Marriage

Shall We Talk About Funmi Iyanda And Other Nigerian Women Who Don’t Find Marriage Appealing?

via instagram.com/funmiiyanda

It is sad that many Nigerians still see marriage as the end-all be-all of life for women, and no matter what a woman has achieved she is not seen as complete until she gets married.

It doesn’t matter whether she is happy in her marriage or not, it doesn’t matter if the man is a monster, they choose the marital status of a woman above everything else she has done or been.

SEE ALSO: The Song Funmi Iyanda Sang On Her 45th Birthday Reminds Me Of The Kind Of Woman I Want To Be

Not all women want to get married, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with their choice. They have everything they need to be happy and whole in themselves. Because marriage is your priority doesn’t mean it has to be everybody’s priority. Life is not a one size fit all!

Two days ago, media personality, Funmi Iyanda was heavily criticised when she revealed on twitter that she never wants to be married.

She said, “I have never wanted to be married. I like it for others who like it for themselves but as for me ms Funmi Iyanda, no, thank you.”

Some people who saw that as disrespect to nature began to question her and criticise her.

“She is a lesbian on the low.” “Give your life to Jesus.” “You need to have kids of your own, no time.” “Who is your service engineer? that place is gonna rot,” were some of the responses the media icon got.

In an article on her medium page, Funmi Iyanda has shared the childhood experiences that make her have a feeling of being trapped about marriage.

Here is her piece titled  The Marriage Diary

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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57 Comments

57 Comments

  1. Doris Osinachi Oladapo-amadu

    Doris Osinachi Oladapo-amadu

    January 21, 2017 at 7:59 pm

    If any one has any reason at all not to get married, should be left alone! Haba! What is gud about this marriage this days?

  2. Okikiola Omorounsekeji

    Okikiola Omorounsekeji

    January 21, 2017 at 8:20 pm

    wu marriage help sef

  3. Uwaoma Sonma

    Uwaoma Sonma

    January 21, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    Fumi should also forget about babies and families. That nobody found u worthy does’t. Mean u should advertise ur stupidity, keep it to urself. Is ur life , don’t bother us with it

    • Uche Nnaji

      Uche Nnaji

      January 21, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      Why do u call it stupidity. Tell me in d bible where it was mentioned that marriage is the prority of a woman. Or that it is a garrantee to heaven Save yourself the shame abeg.

    • Uwaoma Sonma

      Uwaoma Sonma

      January 21, 2017 at 8:59 pm

      loser , must u quote bible to butress ur point, if u don wana marry keep to ur self , is like u belong to the old c ladies

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      Uche Nnaji, a sisterly advice; choose your opponents wisely. THIS is certainly not worth it.

      By the way, you made a good point. Cheers dear. 🙂

    • Mai Ava

      Mai Ava

      January 21, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      If u think marriage is a privilege and that a man choosing you makes u worthy, then u have a very low self esteem. Every woman has a God given destiny. A man doesn’t determine our worth. God’s purpose does.

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      Mai Ava, spot on. Thank you.

    • Uwaoma Sonma

      Uwaoma Sonma

      January 21, 2017 at 9:12 pm

      and men does t have God given destiny?, na waa for baby feminists, always think first and only of their gender,

    • Mimi Michaels

      Mimi Michaels

      January 21, 2017 at 9:52 pm

      Its her choice, she shouldnt be called stupid for it.. A lot of women are in marriages, wishing they can get out of it. Marriage is not a priority for her. Her choice

    • Gloria Cyprian

      Gloria Cyprian

      January 21, 2017 at 10:19 pm

      I think you ain’t understanding their point of view cos u’re taking it to another angle @ uwaoma sonma, marriage ain’t an achievement, dear. Don’t be irrational

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 10:23 pm

      Which one be baby feminist again?! See talk biko? A woman says she wants to be single, she is termed a feminist. But a man makes same decision…and he’s called….what exactly?
      Gloria Cyprian, the problem is this; Uwaoma is echoing what others who are in the same box echo all the time. Such people refuse to see things differently.

    • Roselyn Godwin

      Roselyn Godwin

      January 21, 2017 at 10:53 pm

      There is a special place in hell for women who tear other women down for the fun of it. Uwaoma Sonma if you think you are nothing without a man then by all means tie a chain around yourself and hook it to a man but please don’t insult ppl

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 10:56 pm

      Uwaoma na guy o. Lol!

