It has been a few weeks since I last shared my thoughts and I have missed getting comments on everything and anything I happen to write about. Let’s catch up with events of the last few days.
So it was my wedding anniversary yesterday. I casually mentioned it in my hubby’s hearing the night before and I saw his usual panicked glance as he realised that he had forgotten an important date again. How is it that women remember key dates and men don’t? Are we asking too much from men or is mine particularly forgetful?
I didn’t have to search far for an answer. It so happened that last weekend a friend of mine sent me an unpublished book on rules that all men wished women knew. Here are some of the more interesting rules:
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask them.
Men don’t like to be put on the spot when we ask them if they think we are fat. Okay, I get that, but surely when a woman asks her man if she is fat, all she wants is a reassuring lie? Don’t men get that? According to the survey conducted in this book, most men don’t really mind fat thighs or cellulite. I guess this means that if you feel you are fat, sort it out with exercise and diet but leave your man out of it.
2. They prefer us without make-up
This is a very interesting one. Some men think they like their women without make-up but some don’t realise that they have actually never seen their women without makeup. Poor men! They don’t know about permanent (tattooed) eyebrows and lip liners, do they? I am going to ask my hubby about this one, though. He always reminds me to put on my make-up before leaving for work. Hmm!!!
3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries should not be tests to see if they can find the perfect present!
Men believe that special days are just days that mark memorable events. They don’t understand why we turn celebrations into days of torture,women hoping with child-like eagerness that this birthday or this anniversary is going to be a ‘special one’.Ladies, get this: He doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar and tell your man exactly what you want, how he can get it and when you want it. Men don’t get hints.
4. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes – what makes you think they’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your outfit?
Don’t stress your man out by trying to get him to help you choose which shoes match your outfit. Men also don’t have a clue when it comes to bags.Purses and clutches are a mystery. You are better off making a video call to a good girl friend who would love the opportunity to spend ages with you to help you decide.
5 When they are watching football, whenever possible, we should say whatever we have to say during adverts.
Don’t even kid yourself. He is not in the living room while he is watching his team play football. By some guy-magic, he has transported himself to the football stadium in Manchester or London or Madrid and he is shouting and yelling with the other fans. You are wastingyour time trying to talk to him at such a crucial time and frankly, irritating the life out of him. If he misses seeing a goal because of your chatter, you may be rewarded with a sulk for days!
6. Anything they said last month is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
This would be a nice rule to keep but unfortunately we (women) are not wired that way. Women can and will recall information from weeks, months and years ago. It is not our fault that we are smart like that. Men expect us to forget the snide comment or rude remark, but we just store it as ammunition for another day. The best advice for men would be to keep quiet if they don’t want to hear their own comments repeated to themindefinitely.
Also, in ‘the other room’, men would like us to know that:
7. ‘They think about sex a lot’
They claim they can’t help it. It’s in their DNA. They would also like us to know that thinking about it isn’t the same as acting on it and it doesn’t mean they love us any less. I don’t know what to say to that one. I am not a man but if that is how they feel there is nothing we can do about it, provided they always remember not to act on it with someone else.
7a. And they also like to snuggle and cuddle
Ofcourse! That is a precursor to point 8. They claim they like to share intimate moments like holding hands and sharing cuddles just like women. I wonder if this survey of men included Naijamen?Holding hands?Snuggling, maybe.
8. They like it when we make the first move
Men claim there’s nothing sexier than when a woman takes control of the situation and gives them a bit of direction. This is an important rule, as many Naija women have been told since they were young girls that only women of easy virtue make the first move. It seems men don’t mind and if it keeps the motor running, what’s the harm? However, men don’t like it when women rub the lamp but don’t want to play with the genie. I suppose that makes sense. Don’t start what you can’t finish, ladies!
9. They can usually tell if we’re faking it
Men would rather get it right than have us put on a performance. They want to know what to do so they would appreciate us showing them what to do. Good point, a marriage can suffer when a couple can’t tell each other what works and what doesn’t. The worst part is that once a woman starts faking it, it becomes very hard after a few years to tell her man that he has been garnishing the wrong salad.Talk about bruising a man’s ego!
10. Finally, they love us as we are
If we don’t look like models, we shouldn’t expect them to look like pop stars. Men tend to be very comfortable in their skin and we need to accept them as they are instead of always trying to change them in one way or another.
No one is perfect. The most romantic movie scenes were shot and edited several times to make them perfect. Give your relationship a chance to grow through various stages, good and not so good, so that one day you will have your own perfect movie.
BTW: still waiting for my gift, oh husband mine!
Writer – Abi Adeboyejo lives in Birmingham, UK with her two children and her fabulous man, who by the way, prefers that his wife writes down her thoughts than listen to her musings on almost everything.