Personal Stories

“I Thought The Mrs Title Was Going To Save My Ass And Bring Me Some Sort Of Redemption. I Was Wrong” – Ese Walters

   

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Many is never as easy as it seems, it takes a lot of self love, self discovery and self acceptance to be able to succcessful live and love someone else for the rest of your life.

In this very inspiring post, Ese Walter who blogs as Femina Speaks shares her journey into discovering herself and how that has shaped her marriage.

SEE ALSO: 11 Naija Wives Tell Us The Challenges They Never Expected In Marriage

Read below:

When I agreed to marry him two and a half years ago, I didn’t love him. Heck I didn’t love my own self. I just needed a change of story. I needed to stop being the girl everyone called an evil mistress and “graduate” to somebody’s Mrs. I thought the Mrs title was going to save my ass and bring me some sort of redemption. I was wrong.

Calling what happened next a disaster is putting it mildly. Weeks into living together brought out the worse in both of us. I thought I made a mistake. I didn’t trust him so why was I married to him. We would argue over everything and I convinced myself I wanted out despite the baby on the way. In therapy I was able to face my own demons for the first time. I realised it was never about him or the other guys I dated. I was always looking for a fix outside of myself. I was always needing someone to take away the pain and save my lonely self. I was looking for what I wasn’t because I thought that could heal me.

Months of living outside my comfort zone and going where the pain was brought me face to face with my demons that saved me. I didn’t trust him because I didn’t trust me. I couldn’t love him because I had no love to give. I was always blaming him because it was easier to project than take responsibility. As I started to evolve and see my own self, I was able to see him for the first time. As I started loving myself, I was able to love him and now as I learn to trust myself, I am trusting him, one day at a time. As I lay beside him last night I remembered a quote I read some time ago. I don’t remember who said it but it read, “when you love the one you got, the one you got becomes the one you love.” When I stopped trying to change him and let him be, I was able to give room for his own evolving. He ain’t perfect. Who wants perfect anyway? I am learning that all is as it should be in the Universe, there are no mistakes only feedback. The Universe brought the one I needed for my evolving and I am thankful. GRATITUDE is my dominant feeling this morning. If you are struggling with the one you love, know that the world’s standard of love is f*cked up. Vibrate higher and love because of love.

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