Outspoken

Five Ways Women Are Coping With Their Marriage Crisis

   

marriage

It’s alarming to know that there are many women are enduring troubled marriages. Most of us are hiding behind lots of expensive clothes, jewelry and make-up. Those around think all is well but we know the truth, our fragile hearts have been hurt and there’s so much pain behind those smiles. How did we get to this point where we’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work?

Could it be that our troubled marriages is a result of the mistakes we made in the choice of a spouse, we followed our hearts not our heads and now we regret we overlooked some red flags while we pay a huge price for that? We had hoped our spouses will change or this lingering issue wouldn’t be as overwhelming, now we regret we ever walked down the aisle.

Even though filing for a divorce isn’t an option, we still think about it every day and regret staying on. There’s so much advice out there about what to do when you feel stuck but are they really words of wisdom? When you are ill, you don’t manage and cope with the symptoms, you run to the doctor for help. It’s the same with your marriage, if things aren’t working out well, get help before it’s late. So ladies in troubled marriages are :

Numb Chasing A Career

With many ladies exceeding the opportunities in their chosen fields and no one sitting around waiting for a guy to pay their bills, many women have found comfort at work. You get married and your hopes are dashed barely months of the wedding celebration. What’s the point crying over spilt milk, if it’s not working, get something else to distract you so you throw yourself into work and get busier than you thought you would? It’s tougher for ladies who resigned from their jobs to relocate and sit in someone’s house as a trophy wife, almost impossible to deal with the issues, bored and doing nothing else. Many women at least have ten to twelve hours of no face-to-face contact with their spouse so that’s something to look forward to pending when things ease up. One day you’ll resign or retire and you’ll still have to deal with an issue that’s been buried under the carpet for so long.

Busy Online Looking For Love

Gone are the days when many ladies would spend all night at a cafe browsing for a new date or busy in chat rooms. No thanks to the advance in technology with the smart phones and Internet connection, it’s just a click away and research shows there are tons of people busy each day looking for love. They may not want all the commitment that a marriage entails but at least an escape with a virtual person. So they aren’t caught, many have an extra phone unknown to their spouse where they can catch up all the details of their hidden lives. Even though you enjoy the false hope online love gives temporarily, it’s inadequate to fix the deep longings of our vulnerable hearts. If you continue to halt between a troubled marriage and virtual love, it won’t be long before you’re exhausted expending energy both ways and still getting nowhere.

Bitter, Angry & Depressed

There’s has been a steady increase in cases of hypertension and psychological disorders among younger women as a result of marital conflicts and challenges. It used to be common with women who were either retired, widowed or divorced but now the challenges of troubled marriages are hitting home earlier than expected. Some ladies are vocal and have had outbursts of anger and continue to regret those. Those who choose to be quiet and let no one in on what’s going on are struggling with bouts of depression and wonder how they walked into this mess in the first place. Don’t isolate yourself, talk to someone, you can connect with and get support.

Praying & Fasting

No doubt we are a very religious country, even when the ground under us is caving in, getting help is our last resort as we spend time praying and fasting. When your rent or kids’ school fees are due, you pray and fast that the landlord and head of school will consider your pleas. Praying and fasting has turned dire situations around but if your marriage is troubled, in addition to praying, get help from a professional counsellor or therapist who can help you manage your emotions while considering alternatives that might work. Don’t spend so much time at night vigils or prayer meetings while your home is falling apart. Search for a professional counsellor you can see if you don’t want to talk to someone close home.

Pretending Like All is Well When It Isn’t

When you ask a friend how she’s doing, she’ll be quick to respond ‘Great’ or ‘Can’t be better’. After all her lacy jumpsuits, wedge peep toes and make-up are obvious that’s she’s doing well but they mask the tell-tale signs of a troubled marriage. Some ladies cope better when they don’t talk about their problems. They’ve tried all they could to resolve the lingering issues and don’t want to waste any more time or energy on it. Even though they are no longer on speaking terms with their spouse or sleep in separate rooms, they get on with their lives as if everything is ok. Even though they wear matching outfits to church and sing at the top of their voices, their hearts are no longer knit since they’ve drifted so far apart from each other.

You might be in a great relationship and think all these doesn’t apply to you, never forget troubled marriages were once great but when they stopped doing what they used to, they started taking each other for granted or stopped forgiving, then their relationship started going south. Like trending your annual blood tests to check for anomalies, It’ll be great to have a chat witha counsellor regularly even if you’re in a great relationship.

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One of our favourite quotes at Woman.NG is a line from Emeli Sande’s Read All About It; “If you’ve got the heart of a lion, why let your voice be tamed?” This has inspired us to publish Nigerian women’s take on about everything. From conceiving a child to burying an old loved one and every life experience in between them - Nigerian women’s stories, opinions, issues, debates, advice, news etc. Read More >>

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