The Internet and social media is awash with a plethora of brides and their excitement of getting married. It’s interesting to observe that this thrill is reflected more by the bride and her bridesmaids than the groom. The flawless make-up, the expensive diamond ring, the ostentatious wedding celebrations, it’s obvious that brides will stop at nothing to have their dream fairy-tale wedding.
Even as parents, when our kids share the good news that they have been found by love, we spare no time as we begin the planning by asking so many irrelevant questions: Where’s the venue, what are your colours, where will you spend your honeymoon or who would bake the cake? In the grand scheme of things, these valid wedding planning questions will hold no water when the storms of life begin.
No sooner are the celebrations over and the rude shock of reality sets in, we soon realise a bit late that marriage isn’t an achievement after all. As the single folks long to be married while those who have signed on the dotted lines wish they could turn back the hands of the clock. The painful task of forging ahead with a spouse who doesn’t share your values or who cares less about the marriage is enough to keep you awake all night.
In the euphoria of planning for a wedding, we overlook the tell-tale signs or red flags of an unfaithful, violent and spendthrift spouse hoping we would change them.
If you can’t change a leopard’s skin, you can’t change anyone. Then you realise that you are stuck in a marriage with no escape route. After so many posts on Facebook and Instagram about the wedding celebration, then comes the deafening silence online of no more posts as you are in shock at what you is now your new normal.
We don’t share the bad news while we wallow in pain and depression wondering how we got into these mess, neither the expensive diamond ring nor the glittering wedding gown can’t meet our deepest need on a cold and lonely night. How did we miss it, why did we ignore the red flags, why were we in such a race against time to tie the knot? As long as we continue to compete and compare ourselves with others, we would end up in more trouble.
Are you in a position to advise any young couple intending to get married, are you a parent, pastor or just a friend, please tell them nothing but the whole truth. Marriage isn’t an achievement, it’s a huge responsibility. With many women unable to afford a divorce or ashamed to seek professional help, there is an increase of women struggling with mental health and emotional disorders as a result of a troubled marriage.
It’s better to be single and lonely than married to the wrong person and depressed.