Shola's Blog

My Name Is Shola, And You Are Not The Woman That I Am

Happy new week everyone! Thank you for showing me so much love on my last post. Please read here if you missed it.

I am loving my own personal space on woman.ng, and today I am writing on two of my life truths.

Here they are!

shola-post

Our Life Journeys Are Different, We Will Not All Walk The Same Path

For the most part of my teenage and early twenties, I was a very conservative Christian, who was made to believe in the ideal life a woman must live, and if a woman’s life does not follow that pattern it means ‘her own has finished!’

Women who didn’t get married ‘on time’, women who got pregnant before marriage,  women who left their husbands, women who are outspoken and dared to challenge the norms,  women who married but have no children  etc – were looked at like they have defects.

By the time I reached my late twenties, life had happened to me – I watched the ‘ideal’ life I had planned, prayed for and worked hard to achieve since I was a teenager pass me by.

Here  I am on another path that I never even knew existed!

I experienced it firsthand that, life will not always follow the same path for every woman, and I learned to appreciate my life’s journey and to respect other women for theirs’.

Life happens for us in different ways and at different times, and sometimes, it has absolutely nothing to do with how smart or good we are.

Also, because someone’s life has not followed a particular course or your own course does not mean the person is a failure, what if that is actually their own right path to success?

My truth is, there is no ideal woman, and no, I don’t believe the Proverbs 31 woman is the standard of success every woman must attain to, but that is an article for another day.

 

All Women Don’t Want The Same Things And That Is Perfectly Okay

All women don’t want the same things, shouldn’t want the same things and won’t have the same things.

That is why I don’t like the question “What do women want?”  – We don’t all want the same things!

I have five sisters, and as similar as our childhood experiences were, we all wanted different things in life, because we are six different individuals with different personalities and dreams.

I can tell you what Shola wants, but what I want is not and does not have to be the same as what the woman sitting next to me wants.

Some women want to get married; some women want to be single. Some women want children, some women don’t want children. Some women want to marry men that will be their boss; some women want to marry men that will be an equal. Some women want 50 friends, some women want 5 friends.

Some women want to build empires; some women just want to support someone who wants to build an empire. Some women want to cook every single meal; some women want to hire someone to do them. Some women want sex once a month, some women want sex every day. You get it? You really should!

Our lives  as women can never be a one size fits all.

Someone once tried to make me feel inadequate because I said I don’t like cooking. I know how to cook, but I cook as a matter of survival not because I enjoy it.

Apparently this means I am not a complete woman, because she believes a complete woman must enjoy and love cooking! But because one woman enjoys it doesn’t mean every other woman must – we are different.

By whose standard do we measure if a woman is complete or not? What on earth does that even mean?

I am daily learning to respect other women’s choices and not use my own choices and preferences to judge them. I don’t expect others to do things because it is the womanly thing to do. I respect them for doing what they believe is right for them as an individual.

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My name is Shola Okubote, I am the Publisher/Editor of Woman.ng.

You can reach me on shola@woman.ng and read my past articles here.

 

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14 Comments

14 Comments

  1. Ronkepat@yahoo.com'

    Ronke adewole

    June 13, 2016 at 8:24 am

    Lovely one babe.You nailed it and I think every single woman should see things the way you see it and stop judging and feeling superior. I have missed you. We really need to catch up. Ronke

    • shola@woman.ng'

      Shola Okubote

      November 13, 2016 at 9:40 pm

      Thanks Ronke, oh yes, we need to catch up!

  2. tessadoghor@gmail.com'

    Tessa Doghor

    June 13, 2016 at 10:17 am

    I intend to marry the man who understands that I have dreams and visions to acconplish, who also has his own dreams and vision but is willing to support me as I support him also.

    A man who also understands that God has a mandate for me to fulfil also and believes thr mandate and believes me also.

    Time let’s you know what you want, really!

    • shola@woman.ng'

      Shola Okubote

      November 13, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      Hello Tessa, thanks for your comment. Yes I agree, it is important to know whatyou really want and expect in marriage.

  3. bimpeodebunmi@yahoo.com'

    Bimpe

    June 13, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    You have said it all… Respecting each others choices and understanding that we all are different is the only way forward. Beautiful piece

    • shola@woman.ng'

      Shola Okubote

      November 13, 2016 at 9:51 pm

      Thank you Bimpe 🙂

  4. aloted@yahoo.com'

    aloted

    June 13, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    Long time Shola! how are you!

    I enjoyed reading this..I feel you on everything particularly the cooking! Some women will tell u because you don’t like to cook or clean you are lazy… um no i would rather outsource those things so i can force on what I actually enjoy doing 🙂

    We all have different paths and should embrace this difference. Thanks for the reminder!

    • shola@woman.ng'

      Shola Okubote

      November 13, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      Hello Aloted, yes long time! It is good to read from you, I am glad you enjoyed reading this.

  5. ibidunesan@yahoo.com'

    Bukola

    June 13, 2016 at 7:13 pm

    I feel you just read my mind,every should know what she wants and never berate the other lady for her choice, and when will the church ever accept the fact that God loves us all, wayward rahab,widowed ruth, demon possessed mary magadelene, and holy Mary. stay brave.

    • shola@woman.ng'

      Shola Okubote

      November 13, 2016 at 9:46 pm

      Thanks for your comment Bukola. So true, there is so much in the Bible to constantly remind us that God loves us all!

  6. Pingback: My Very Simple Guide To Gender Equality And Feminism As A Nigerian Woman – Woman.NG

  7. Pingback: My Very Simple Guide To Gender Equality And Feminism As A Nigerian Woman | AboveWhispers

  8. lilnaydagurl@yahoo.com'

    Nana A

    October 13, 2016 at 8:04 pm

    Great read. we need more women like you!

    • shola@woman.ng'

      Shola Okubote

      November 13, 2016 at 9:52 pm

      Thank you Nana 🙂

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