A young lady attended a counselling session, most of her skin stitched up like someone who had been hit by a trailer. And I kept wondering why she had to be brought in her condition. Did they know I wasn’t a medical doctor? I was curious. The woman who’d accompanied her started with, ‘my daughter we need your help.’
And I said, ‘how may I help you, ma?’
“This girl is my neighbor’s wife. But her husband wants to kill her.’
She launched into a long winding tale about the victim’s horrid marital experience. Apparently, the abused girl was married off to a man she barely knew because he had a decent job. Her mother disapproved of her relationship with her youth corper boyfriend who she had, until the point of her marriage, dated for three years.
The troubled marriage in question was only two years old, and she had lost two pregnancies during some of her husband’s violent outbursts. The first time she lost a baby, she ran home to her mum from the hospital. She couldn’t take it anymore, she’d said.
Now here comes the shocker: her mum nursed her for a week and told her she had to go back to her husband’s house. Divorce is not tolerated in the family, she’d said, and she wasn’t going to set the precedence.
Her mother went on about how women ought to endure everything in a marriage, keep one eye closed and say very little especially since she’d married a violent man. Leaving the marriage will only bring shame to the family.
This time around he almost beat the baby out of her for the third time before her good neighbor rescued her and took her to the hospital where the cuts and lacerations were stitched up. But she was more concerned about her baby. Could I help protect her so she wouldn’t lose her third pregnancy? Of course, she had ruled out returning to her parents’. She was scared, confused and broken.
How many women suffer from this level of abuse and are silent, because they’ve been taught that marriage is a woman’s pride. Success in other fields is irrelevant if you’ve ‘failed’ in the marriage zone or aren’t married. I am reminded of the diatribe between Whizkid and Linda Ikeji. A lot of women are suffering unimaginable brutality, abuse and even suicidal tendencies because they are expected to abide by societal norms. Oh what a shame!
Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is beautiful thing. In fact, so beautiful when it turns out great, yet very disastrous when it goes wrong. Marriage can further shatter a broken person. Young women ought to aspire to more than marriage. It is a mistake to live only for the day you marry.
Young women should avoid the trap of measuring their worth by marriage, else you are likely to fall into the wrong hands. Men can smell a desperate woman from afar, just as a hunting dog can sniff out meat.
You are responsible for your choice in marriage. The opinions of your friends, parents and pastors can be considered—may even enlighten you—but the final decision rests with you.
You’re probably wondering, what if my parents don’t support my choice? Watch out for my next article for answers to that question.
Please understand that marriage was designed to fulfil purpose. If you haven’t discovered your life’s purpose, then you have no business being married. It’s supposed to be you and your spouse against the world and not against each other. Until you’ve understood yourself, you can’t know who your other half is or should be, even if they were staring you in the face. Seen two individuals who PURPOSE brought together? That is a marriage that is sure to stand the test of time. Can two walk together except they agree?
Mothers can teach girls how to make a man happy, but they should also teach them how to build self-esteem. One good way to build self-worth is by finding your life’s purpose and pursuing your dreams. Women aren’t worthless just because they are not married. Girls ought to be raised better. Some women are so desperate they will go to any length to hook a man, even another woman’s husband.
Marriage is not compulsory. You’re better off not being married than being stuck in a bad marriage like the aforementioned one. Marriage is beautiful if contracted for the right reasons.
Vanessa is a PR consultant, an On Air Personality and a Counselor with 6 years’ experience. For two years, she hosted TheTalk with Vanessa on Dream fm. TheTalk with Vanessa is a program designed to help people suffering from all kinds of addictions, marital and pre-marital issues, all kinds of abuse as well as career choice problems.. She lives in Enugu with her husband and adorable daughter.
Youtube: TheTalk with Vanessa