    • Austillo Ese

      Austillo Ese

      January 21, 2017 at 11:57 pm

      The earlier people accept the fact that marriage is a personal choice, d better. Ladies who comment here are not against marriage, pls dont get it wrong, but all we are saying is that, if a lady attains d age of marriage n decides not to marry, it doesn’t makes her inferior or left out in d society but her CHOICE….. she chooses to be. Today we live in a society where everyone just wanna do what d next neighbour does while we forget we aren’t born with same destiny. Perhaps, Iyanda hasnt found d kind of man she desires. All d same na wetin she want, her happiness is paramount biko.

    • Adeola Adekanbi

      Adeola Adekanbi

      January 22, 2017 at 12:47 am

      Mai ava I feel you sis.Some ppl need to get some standard before getting a man cos some intelligent men notice this first and value it.choices are personal sure no need to be hateful.Mai ava thanks for posting positive vibes that’s all we need on this planet not some negative vibes.

  4. Joseph Desmond Idowu

    Joseph Desmond Idowu

    January 21, 2017 at 8:38 pm

    Who cares small body or ur tiny skinny body dey decisive u….. Bae u done enter menopause…… Shift make better breeze touch me

    • Uche Nnaji

      Uche Nnaji

      January 21, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      U de crazy

    • Joseph Desmond Idowu

      Joseph Desmond Idowu

      January 21, 2017 at 8:57 pm

      Madam Uche Nnaji watin I buy for ur market ? Y d insult now?
      Leave my comment o….. I nor reach ur doormot

    • Austillo Ese

      Austillo Ese

      January 21, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      ok, na pikin go make her enter heaven? Think before you write

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 9:10 pm

      Joseph Desmond Idowu, your point, pointless…my opinion. She is happy. And, don’t forget she has been married before. So, she is in no way stupid for making that choice.
      But, why the hate, I am still asking? You don’t have to be bitter about her choice, do you?

    • Joseph Desmond Idowu

      Joseph Desmond Idowu

      January 21, 2017 at 9:18 pm

      All u both Austillo Ese and u Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia miss understood me……
      One its her choice ….. Did any of u read her comment very well?
      I never hate her bet she’s this type that is too egocentric…..
      Most of u have not mate her one on one before…..
      I don’t know personal bet I have once seen her in a plaza in Lagos…
      And the attitude she put off that day was bad, I was like I pity the man who that married her.
      I am not bittered about madam, never will I skip a meal over her choice or issues…. Its her personal cross all man for himself God for all….. So any thing else to say ?

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 10:31 pm

      Yes, I do have something to say. Have you never displayed any negative character before? Have you never been rude to anyone before? That you met her (not even a one-on-one meeting by the way) at a plaza, and she was in a bad mood, means she’s a bad person?! Really!!! What a way to judge. I’m out abeg.

  5. Lynda Ike

    Lynda Ike

    January 21, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Marriage or no marriage what’s important is where we re goin after death.. Husband wont take u to heaven neither ll wife… Marriage is by choice nt by force if any one decides nt to get married dat does’nt mean she is nt worth to be married…

  6. Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

    Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

    January 21, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    For those insulting her, it is her choice….and her life. Why the hate? She doesn’t have to conform to your ways.

    These days, it’s the same ones who insult people for choosing the single life that enter into marriage and make a complete mess of it….and, funny enough, they remain in it shamefully, so the world doesn’t laugh at them. Get real abeg. Let the woman be, and respect her choice. Finito!!!

    • Austillo Ese

      Austillo Ese

      January 21, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      you spoke well. That you are married doesn’t mean you are happy. Some ladies don’t mind going into an abusive marriage cos they want to be labelled “married”, she has her reason for been single and its her life. ppl must talk.

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      Austillo Ese, that is the thing. What do they really know about marriage? Nada!!! It’s sad though.

    • Fatumata Joia Seide

      Fatumata Joia Seide

      January 22, 2017 at 1:44 pm

      Nada mesmo lol

  7. KaramaJamila Sani Yaro

    KaramaJamila Sani Yaro

    January 21, 2017 at 9:43 pm

    If she ll stay away from adultery its her choice…..but y naa??? Dont u want kids hmm kids r a blessin

  8. Ibrahim Ometere

    Ibrahim Ometere

    January 21, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    The honest truth is that, most woman desired a life partner to love, care, adore, protect, cherish and every other good things desired in a relationships. But if that failed it only moved you to a stage of independent! Becoming a man in your woman body. Though nothing is impossible only time can tell… All the best Miss Funmi I used to enjoy every bit of your show and you really inspired lot us. God bless you with your greatest desires.

