By Buki Alamu
I heard someone say conflict is needed in any relationship in exchange for a better one. Even if that is true, it doesn’t make the idea of conflict appeal to me any more than it did. Although only few couples like to admit it, conflict is common to all marriages. We have had our share of conflict and some of our disagreements have not been pretty.
Since every marriage has its moment of tension, I suppose bringing to limelight how to deal with these tensions is inevitable. Conflict can lead to a process that develops oneness or destruction. You and your spouse must choose how you will act when conflict occurs to derive the oneness you want in your home.
1. Resolving a conflict requires an open avenue for communicating your differences and disagreements with your spouse – be objective, not emotional
2. Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences. We don’t all come from the same background; have the same ideals and opinions so leave room for some adjusting.
3. Resolving conflict requires defeating selfishness. No one, by default, wants to put anyone else before themselves. By defeating selfishness, it doesn’t entirely mean you are forfeiting your desires for your spouse but you need to let go of the opinion that it is all about you.
4. Resolving conflict requires pursuing the other person. If the ultimate in your marriage is the peace and happiness of your home, then you should know it’s neither about you nor your partner. It’s God and God is love. If you let love reign in your marriage, then pursuing the well-being of the other person becomes your priority.
5. Resolving conflict requires loving confrontation. Now, as crazy and difficult as this may seem, it does have its benefit if you have checked and cleared the following that your emotions are not getting the better of you.
6. Resolving conflict requires accepting and forgiveness. The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual’s relationship with God.
Yoruba people say (translated) – the good things deserve prayers; the things that are also lacking deserve prayers. As stated in the opening paragraph, every marriage has its moment of tension and if this is not managed and addressed properly, delicately, it can lead to isolation and the destruction of your hard work.
Know that it is not by your efforts alone though, because by yourself, you can do nothing. The institute of marriage has become the most attacked by the enemy. Your spouse is not your enemy. Put in your efforts to fighting the enemy out of your marriage. Let the wise Word God of guide you.
Note, choose your battles. Not every mole is worth making a mountain of.
Forget every issue, forgive every hurt and love like you’ve never loved before.😉
Writing is Buki’s passion. By writing, she hopes to create awareness, bring inspiration and encouragement and change the world, making it a better place from everyone.
Blog: It’s All Buki