Real Women Real Issues

​Help! I’m Married To A Traditional Man!

   

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It’s been nine months since our lavish wedding in Dubai and I’m yet to recover from the shock that I’m married to a traditional guy. While we were going out for a year, I was clueless the read about his values. I feel stuck, am I the only going through this, how did Ithe red flags and end up here.

Many ladies plan their wedding but I didn’t. He said he did want to stress me and he got the wedding planner, his mom and himself made all the arrangements while I was invisible in the background. I struggled to smile on my wedding day as I felt like a guest at my own wedding. I assumed that because his family is wealthy, they were outsourcing every bit of the wedding so we wouldn’t be stressed but looking back, I was under some demanding and controlling leadership.

It’s been six months of working as a slave in my own home. He doesn’t want a nanny, cook or driver so I’m constantly exhausted at the end of the day with an endless list of house chores that must be done. He doesn’t eat frozen casseroles so I’m cooking from the scratch for our daily meals. I must present all the receipts for shopping, fuel, phone bills etc. He comes back from work and is watching the news or football while I’m running up and down the stairs doing one thing or the other.

SEE ALSO: Five Ways Women Are Coping With Their Marriage Crisis

His dishes are left on the table while I take them to the kitchen, he’s never made a cup of tea, let alone polished his shoes. He leaves his socks and shoes just anywhere and I have to put them away in the rack.I’m really scared about what will happen when the kids are here. Just found out that I’m expecting our first baby but I’m not allowed to share the news with friends or family till a  month to delivery. I miss eating out together at all the restaurants he took me to before we walked down the aisle. We don’t do anything together. I feel more like a nanny than a wife.

Our honeymoon was on a cruise ship, we always almost had our meals on the room service,

I had almost no contact with anyone else, we didn’t take full advantage of the trip as I was always in one of the rooms while he was in the other always on a conference call or following up on one business deal or the other. What sort of honeymoon was that I would have preferred to remain at home.He convinced me not to work after we got married as the stress was too much and that he could provide all I needed. Yes, I have all I need and much more but I miss my friends at work and just having my space, time alone and earning my own cash. Are other ladies enduring this? How did I short-change myself to accept something I’m no longer proud of? Everyone thinks we are a great couple and how fortunate I must be to be married to this wealthy guy but its’ been a nightmare I’m yet to awake from. It would have been better to be single and lonely than married and depressed.

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55 Comments

55 Comments

  1. Mutinta Chuuya

    Mutinta Chuuya

    June 12, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    Didnt you discuss all this in Courtship

  2. Josephin James

    Josephin James

    June 12, 2017 at 2:26 pm

    Lol…..funny u

  3. Clasam Folashade Chioma

    Clasam Folashade Chioma

    June 12, 2017 at 2:30 pm

    Funny though. Did you not saw the signs before you said yes i do?

  4. Bidsy@yahoo.com'

    Bidsy

    June 12, 2017 at 2:39 pm

    What advice do you really need? You seemed to have married this guy for the wealth and comfort you saw and now that your expectations isn’t being met your eyes are opened. You probably thought your days will be spent with legs up. So you can’t even tell a man you call husband that you are stressed up maybe until you break down one day. There’s no miracle anywhere to help you. Be ready to be thrown out when you voice out your complaints. You better reach out to your family now especially since you’re pregnant now. You need a helper to help with chores. Simple. You opened yourself up to be controlled. Left your work to depend on him solely. Better start retracing your steps.

  5. Asogwa Ugonne

    Asogwa Ugonne

    June 12, 2017 at 2:59 pm

    I think think this is the reason why courtship is important.

    • Eniola Ogunsola

      Eniola Ogunsola

      June 12, 2017 at 3:29 pm

      Even long courtship doesn’t grants a happy home MST time. My friend married her friend of 9yrs yet they have issues.

  6. Sunday Victoria

    Sunday Victoria

    June 12, 2017 at 3:03 pm

    So what do you want me to do?

  7. Erenayo Arthur

    Erenayo Arthur

    June 12, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    I feel your pain and all. But seeking help from a general forum as this will not provide the support you need to handle this depressing challenge. U need to see a professional counsellor ASAP. Best wishes in your quest for a solution.

  8. Lilian Ada

    Lilian Ada

    June 12, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    May God help u Ma, u must hav seen d red flag but u were blindfolded by his wealth…… make it a constant prayer point, he will change there is nothing God cannot do

  9. Omolola Princess Adetona

    Omolola Princess Adetona

    June 12, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    That is y is good to court for awhile B4 proper marriage though people change talk to someone u feel he listen tooo and respect.

  10. Chukwuma Okpala

    Chukwuma Okpala

    June 12, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Maid , WOman like u , OK leave the marriage,

  11. Floxy Angel Clement

    Floxy Angel Clement

    June 12, 2017 at 4:05 pm

    forget ooo, courtship or no courtship, human beings can change any time, if even that person u dated for soooooo many years, u will find out that when u marry him, he will start bringing out new new characters

    • Glory Adogho

      Glory Adogho

      June 12, 2017 at 4:33 pm

      True talk my dear… I have seen guys that always used to serve their girlfriends breakfast in bed refuse to enter kitchen once they are married..they will tell u…ahhhh… Then we were dating na… Married man nor dey enter kitchen o…

    • Nathaniel Comfort Uyai

      Nathaniel Comfort Uyai

      June 12, 2017 at 6:59 pm

      True talk because I have seen one. He use to do everything for the lady. Immediately after marriage everything case

    • Patient Damola

      Patient Damola

      June 12, 2017 at 8:35 pm

      True talk

    • Lucy Adimundu

      Lucy Adimundu

      June 14, 2017 at 6:57 pm

      Pretenders,dia lov no reach mind

  12. Julius Samuel

    Julius Samuel

    June 12, 2017 at 5:27 pm

    Stupid talk,you nor know all this before you got married to him

  13. Chinyere Benedeth

    Chinyere Benedeth

    June 12, 2017 at 6:18 pm

    Leave the marriage. Save your life now

  14. Oge Yole Martins

    Oge Yole Martins

    June 12, 2017 at 6:21 pm

    Pls join FIN on fb and you would get help there.

