Personal Stories

Lota Chukwu On Finding It Hard To Let Her Guard Down And Let People In When She Is Going Through Hard Times



We all react differently when going through a tough time. While some women talk to people around them and seek a shoulder to lean on, some women withdraw from people around them and go deep within themselves to find their own way out. They both have their pros and cons.

In a series of tweet,  Lota Chukwu who is well known for her role as Kiki in Jenifa’s Diary, shares how she used to withdraw from people and liked to be by herself when facing challenges. She says it is not always the best.

She tweeted,

So, I want to talk about talking about stuff you go through.

So today, I got put on blast by my entire family because “your mind is too deep.” What that means is I don’t talk about stuff.

This is a character trait I have had for the longest time. I find it so difficult talking about stuff I am going through.

I can literally be depressed and lock myself up in my house for weeks and talk to nobody and just be on my own and say “I am fine” if asked.

People who know me can tell now when I’m sinking into a hole and when they forcefully try to pry, I lash out.

Recently, I had a dear friend who lost his mother to cancer and I’d been there for him for most of the journey of her health troubles…

so I was one of the first people he called to tell she had died. I called him immediately and we talked but subsequently he stopped…

…taking calls. I tried to reach him through several means (messages, calls, DMs) but he never responded to any of it.

One day, I got really mad at him and I sat down telling myself how he was being super selfish & I’d done my part. I was ready to let him be

And then something occurred to me… THIS IS HOW I MAKE EVERYONE ELSE FEEL!! Every time!! I make everyone around me feel handicapped.

They see me going through the worst shit and I still smile and say “I’m fine”. I instead try to use reverse psychology & flip the questions

It’s not on purpose. I don’t know how to let my guard down. I’ve been through so much so early to know that I’ll always be good.

I might get lost in the moment and forget that, but years of being alone teaches you defense mechanisms that seem like superpowers.

If you have someone who doesn’t like talking about stuff let them be, give them time. Be there around the periphery of their vision.

At their time, they will open up (or maybe not) but just show them they aren’t alone. In actions&not words. Maybe one day they’ll let you in

I hope this thread helps you help a recluse going through shit. To God be the glory.



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  1. Celestine Evelyn Emerald

    Celestine Evelyn Emerald

    April 8, 2017 at 7:08 pm


  2. Janet Kasham Solomon

    Janet Kasham Solomon

    April 9, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    Not too good my dear….i knw of sum1 who always doz diz.He myt not be necessarily upset but will choose to b alone and locked up for days….He died last year and it was discovered afta 3days and he was already getting rotten.Not so good….u should look for oda means of expressing ur depression like doing wat makes u happy d most.



    April 12, 2017 at 9:15 am

    I used to be this way; would shut people out in my pain and lash out if they tried to get close. Thank God I changed. It wasn’t easy but I was determined to and put in every ounce of willpower in me to see that change.

  4. Pingback: “I Do Not Have Kids. Not One, Not Two And Definitely Not Four” – Kiki Dispels Rumours That She Is A Mother Of Four Children – Woman.NG

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