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 10:26 pm

      THIS!!!!! You just nailed it.

    • Ibrahim Ometere

      Ibrahim Ometere

      January 21, 2017 at 10:28 pm

      @ Ijeoma, Thanks sweetie

    • Roselyn Godwin

      Roselyn Godwin

      January 21, 2017 at 10:48 pm

      I find “become a man in a woman’s body insulting “. Independence isn’t a man-only trait you know.

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 21, 2017 at 11:19 pm

      I don’t see it that way, Roselyn Godwin. Speaking from experience, a woman’s greatest desire is to love and be loved. She yearns for man who would make her feel special. When she has been treated harshly by those she trusted to love and cherish her, when she has been denied that which she yearned for, she becomes somewhat hardened. She hurts, she hates….but, afterwards, she begins to heal. In the process of healing, one decision she….most women make….is to focus on herself. She begins to give herself what she had always looked for out there. That’s how I see Ibrahim Ometere’s comment. Except she has a different opinion.

    • Roselyn Godwin

      Roselyn Godwin

      January 22, 2017 at 12:05 am

      Thanks for your insight Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia, it doesn’t explain the phrase though. I still find it insulting

    • Omada

      Omada 'Abahi' Okpe

      January 22, 2017 at 12:11 am

      You’re assuming that a woman can only be loved when she’s married.
      You don’t have to be married to have love and companionship, afterall there are tons of married people who are unloved and lonely.

    • Adeola Adekanbi

      Adeola Adekanbi

      January 22, 2017 at 12:30 am

      Very insulting. Some women should stop speaking for other women cos we don’t all want thesame thing like this comment about loving d good things of life at the mercy of man!seriously? Common!some ladies need to step up and have some personal values.. Like a wise dude once told me he cringes at the way some women lacks values ,he said he would never marry one yea!he was right for saying that what he mearnt was your personal values not marital values.we want our lives individually. When you have education and skills it part of who you are when you need a spouse it’s means support but when you lack social support and spiritual you have nothing to fall back on you are only on life support or manmade oxygen lol..but this is true.Being a woman shouldnt be mind cripplingly or physically crippling cos you have a man doesn’t mean you don’t have other personal ambition. Gosh!sometimes when you listen to the way some women talk or reason education is wasted on them just like youth is wasted on some ppl.no man or woman is completely independent. We are interdependent beings.What is the meaning of a woman in a mans body,that’s sounds really backward.ppl have heartbreaks all the time but should that be a motivation to get a job , or loveoneslf?the joke is on the man’s body poster.ppl fall ,ppl try again,some don’t even try considering the cost and sacrifice ppl hold on to their personal values or religious values but in the end you don’t let your problems define you.You keep living!(man’s body)can’t stop laughing at this statement… everyone has his or her own ability. The joke is on the ones who completely rely on their partners.Sometimes it feels like God is saying Get a life plz already gave you one in your body!

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 22, 2017 at 12:46 am

      Omada ‘Abahi’ Okpe, that’s usually the case at the beginning, until we begin to realise otherwise.

    • Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      Ijeoma Vivian Aguonyia

      January 22, 2017 at 9:30 am

      My goodness!!! Adeola Adekanbi, I wish you’d calm down and understand my comment. I’m trying to say here that most women go through that particular phase before they realise that they can stand up for themselves, instead of depending on a man. I am such a woman, but thank God I know better. Do you know how many women out there need THIS enlightenment? Many! But we don’t have to force them to learn. From experience, I have come to realise that it’s not easy unlearning what has been learnt overtime.
      I appreciate your point, but, do calm down. Thanks. 🙂

    • Ibrahim Ometere

      Ibrahim Ometere

      January 22, 2017 at 9:39 am

      @ Rose sis, is not compulsory for others to agreed with your comments but your opinion counts dear. Don’t over stretch the explanation say it and allow them with their opinion. Enjoy your weekend.

