Opinions

Shall We Talk About Women Who Shame Other Women Into Silence About Domestic Abuse?

The day Sola had the privilege to talk to me after he broke up with me, he said I was wicked.

Why? Because I deleted him from all my social media platforms, deleted his numbers and that of his family members.

Luckily for me, I am not and have never been the social media lover. In fact, I hardly post pictures of my friends not to talk of a lover. So, that saved me some sort of further heartache and explanations.

Whenever a relationship ends, the first thing I do is cut off all contacts with the person. I am not wicked. That is just one of the things I do to heal. That is what I do to move on and stop tugging at something that clearly won’t work.

What I do  may not work for some other women, and something that works for them may not work for me too.

When it comes to healing after suffering heartbreaks, betrayal or abuse, we all deal with it in the way that works best for us and leads us to our paths of recovery.

No one has a right to tell us how to deal with it. Why will anybody tell me who to talk to and what to say about all I went through? It is my story and I can do anything I want with it.

Why are we quick to judge people and their stories? Why are we quick to analyse people’s problems and undermine their pain.

When women open up and speak about the abuse they suffered in marriage, many people especially women, criticize them and tell them they are wrong for talking about it openly.

Last year when singer Tiwa Savage opened up about what was going on in her marriage, many people especially women jumped at her and told her she was wrong. So many women wrote about how she should have kept quiet and helped her husband.

“Is she the only woman to have gone through this? Can’t she think about their son?” many said.

Meanwhile, her husband had said so many things against her, even called Tiwa’s mother a witch but not many saw and analysed that.

Media personality, Toke Makinwa wrote a book out of what could have killed her and has killed many women and people still criticized her.

“She said too much. Too many personal things were spilled in that book. Is she the first woman to be cheated on? She should keep quiet joo,” she was told.

Recently, Nollywood actress, Tonto Dikeh revealed the things she had been going through in her marriage including domestic violence and she is being told to keep quiet.

Why?

“The internet never forgives and forget. She should think of her son. Were we there when they started?” she is being told.

Nobody goes into a relationship with the expectation that it will fail in some months or years. It is true that they are giving people or blogger something to talk, gossip or write about but do you wish they die in silence?

These celebrities are humans too. They make mistakes, they cry, and talking helps them ease the pain. In as much as they may be wrong in bringing their relationships to the public and some going as far as lying about their partners, many women fall victim of the same thing. They have learnt their lessons and are speaking against it, what then is wrong with that?

Talking about these things also help women in their situation find strength to walk away from abusive relationships.

Why must women stay in abusive relationships? Why must they endure abuse because of their children?

Why can’t the men be called to order? Many of them don’t think twice before they abuse and cheat on their partners? So, why should women be the ones to keep quiet and die as a ‘heroine,’ that they did not want to be.

There are so many women who wished their mother left their father because of the great abuse they saw their mothers go through. They wished their mothers didn’t have to protect their father and had not stayed because of them.

Listen woman, nobody should stifle your voice or tell you how and what platform you should tell your story. Nobody should tell you how to grieve and heal. Do it at your own time but don’t stay too much down there.

It is true that some celebrity marriages are working but know that there is no one way for marital success. Not many have the strength to endure abuse just because they want to stay married.

Depression is real and it kills. Help a fellow woman instead of judging her. You might be saving a life.

 

 

 

 

 

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One of our favourite quotes at Woman.NG is a line from Emeli Sande’s Read All About It; “If you’ve got the heart of a lion, why let your voice be tamed?” This has inspired us to publish Nigerian women’s take on about everything. From conceiving a child to burying an old loved one and every life experience in between them - Nigerian women’s stories, opinions, issues, debates, advice, news etc. Read More >>

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