As a single mum looking for love and marriage, look out for a man who understands that…
Loving you means learning to love your children.
They are part of you and part of your life. Yes, it’s more complicated than marrying a childless person who is free to spend all her time and affection on someone else. But it’s also more rewarding. Marrying a woman with children makes an instant family. Marrying a woman with children provides the chance to relive the positive experiences of growing up or to heal old hurts by making a better childhood for someone else’s kids. A man who embraces your children as an opportunity to have even more love in his life is someone to take seriously.
Loving you means understanding that the kids take priority while you transition
You fell in love with your partner. The kids didn’t. They will be ambivalent, no matter how wonderful you think your guy is. They are likely to have strong feelings about not having all your attention and time. They may resist adjusting to changes that come with marriage. It falls on the adults to be adults and to put kids’ needs first for awhile. They will need help making the countless big and little changes that come with accommodating another person in their home and their lives.
Loving you means getting involved with the whole family
To make a family with you is to get it that their grandparents, aunts, and uncles and cousins and whoever else is related by birth or by choice will be part of life as well. Kids need to be connected to their extended family as long as that family is reasonably sane. Your partner also needs to make it clear to his extended family that he now has children and they therefore now have more kids to love.
Loving you means doing hands-on parenting
Working through differences and decisions about how both of you will encourage and discipline the kids is an important part of your courtship. For kids to grow, they need parents who are on the same page at least most of the time. They need the safety of structure and limits, the approval that is the building block of self-esteem, and the clarity of consequences that helps them learn to be responsible. A man who will spend lots of time talking through how to parent as well as whether to parent is a good bet.
Single Naija Mum is a platform that focuses on Single Parenting Issues as it relates to Nigeria and the World at large.
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