  15. Young Favour Ese

    Young Favour Ese

    June 12, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    Take your hubby back to the original manufacturer. He alone knows how to fix broken things no matter how hard it may be. Am single and not even in any relationship but still believing God for my future partner but then I know how you feel after living with my married sisters for long. Just take the issue to God to help correct your error provided he is not hitting you at home.

    • Favour Oboroghenerukevwe Emese

      Favour Oboroghenerukevwe Emese

      June 13, 2017 at 7:37 am

      God bless u name sake for this advice but he can only go to the manufacturer for fixing if He is the foundation of the marriage.

    • Young Favour Ese

      Young Favour Ese

      June 13, 2017 at 8:23 am

      Yes you are equally right dear sake but now that the deal has been done, our God is merciful God and he shall correct her error if she can still call on him at this tym like this.

    • Francesca Holdbrook-Smith

      Francesca Holdbrook-Smith

      June 13, 2017 at 12:30 pm

      have a talk with his Mum, tell her u need to work, what about ur own business? think up something…a hobby or talent u have and turn it into a business-u can work from home to begin with. if the mother in law talk is a no no, then go with the business idea it will keep u occupied and eventually u will employ some help.

  16. Uchechukwu Cee

    Uchechukwu Cee

    June 12, 2017 at 7:50 pm

    Like you ddnt know all these before getting married …. hmmm the guy must be rich , this one u make things from the scratch , and he comes home from work to watch TV … those kind men are rare species, he should be preserved in the museum o… 😂😂😂 traditional man , make food from the scratch …. he should just move in with queen Elizabeth them .
    Don’t marry a man thinking he would change , am sure you must have seen all these at the initial stage….. he is a rare gem , natural man , hope he has farm too …

  17. Adaku Chibuzor

    Adaku Chibuzor

    June 12, 2017 at 8:45 pm

    So, no plan for work or business
    I hope there is a fat salary
    If not, discuss it.
    If he changed after you got married, change yourself too.

  18. Scholette Anire

    Scholette Anire

    June 12, 2017 at 8:55 pm

    Didn’t you guys court before saying I do? Watch the movie Mr and Mrs,it will give you a clue on what to do. I pray it works.

  19. Faith Aimufua

    Faith Aimufua

    June 12, 2017 at 8:56 pm

    Slavery indeed. Lemme go and sleep. For this age

  20. Idorenyin Williams

    Idorenyin Williams

    June 12, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    My dear put it into prayers, there is nothing Jehovah cannot do, and looking for a nanny when u dont have a child is too early, go and get ur sister to stay with u and help u out with the house work and for driver can u drive yourself. For the cooking make it ur habit to cook what ever he like to eat, so dat u can keep ur marriage, always do all ur house chores so ur house can be clean, so many woman out they are looking for a man to call their own, so be careful. All dat u complain thousands of lady’s are looking for it, what u should be thinking about is hw to give him a child.

  21. Betty Godson

    Betty Godson

    June 12, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    As in herbalist….?

  22. Nkechi Anaba

    Nkechi Anaba

    June 12, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    OK na! Na only him waka come?

  23. Mwanaidi Muhavi

    Mwanaidi Muhavi

    June 13, 2017 at 4:16 am

    Just refuse. Say no. What will he do? Marry someone else? If you are tired you are tired. You can start by refusing to cook meals from scratch

  24. Irfan Haider Haider Irfan

    Irfan Haider Haider Irfan

    June 13, 2017 at 4:54 am

    Hot girl

  25. Morgani Habibat Ejura

    Morgani Habibat Ejura

    June 13, 2017 at 7:33 am

    Hope he as a farm LOL

  26. Duru Edith

    Duru Edith

    June 13, 2017 at 9:54 am

    You should be wise ,domestic work is not meant for woman alone, he should be involved, when you die of stress he marries another woman so think twice and help yourself.

  27. Chi-Okezie Mirabelle Sirri

    Chi-Okezie Mirabelle Sirri

    June 13, 2017 at 1:07 pm

    That’s slavery in its newest form!

  28. Ajiri Okah-Avae

    Ajiri Okah-Avae

    June 13, 2017 at 3:59 pm

    Didn’t you people talk about these things before getting married?

  29. Lucy Adimundu

    Lucy Adimundu

    June 14, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    Ha dis 1 pass me oooam sure he wil ask u to use fire wood to cook c gobe!!

  30. Uleanya Efosa Ene

    Uleanya Efosa Ene

    June 15, 2017 at 6:07 am

    Sister u better sit ur man down and talk to him! After putting it in prayer of course, listen u haven’t seen anything yet, when your baby arrives its a whole new game entirely! Let this man knw u are not his maid! Except you are blinded by his cash, convince him u have to do something, business anything! If he started d marriage like this how will he be years later better? I dont think so!

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