Personal Stories

The Struggles And Resolutions Of A Single Naija Woman


“Sola, Ope don do introduction o. In fact, na on your birthday she do am, make God come do your own o.” Iya Micheal, my neighbor said, waking me up from sleep.

In that moment, I looked back and thought of all the plans I had made about getting married and how they had ended up.

“I must be married by 25, so that I can be done with childbirth by 30.” I usually tell myself but looking at my present situation, I realized, sometimes, things don’t always go as planned.

SEE ALSO: 3 Brutal Truths I Took Away From Atilola Moronfolu’s Note About Being Single

I clocked 25 on the 2nd of January with no boyfriend, not even a toaster. In fact, I spent the day at home, and by night, I fell sick and couldn’t stand up the next morning but there was work to do.

I was on the bed trying to catch some sleep when Iya Micheal came in to remind me of that, which I had promised myself not to take thought of.

2016 was kinda rough as the relationships I found myself in either ended because the guy was not serious or because he was cheating and the other because he just didn’t want to break my heart, thereby breaking it.

In fact, the last one was so bad that I cried to my pastor in church, telling him how Bambo had broken up with me. How he deleted me on BBM 11 hours after he broke up with me.

“Hello, who is this?”

I didn’t believe I heard very well when Bambo answered the phone, just four days after he broke up with me!

At that point, I gave up efforts on trying to make us work. I decided to let go but I just moved on last month.

I thought I was done with that when some issues from the past came up that made me realize that my ex-boyfriend, Dimeji had lied to me on the reason he gave for breaking up with me.

After the many promises we had made to ourselves. After the many plans we had made. O mase o.

In all of this, I realized I had abandoned myself to attend to my partners who ended up leaving me. I realized whatever I did was just for them.

Meanwhile, some people in the name of advising me would say, “Sola, this talktalk that you do, you should reduce it. Be submissive. Be this, be that.”

And when I practice all the advise given, the men still go. So whose problem is it?

So, this year, I re-prioritised; I’m just going to focus on my spiritual life and my career.

However, if a good guy comes along, I’ll give it a try and if not, I won’t worry because everything happens at the right time.

Interestingly, these experiences made me realise that there is this  expectation from single women that make them want to get married even when they know they are not with the right person.

Also, the society, in a way, attributes the reason for the failure of a relationship to the woman, as such, she does everything to make the man see that she is a wife material and this includes a girlfriend doing wife duties.

Until the “too much” importance placed on marriage is taken away, many young women will rush into unhappy marriages just because they want to please the society.

I am not saying marriage is bad, but if it is not coming at the time you envisaged, don’t kill yourself over it. Focus on other things and at the time you are not even expecting it, it may happen.
Dear single woman, don’t be carried away by your many friends who are married or engaged to be married. Sincerely, it is not the easiest thing to do but it’s worth it.

From all the heartaches, I have encountered, I don’t believe there’s something wrong with me and it will not make me close my heart to love, however, it’s time to work on other areas of my life.

The struggle is real, the pressure is intense, yet, I will not give in.



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