Once married to a man, Pamela felt she had to reveal her sexuality as she was no longer comfortable with her two-year-old marriage, so, she called it quits.
It’s being six years now that she told her loved ones, but the impact of her revelation can still be felt in her family especially with her mother, who is yet to come to terms with it.
In this interview with Untold Facts, a discussion series that focuses on sexual health and rights in Nigeria, Pamela talks about the impact of “coming out of the closet” on her family.
On her experience as a lesbian
When I came out, my family was shocked and angry to an extent. I did get married but of course, the marriage didn’t last very long because I eventually came out of the closet. When I did that, there were all sorts of opposition. Opposition from families, friends and everywhere.
My mom even thought I was possessed. She will bring priests to the house and try to cast out the demon. At the time I came out of the closet, I needed support. I expected that the reaction will be the same but I hoped in my mind that I would eventually receive some kind of support. I just needed to be told, “nothing is wrong with you, you’re still our daughter, we love you,” but I never got any of those messages from my mom. My dad was a bit more subtle. He still expressed love.
I felt hurt and imagine being rejected by your own family. For me, being rejected by my mom was even more traumatic because that’s someone that I really love and was hoping that the fact she loved me would actually take precedence over anything else but it didn’t.
My family and I are in the beginning of sorting out our issues though and I’m really hopeful and looking forward to what’s coming and having the opportunity to sit down and have a conversation and really talk things out. I’ve come to a place where I’ve accepted that I might never get acceptance from my mother and its okay but the best case scenario is having both parties come together to just have a conversation and to acknowledge faults and ask for pardon and starting over.