    • Adeola Adekanbi

      Adeola Adekanbi

      January 22, 2017 at 1:28 pm

      @ ljeoma Vivian. I feel you sis and don’t get me wrong.I just don’t like ppl messing with other ppl’s identity.. If a poster says a woman in a man’s body when a lady works tooth and nails to not only get her self more than a piece of undwear but also to take care of ppl around her and her family, spouse,children, environment, even her place of worship. Please she deserves more credit than that derogatory word called a mans body.Its her own credit and body and mostly our creators both heavenly and earthly.. how is it even naturally possible to wear or own another’s body.When you tell some ladies to get some self esteem they start negotiating with their bellies.l love positive vibe on media so when my girls or your girls stumble across some healthy comments they get a healthy sense of self about being a lady or woman. Adding value to one another is the key.Do our post help ppl?do we strengthen them?it should be more than just an opinion.

      Its not about forcing ppl to learn its about values and standards that will better us with our boys and girls.Its about helping that next generation that differences are not threats and similarities are not abnormal. It’s about respecting who we are.If someone has no ambition in life he or she shouldn’t exist cos I don’t know how that person will help themselves or help others.Investing in one self is self discovery its starts from the toddlers to nursery, parents and other helpful ppl in the society work so hard for this so we don’t have to go through thesame..and when you see uneducated ppl striving and working hard as well we better give them the credit but when you see a person or a woman selling her identity cos she found a man who built his own I discredit such ppl lowering their worth and I don’t want any one close to me catch their bad vibes.Values are Values.

      Some women are done with men like someone done with cutting up themselves while some are willing to get back on the horse by giving it another try.

      Its not my place to decide who they are or their identity with relationships.But when it comes to personal identities just cos someone identify themselves with a gender doesn’t mean they can mess with it or define it.Sure I read your post but the funny tale is I was addressing the negative point of the lady calling independence as awkward.Some ppl should stop crawling when they have two upright feet.We can’t associate everything with a partner like one is not an entity or a living being, living starts with you, and the sad truth is life is not always about savouring the good things ,its about sharing,loving respecting boundaries both personal and general.

  9. Juliet Xsien

    Juliet Xsien

    January 21, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    True talk my sis. Stop insulting her,marriage is not a ticket to heaven. Go listen to Myles Munroe’s message ” the myth of singleness “.

  10. Folashade M Alabi

    Folashade M Alabi

    January 21, 2017 at 11:55 pm

    What I know is, what some of us refer to as marriage is simply living arrangement. Husband is cheating, wife is aware her husband is cheating, the whole Street is aware daddy is a generous giver to both old and young. Mummy too, mummy wife is into prayers and some monkey business by the side.

    Not the definition of marriage.

  11. Ify Besty Obimalume

    Ify Besty Obimalume

    January 22, 2017 at 12:02 am

    Is thr life and thr choice

  12. Juliet Obi Oputa

    Juliet Obi Oputa

    January 22, 2017 at 12:59 am

    #BecauseMarriageIsYourPriorityDoesntHaveToBeMine….. 100&10% with you. 🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋

  13. Kigho Kesiena Lisa

    Kigho Kesiena Lisa

    January 22, 2017 at 1:14 am

    I remember I once told my mom I didn’t wanna get married; she almost kill me that day with shout, “she was like God forbid , I reject it for u lol😂😂😂 but they fail to understand that marriage is not for everyone; marriages shouldn’t validate a woman existence

  14. Gideon Chigozie Eze

    Gideon Chigozie Eze

    January 22, 2017 at 9:39 am

    I see

  15. Matilda Uzoma Ozukwe

    Matilda Uzoma Ozukwe

    January 22, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    Dere is no where its written in d Bible, dat a except a man is married he wil not enter d kingdom of God, abeg make una free am, its her life

  16. Hadiza Afegbua

    Hadiza Afegbua

    January 22, 2017 at 2:25 pm

    EVERY WOMAN NEEDS A MAN NO PRETENCE ABOUT IT BUT IF IT DOESN’T WORK OUT NO KILLING YOURSELF REALLY. AS FOR FUNMI PRAY ASK WHAT DID SHE NOT DO TO ADD A MRS ODEGBAMI TO HER NAME.
    NO CRUCIFYING ANYONE JUST BE GODLY N PRAY U GET A GOOD GUY. NO ONE CHOSES TO REMAIN SINGLE NO WOMAN.

  17. Pingback: “Whether You Are Wearing A Wedding Band Or Not Should Not Signify Your Happiness Or Sadness In A Marriage” – Ariyike Akinbobola – Woman.NG

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