 of how to keep on keeping someone? How about we flip the script and talk about how to get a Naija girl to legit fall in love & stay in love with you. I say legit fall in love with you because I won’t lie, women are smart; naija women especially are very smart. Don’t be fooled o cos all na packaging. They will tell you all you want to hear as they are rubbing your head and you too, mumu will fall for it, put a ring on it, & start lamenting when you find out she only married you for the ring & name change.
Not all of us are like that though. Some of us will rub your head and genuinely make you feel like the king you are, without any ulterior motive. We however don’t just fall deeply and stay in love with you, without you haven put in any work. We have expectations too albeit mostly silent ones. But not meeting our expectations is what culminates in you being served roaches for dinner, none stop nagging, robbing you blind by tripling expenses, taking off at the slightest sign of discomfort, reading a novel while you are on top of us or even imagining it’s another man doing the deed. We stop praying for you, and yes, yes, yes we cheat on you.
So here’s a list of what we expect from you men to get us to legit fall and stay in love with you.
- Have a relationship with God: You cannot say you don’t believe in God and expect us to think you are normal. If we tell you we don’t believe in God as well you had better wake up at 1am to see what angle our legs are on the wall. Most Nigerians are raised to believe in the supremacy of God, that there is a higher being and we reverence Him.
- Know how to pray: See ehn, once you take off the Ferragamo & Givenchy, there is nothing sexier than a man who can get on his knees and give honor to the most High. Seeing our man pray/seeking God is helluva sexy I tell you. All that gra gra you men be doing, like you’re too big to be bowing before God.
- Be truthful/Honest: Have some integrity- period!
- Be intelligent: We all love a man who is smart. Matter of fact Naija girls love watching their man amongst a group of men speak intelligently over versatile issues. I however don’t mean in an over sabi, I’m always right kind of way. We watch you and secretly smile, hi-fiving ourselves saying “Yup, that’s my baby”.
- Be Kind and Generous: I don’t mean be footing our bills up and down when we are not even married. Yes, we expect our man to give if, and when he can. Shower your woman with what you can afford. If you can comfortably afford a $200 bag as a gift for your lady, but you now decide to buy a $20 bag for her – I have to ask you why? Most girls can deduce their man’s pocket at some point and will know if you are being stingy. This reminds me of when one dude asking me out bought me a salt and pepper shaker set as a 30th birthday present. The price sticker under it was $1.99. Let me not say beyond this.
- Be hard working: Hey couch potato, get up and get working. Find something doing no matter how small. “I don’t believe in working for someone, I want to be my own boss”; this is fine as long as you have the resources to start and sustain a business. You can build a business on the side while earning a steady income. Please, Please, Please, a lazy man is a turn off! And this applies to you men who want to marry a girl for her daddy’s money. Everyone can tell including the girl, her family, your friends, & family – You will never be respected! Don’t be a houseboy in your own marriage.
- Bedroom matters: I don’t know how you’re going to do this but please satisfy your woman in bed. Here’s a public service announcement: Women have orgasms too. Don’t go and be doing like tolo-tolo there and be done in 1 minute. Read books on sex or something. Just strive to be way better than mediocre. Talk to your woman. Get rid of that colonial thinking that a woman who knows what she wants in bed is loose. You should be happy actually.
- Be a great family man: For the yet to be married men, we want to see you be a great son to your parents, a fantastic brother to your siblings. And if you’re married already – make your wife and children a priority. One of my aunts once told me that her husband was a shitty husband but the best father her kids could ever ask for, and because of that, she remains in the marriage and is quick to forgive his errors when she sees how dedicated he is to their children.
- Dress well: If you know you don’t know how to dress, please take your closest female friend to the mall with you and admit you need help. Your outward appearance is the first thing we see. Especially if you are not handsome, respect yourself jejely and please give us something to work with. Look, walk, act suave.
- Be an asset to us: I don’t mean this monetarily. If the relationship ends today – let there be something great that we will miss about you. Let there be a very visible positive difference/growth in my life when you’re in it. You can’t however help me grow if you are not growing in someone way either. Iron sharpens Iron.
Please add yours to this list! What’s it going to take for you to be his Bonnie!
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